Self-compassion

This is becoming a subject of focus with my T. Great at compassion for everyone and everything but myself. She gave me this link yesterday went to it today. I know I need to do this to change but I also sort don’t want to.

anyway thought I would share the link.

 
Thanks for this link SMC. I've been preaching self-compassion for a long time, simply because it hasn't been easy for me to honestly care for myself or treat myself with kindness. It is easy to fault myself, to feel shame over what happened in my life because of the abuse. But we know all of those behaviors are rooted in trauma and are not our fault. So compassion and self-care are in order. This is a very important topic.
 
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KMCINVA

Registrant
SMC1972

Thank you for the link. I learned through therapy I lacked compassion for myself, I was self abusive and let people abuse me through words and actions--which they deny and refuse to accept how it impacts a survivor. I look back and think why and how. The answer is the abuse impacts in ways the mind only knows. Science is advancing faster than many medical professional understanding. I was hospitalized several times and I can tell you many were compassionate and sadly too many were ignorant to trauma.

Love yourself and you will take a major step in healing.

Kevin
 

manipulated

Moderator
Staff member
Love yourself and you will take a major step in healing.
I first had to like myself and accept myself...and that was blocked until I started dealing with the guilt and shame I carried like a backpack filled with rocks. Every rock I figured out belonged truly with the Perp and not me made the pack lighter and the lighter the back pack got the easier it became to start liking and accepting myself. Then I could begin thinking I was worthy of self love and self care.

Were any of you able to Even comprehend self care while burdened with the guilt and shame of the past or was other outlier?
 
I just wanted to say thanks for the comments it sort of helps me. I feel I take a lot from here but don’t do much to help others.

The self compassion is a big issue for me and just now starting to realize that. Today I criticized myself even asked God why he took a former coworker of mine today and not me. She was a beautiful great person.
 

manipulated

Moderator
Staff member
Smc you contribute here much more than you realize. Sometimes it’s starting topics like this, sometimes it is letting us share a bit of our struggles with you in yours, mostly by being here, being active and contributing to the discussions and sharing. Wish you could see the strength you exhibit in most every vulnerable post.
 

KMCINVA

Registrant
I first had to like myself and accept myself...and that was blocked until I started dealing with the guilt and shame I carried like a backpack filled with rocks. Every rock I figured out belonged truly with the Perp and not me made the pack lighter and the lighter the back pack got the easier it became to start liking and accepting myself. Then I could begin thinking I was worthy of self love and self care.

Were any of you able to Even comprehend self care while burdened with the guilt and shame of the past or was other outlier?
Manipulated

I could not understand self care while I was burdened with the guilt, shame and living with ongoing triggers. I just wanted to survive, not live or thrive just to survive. I like your analogy about the backpack with rocks. I was weighed down by the guilt, shame and triggers. Today I actually love myself, I am happy and can feel love and work vigilantly not to fall back into the world I struggled to leave for years. I am glad you are doing well.

Kevin
 
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Harry

Registrant
I had to stop reading through that last questionaire. I started leaking from my eyes too much.
I have been so very very hard on myself growing up.
When I let myself feel compassion for myself, I start weeping. I feel like if I let the tears flow, they wouldn't ever stop.
It's super easy to feel compassion for other humans. And I know how dreadfully I deserve compassion from myself.
Ughhh...
Good topic though!
 
Sorry i am back in question my own self-compassion. Why is it so hard for me. I have it for everyone but myself. I feel bad that after this much time here and in therapy i still struggle. I am getting tired of the ups and down. Things have been better though due to an added Med. i dont like needing meds.
 
After a lifetime of struggle that has invariably included being hard on ourselves, generally filled with shame, it isn't easy to engage in self-compassion. Remarkably, the challenge is to be gentle with ourselves EVEN when we struggle..even if the shame returns.. we can, at ANY moment, resume practicing loving kindness toward ourselves. In fact, that is the only response to the ups and downs that makes any sense... or that honestly contributes to healing. So even in the midst of struggle... BE PATIENT with yourself. The key is patience, kindness and compassion. The struggles we encounter have deep roots, so unpacking trauma and finding a healthier response will necessarily take time. This is what all of us are doing... with the support of other men who are engaged with this process. YOU are one of us. Thanks for being here and for sharing your truth.
 

CarbonTiger

Registrant
Self compassion is not selfish.

All of us as humans deserve love. Self compassion is a form of that love. I would say it falls under that umbrella.

for the people that travel here due to life, we need more love and self compassion especially because of what happened to us. Its not easy, medium, or hard. In fact its probably very difficult for the majority.

I suppose I'm speaking boradly & in general. I see truth in those statements though.

I also find that we have a hard time accepting our truth because it changes so much over time. While we are young we have less capacity to understand what happened until we get older. Those years in between are where it seems to go wrong. Anyway... idk I am just thinking out loud.

Self compassion for me will always be easier to give than receive. It is better for me to focus on others than myself. Maybe in the years ahead I will be fortunate enough to change my mind and start that healing process.

but maybe i'll just let go of the anger & rage and replace it with Peace & Serenity.
 
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