Self Care

[SubtleStuff]

Hi Y'all,

What to you do when you encounter lack of effect social support for your healing? That could be almost anyone but support in local community and amongst key friends and family come to my mind. I'm running into this quite a bit these days.

The things I've found most helpful is to stop putting energy into dead ends (once I've figured that out. It can take a while). Returning to being good to my body. Putting energy back into support systems that I know to have been helpful (like MaleSurvivor.org), putting more energy into meditative practices, and feeling my anger at people to whom I generally can't (too well protected).

What do you do?

Cheers,

S

 

[Chris4TheMill]

SubtleStuff, I know that for me, finding out that others are struggling with similar things has always been helpful.
Even if I never meet the people but just read their stories on the internet.

Because finding others who are also seeking help makes me realize that these things we struggle with are not just our isolated problems. Others have them as well, maybe to different degrees. That makes me realize that the people who do not support my efforts - like my brother or other family members - are just ignorant and unaware. Especially when they spout their mantra that you are just supposed to put on a brave face and get through life without actually feeling any of it.

Nonsense.

They used to shame me all the time for all the work I was doing to pursue healing and wholeness and health. But then I was able to see that I got better at dealing with life's challenges and they did not. I was able to see their dysfunctional patterns and stagnation and how those things are not serving them well in their later years.

I am no longer angry at them now, I just let them be. I can be frustrated by their lack of understanding, but it doesn't matter as much because I know that I am doing the right thing and what I am doing has yielded some results.

I will never have the great financial success that they wanted for me, but even though they have more money than me, I can tell that they are not happy and that I am usually more content than they are, despite their easier circumstances.

 

[SubtleStuff]

Thanks Chris,

This is good stuff for me to know. Thanks for your support.

Cheers,

S

 

[Celtaf]

Hi Y'all,

What to you do when you encounter lack of effect social support for your healing? That could be almost anyone but support in local community and amongst key friends and family come to my mind. I'm running into this quite a bit these days.

The things I've found most helpful is to stop putting energy into dead ends (once I've figured that out. It can take a while). Returning to being good to my body. Putting energy back into support systems that I know to have been helpful (like MaleSurvivor.org), putting more energy into meditative practices, and feeling my anger at people to whom I generally can't (too well protected).

What do you do?

Cheers,

S

I use mindfulness. It is a hard form of self practice, and not everyone likes it or swears by it, so it's something I would recommend approaching cautiously, with a counselor or some other helper you trust.

Anyway it involves things like acceptance, values, willingness. One thing I try to remind myself of is that most people are not very honest or helpful even to themselves. Most people lean towards laziness, selfishness and pride.

For me it goes like this: I accept what happened, the feelings it has caused, the confusion that it led to, the lack of help I received, and the delays this caused me in pursuing useful goals in my life. I also accept that I have had to make decisions and act decisively to move my life in a positive direction. My values are what lead me now, not my emotions or what pleases others. It is hard to do this. I have to accept that too.

Self care is very hard. If you have been, like me, taught to ignore your body and your emotions and not care for them, they may become alien to you. You don't think of them. Then hwen you do get sick or injured you try to not deal with it, but it can often be the result of the self neglect.