Seeking wellness
Brother Survivors,
I see a problem that, I feel a certain responsibility, to write to you about. It appears that an increasing number of posters write, as though the settlement of a law suit, and receiving a very large amount of money, will cause us to be recovered from the effects of CSA. I believe, that there are some that are stuck there. And I am totally convinced that no ones apology, nor any sum of money, will ever be the key to my healing, nor to yours.
Since I came to the board, a little over a year ago, I can count less than a dozen men whose perpetrators were Roman Catholic Priests.
Yet, hatred for Catholics seems very nearly required, to be here. I use the word hatred in its theological sense: wanting harm to occur to another. Synonyms for hatred clarify that some, these are: ill will; enmity; hate; animosity; malevolence; rancor; malignity; detestation; loathing; abhorrence; repugnance; antipathy.
Getting stuck here is so far from recovery, that, in my mind, recovery becomes virtually impossible.
A second mistake I hear talked about is the term: The Roman Catholic Church, or more often, The Catholic Church. May I point out the problem here? When we speak of the Catholic Church we speak exclusively of people who are Catholics. They, and they alone, constitute the Catholic Church! Church=people period. There is no such thing as the Catholic Church apart from Catholic people.
Lets take Boston. They speak of the Church of Boston. That means, solely, the people in the Boston area who are Catholics. There are said to be over two million of those kinds of people there. One of those people is the new Archbishop, Sean OMalley. Along with Sean are several assisting Bishops, perhaps 600 or 700 priests, and possibly another 100 to 150 Catholic men and women who hold various positions in the Church of Boston. Let us say that these people total 1000. They are technically called, The Hierarchy of the Church of Boston. Sean is not the Church, none of the pastors are the Church, none of the men or women in authority there, are the Church. The Catholic Church of Boston are the two million people, of which these 1000 are a part, and ONLY a part. They have been called, from the larger group, to minister in some special way. They are not the Church. They are a tiny fraction of the Church.
Boston, with its large Roman Catholic population is NOT the Church.
The Catholic Church is several hundred million people, world wide who have been Baptized into the Catholic faith and continue to practice the Catholic way of life and culture.
Bostons two millions are a tiny part of the Catholic Church. I think the mistake many here are making, is that the Catholic Church is like General Motors. There is a specific group of people who are the Corporate Board of Directors, and who can in a real sense, be said to be General Motors.
Again, this does not exist in the Catholic Church. People some times attempt to say that; Oh, I dont hate Catholics, it is just their Church I hate. Doesnt work. Their Church is us. The Vatican is not the Church, it is a building and a governmental Independent State with citizens. The Pope is not the Church, nor the Cardinals and the Congregation etc. Several hundred million people all over the globe, they and they alone, are the Roman Catholic Church. This happens to be a crucial point of doctrine that Catholics believe.
You will hear it said: The Catholic Church has issued an official statement, e.g. on the right of laborers to organize. That is real sloppy writing. The truth is, some Congregation within the Vatican has issued a statement, that the Pope has approved, as a teaching to be a guide for Catholics in the living of their daily lives. The Church does not issue the statement, a tiny group of Catholic leaders, issues a statement to the Church, the People of God. Sometimes, most of the times, these are meant to be guides or the ideal towards which we as a people are to strive. Most rarely, they are definitive statements that we are required to accept if we wish to continue to be a Catholic. The total number of these statements is just at 21 or 22, and most of them have to do with doctrinal matters.
Now, when we talk about making the Catholic Church come up with some fantastic sum of money we are talking about the Catholic people raising that money. Some comes from insurance companies. But even Lloyds of London doesnt give out policies that will pay off a half billion dollars!
So, someone was correct when he talked about the joy he would feel as he talks to his son as to why St. So and So Parish is closed. After the insurance companies pay what they will pay, then the savings of the Diocese or Archdiocese are spent, then property is sold. The pattern has been to close schools first, then social service agencies, then parish buildings and combining parishes, combining distinct communities of believing people in some other parish set of buildings.
A parish is people. It is all the people who have and do come to the parish for worship, spiritual guidance, the sacraments, who are Baptized, receive Holy Communion, get Confirmed, use the other Sacraments like Matrimony and finally, are buried from the parish church building.
The building is not the church. The people are the church. So the glee in closing down communities of Catholic people means that: people can not come there to worship, to be married, etc.., the meal program cant be there anymore, the Boy Scouts and Girls Scouts cant meet there, the children cant go to school there, the Red Cross cannot have its blood drive there, the Parish nurse gets fired, anyone who made a living working for the parish is fired because the parish no longer needs teachers and maintenance people and the parish secretary and the director of religious education and the young adult ministry. Yes, it is a really wonderful thing to do to make The People close down a parish. Let us all rejoice! It really is a most healing thing, for us survivors.
However, none of this is important in the end. The important thing is that we who have been sexually betrayed and violated get well, or at the very least, significantly better.
If a huge sum of money from the Boy Scouts of America will make me feel good about myself again, let me trust people, not always fear an ambush from someone I was so stupid as to be vulnerable to; if I will be able to have meaningful and mutually beneficial relationships, and I wont be afraid, and I wont wake up at night thinking danger is in my bedroom; and I wont feel like I am ruined in the core of my being, and I wont have a slowly seething anger, and I can finally feel like I am a much a man as any other male in this world, THEN, I am going to sue the Boy Scouts of American for a pile of dough. BUT, I need at least three expert therapists to give me an iron clad guarantee that winning my law suit and getting a formal apology from the BSA will do all that, before I get mired down in litigation, raging constantly at the huge cover up by the BSA of all its freako Scoutmasters etc who abuse boys. And by God, I WILL rejoice when I see the BSA having to shut down it various troops, camps, regional offices etc. because one Assistant Scoutmaster sexually assaulted me, many times, 45 years ago.
Oh yes I will rejoice as I can finally say Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, I am Free at last!
It is so sad to see us getting stuck there. And I see many of us so stuck we will never get out and move on.
So, I feel the need to leave the forums for a while and work on the harm that has been done to my spirit, as I see my brothers getting mired down, with no one to tell them that, that is what is happening.
I most certainly will return, because you all have been a crucial part of my recovery, and my on-going recovery. I would be afraid not to have your help. But I just cant continue to see this nightmare, that formal apologies, and enormous sums of money, that actually harm other people severely, is the solution to anything.
Peace to you all. I hope to see lots of you at the Conference. It will be good to meet you in person.
Bob Wheelock
I see a problem that, I feel a certain responsibility, to write to you about. It appears that an increasing number of posters write, as though the settlement of a law suit, and receiving a very large amount of money, will cause us to be recovered from the effects of CSA. I believe, that there are some that are stuck there. And I am totally convinced that no ones apology, nor any sum of money, will ever be the key to my healing, nor to yours.
Since I came to the board, a little over a year ago, I can count less than a dozen men whose perpetrators were Roman Catholic Priests.
Yet, hatred for Catholics seems very nearly required, to be here. I use the word hatred in its theological sense: wanting harm to occur to another. Synonyms for hatred clarify that some, these are: ill will; enmity; hate; animosity; malevolence; rancor; malignity; detestation; loathing; abhorrence; repugnance; antipathy.
Getting stuck here is so far from recovery, that, in my mind, recovery becomes virtually impossible.
A second mistake I hear talked about is the term: The Roman Catholic Church, or more often, The Catholic Church. May I point out the problem here? When we speak of the Catholic Church we speak exclusively of people who are Catholics. They, and they alone, constitute the Catholic Church! Church=people period. There is no such thing as the Catholic Church apart from Catholic people.
Lets take Boston. They speak of the Church of Boston. That means, solely, the people in the Boston area who are Catholics. There are said to be over two million of those kinds of people there. One of those people is the new Archbishop, Sean OMalley. Along with Sean are several assisting Bishops, perhaps 600 or 700 priests, and possibly another 100 to 150 Catholic men and women who hold various positions in the Church of Boston. Let us say that these people total 1000. They are technically called, The Hierarchy of the Church of Boston. Sean is not the Church, none of the pastors are the Church, none of the men or women in authority there, are the Church. The Catholic Church of Boston are the two million people, of which these 1000 are a part, and ONLY a part. They have been called, from the larger group, to minister in some special way. They are not the Church. They are a tiny fraction of the Church.
Boston, with its large Roman Catholic population is NOT the Church.
The Catholic Church is several hundred million people, world wide who have been Baptized into the Catholic faith and continue to practice the Catholic way of life and culture.
Bostons two millions are a tiny part of the Catholic Church. I think the mistake many here are making, is that the Catholic Church is like General Motors. There is a specific group of people who are the Corporate Board of Directors, and who can in a real sense, be said to be General Motors.
Again, this does not exist in the Catholic Church. People some times attempt to say that; Oh, I dont hate Catholics, it is just their Church I hate. Doesnt work. Their Church is us. The Vatican is not the Church, it is a building and a governmental Independent State with citizens. The Pope is not the Church, nor the Cardinals and the Congregation etc. Several hundred million people all over the globe, they and they alone, are the Roman Catholic Church. This happens to be a crucial point of doctrine that Catholics believe.
You will hear it said: The Catholic Church has issued an official statement, e.g. on the right of laborers to organize. That is real sloppy writing. The truth is, some Congregation within the Vatican has issued a statement, that the Pope has approved, as a teaching to be a guide for Catholics in the living of their daily lives. The Church does not issue the statement, a tiny group of Catholic leaders, issues a statement to the Church, the People of God. Sometimes, most of the times, these are meant to be guides or the ideal towards which we as a people are to strive. Most rarely, they are definitive statements that we are required to accept if we wish to continue to be a Catholic. The total number of these statements is just at 21 or 22, and most of them have to do with doctrinal matters.
Now, when we talk about making the Catholic Church come up with some fantastic sum of money we are talking about the Catholic people raising that money. Some comes from insurance companies. But even Lloyds of London doesnt give out policies that will pay off a half billion dollars!
So, someone was correct when he talked about the joy he would feel as he talks to his son as to why St. So and So Parish is closed. After the insurance companies pay what they will pay, then the savings of the Diocese or Archdiocese are spent, then property is sold. The pattern has been to close schools first, then social service agencies, then parish buildings and combining parishes, combining distinct communities of believing people in some other parish set of buildings.
A parish is people. It is all the people who have and do come to the parish for worship, spiritual guidance, the sacraments, who are Baptized, receive Holy Communion, get Confirmed, use the other Sacraments like Matrimony and finally, are buried from the parish church building.
The building is not the church. The people are the church. So the glee in closing down communities of Catholic people means that: people can not come there to worship, to be married, etc.., the meal program cant be there anymore, the Boy Scouts and Girls Scouts cant meet there, the children cant go to school there, the Red Cross cannot have its blood drive there, the Parish nurse gets fired, anyone who made a living working for the parish is fired because the parish no longer needs teachers and maintenance people and the parish secretary and the director of religious education and the young adult ministry. Yes, it is a really wonderful thing to do to make The People close down a parish. Let us all rejoice! It really is a most healing thing, for us survivors.
However, none of this is important in the end. The important thing is that we who have been sexually betrayed and violated get well, or at the very least, significantly better.
If a huge sum of money from the Boy Scouts of America will make me feel good about myself again, let me trust people, not always fear an ambush from someone I was so stupid as to be vulnerable to; if I will be able to have meaningful and mutually beneficial relationships, and I wont be afraid, and I wont wake up at night thinking danger is in my bedroom; and I wont feel like I am ruined in the core of my being, and I wont have a slowly seething anger, and I can finally feel like I am a much a man as any other male in this world, THEN, I am going to sue the Boy Scouts of American for a pile of dough. BUT, I need at least three expert therapists to give me an iron clad guarantee that winning my law suit and getting a formal apology from the BSA will do all that, before I get mired down in litigation, raging constantly at the huge cover up by the BSA of all its freako Scoutmasters etc who abuse boys. And by God, I WILL rejoice when I see the BSA having to shut down it various troops, camps, regional offices etc. because one Assistant Scoutmaster sexually assaulted me, many times, 45 years ago.
Oh yes I will rejoice as I can finally say Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, I am Free at last!
It is so sad to see us getting stuck there. And I see many of us so stuck we will never get out and move on.
So, I feel the need to leave the forums for a while and work on the harm that has been done to my spirit, as I see my brothers getting mired down, with no one to tell them that, that is what is happening.
I most certainly will return, because you all have been a crucial part of my recovery, and my on-going recovery. I would be afraid not to have your help. But I just cant continue to see this nightmare, that formal apologies, and enormous sums of money, that actually harm other people severely, is the solution to anything.
Peace to you all. I hope to see lots of you at the Conference. It will be good to meet you in person.
Bob Wheelock
