Seeking Professional Help

Seeking Professional Help
R

Russ2

Registrant
This is my very first posting here. And it is so long overdue.

I've reached a point where I think I need to seek some good professional help. I've simply lost control of things. Everything. I now lack any real motivation or direction, I am depressed, and I feel overwhelming anxiety every single day. For the longest time, I managed to keep everything together, but no longer. Lately, all my energy and will-power has been spent on just keeping up appearances. And that, I believe, contributes to my vicious cycle.

If any of you have advice on how I can take that very first step, I would greatly appreciate it. I need to see a professional, preferably a good one with at least some experience in working with victims of childhood sexual abuse. I think I need a doctor, rather than a counselor. If you have any suggestions on how to make that initial contact (simply picking up the phone, dealing with my health plan, etc), I would appreciate that as well.

I am afraid. I am afraid that I've really reached that breaking point. If I don't do something soon, I may never get my life back.

Thank you,
Russ
 
Russ,

What I did was contact my health plan website to see who was available in my area, what their qualifications were, etc. There are psycologists, marriage and family therapists, licensed clinical social workers and psychiatrists who have dealt with childhood sexual abuse. If medication is needed they will usually coordinate with your physician on that. I wanted to talk to a male therapist who dealt with childhood sexual abuse issues but a lot of guys here feel more comfortable with a female. I called around 6 out off of the list that were in my area. Four of them called back. Two of them I dismissed out of hand, I didn't like the way they talked to me on the phone. I saw both of the ones that sounded good on the phone and picked the one that I felt most comfortable with.

If there is someone on the resource list here on the MS/NOMSV website that is close to where you live that is a start. Most therapists will work with you on insurance issues, payment plans, etc. Another good resource is the local rape crisis center. Often times they will have a male counselor or volunteer on staff that you can talk to initially. They might also be able to sort through the insurance list to help find a more qualified therapist. It was difficult for me to make that first call. I called and hung up a couple of times before I talked to someone. It was difficult for me to say that I had some 'childhood issues' that were troubling me (a huge understatement!). Everything about it was difficult but it was the first step to dealing with it and starting to heal.

This site has a lot of resources, a lot of really caring guys here. You are not alone, I felt like I was barely hanging on when I first starting looking for help. You've taken the first step, now it's just one more step at a time.

Take good care of yourself,

Steve
 
Russ - I recognize that fear because our perps instilled it in us. Secret keeping, doing it on our own, not having to share the abuse, making everything look right when it's not! But I found the more honest and open I could become, the more those fears diminished. First being honest with myself. Then honest with one other person - my T.

Stephen has given some good referral sources. Some of the guys here might help with referrals but I'm not sure where you are from! The best way to start is...well...to start! Just do it! Call and don't look back!!

Good luck! Have strength and courage!! You can do it!!

Hoawrd
 
Russ, I to am a first timer poster. I am relieved that I finally found a site where I can express my thought and feelings without being ridiculed. I am also searching for an outlet of some pent up feelings that are frequently coming over me. I have been dealing with these feelings for about 15 years now. At first talking to family and friends made me feel better but recently that has not been effective. If you or anyone else can think of where to direct me, it would greatly be appreciated. Stay strong.
 
Russ,

Don't be afrain to advocate for yourself. When you get to the point where you are choosing a therapist, ask about qualifications, education and experience. If the first one you get doesn't fit, move on to another. That is not at all unusual. It is more usual, I think, for the first one not to fit.

You'll need a psychiatrist if you think you may benefit from medication. Ask about support groups, too. Check community resources. Your local United Way may have a comprehensive listing of those.

If you think you are in a situation where you may be re-traumatized, don't be afrain to withdraw from it. That's okay.

Though a therapist, group or other resource comes highly recommended, it may not be the right thing at the right time for you. That's okay, too. This is about taking care of you. Don't worry about hurting someone's feelings because you have to find something better suited to you and your recovery needs.

B.
 
Russ, V1tach, and others looking for a therapist.

There are some good suggestions here. Check with the therapist directory on this site for someone in your area. Whether you find someone here or not, consider the tips from "A Consumer's Guide to Therapist Shopping" https://www.malesurvivor.org/Resource%20Directory/consumer.htm

Check it out and good luck.
Ken
 
Welcome Russ2. I hope that you find this to be a site of support and understanding, as I have. Without this site, I do not know where I would be right now.

I was very resistant to going to therapy at first, did not want to have to speak of this with another person in 'real life', terrified of the reaction. But it is helping, and she is proving to be a more valuable person then I ever imagined.

I will be honest though, when I first looked for a therapist, more then what her qualifications were, I found someone who had an office in a big building, so I could 'hide' that I was going there. I am lucky that she has turned out to be so wonderful with me.

Perhaps you can ask your doctor for advice on a therapist, or can anonymously call some help line? I am not sure what else I can offer, other then to wish you help. Please be good at yourself.

leosha
 
Russ2, v1tach,

There is a lot of good advice here in the posts above. It makes more sense to follow the advice than to hope to be as fortunate as Leosha was. (And I was. Read on.) I had minimal requirements when my wife and I began looking for a marriage counselor. She had to be female, and I had to avoid mentioning sexual abuse. Not the best way to start, but I was fortunate, too. It worked out by the grace of God, because I didn't do it right. I waited till our marriage nearly failed before I broke the perp's silence, then I tried to avoid dealing with reality. I hope you can avoid my blunders or be as fortunate as I was.

Later I found a "Trauma Specialist" (which sounds like a misnomer to me) who is helping me a lot. Although help is very painful at times, I want to believe that the pain will be worth the rewards. I used the online listings at RAINN\'s web site to find a treatment center local to me.

Keep posting. Ask questions, here and with your therapists/doctors/counselors. When I hear someone refer to "working" on recovery, I think how appropriate that word is. Do the work. Reap the rewards. When it gets tough (read "hell"), tell someone. If your support people (therapist, friends, family, etc.) aren't available, then tell us here. I've never seen this board down. Even if it were, you could write something in a text editor to post later. Just know that you will never be alone again.

Thanks,

Joe
 
I got a recommendation from my doctor. However, he warned me that finding a therapist is very much like shopping and that his recommendation won't necessarily work out for me.

A nod to Otis's limitation on what subjects are allowed - During my first session, I told her that I will speak to her about anything except my mother. She noded in fake agreement and has spent the next six months dragging out memories of my mother abusing me.

Green
 
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