Seeking help is scary when you are a man (Possible Trigger)

Seeking help is scary when you are a man (Possible Trigger)
H

Henry_MD

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Why did I ever started this journey? :( Why not let sleeping dogs lie? It would be easier to take my own life and to be done with it or just work to my body crumbles, anything to stop the thoughts and pictures and numb my brain!

We (here in Sweden) talk so much about equality between the sexes, brags about how open-minded we are but when it comes to sexual abuse of boys/men we still lives in the dark ages. :mad:

I had finally dug up the courage to phone a rape-crisis-line and if I had said my name was Henrietta everthing would have been OK but I told them the truth; Im Henry, had been sexually abuse early in life, never had dealt with the abuse, that I now had flachbacks, trouble breathing, panic-attacks, sweating and was very scared. I felt a little proud of myself that I could say all that without crying or choking on the words.

BUT-Wow what a blast! - The woman that answered roared: You sick PERVERT! Do you think youll have a cheep thrill here, so you can jack-off while you tell me your rape-fantasies. This is for PEOPLE in crisis and pain not sexoffenders" and then she slamed down the reciver in my ear. :confused:

I found an old bottle of Scotch, got very drunk and continued drinking till I passed out.

I dont think I have the curage to seek outside-help any time soon. I feel so battered and fragile that I cant stand to have people around me (afraid I might lash-out/act-out) so for the first time in more then 10 years, Im home on sick-leave and is trying to build up my defenses again.

This website is my life-line and one day I may finish my abuse-story I started to write in february this year and post it here. Henry
 
I am so sorry you had to experience this and it angers me to the extreme that anyone in this world would ever act the way the lady did to you. I might be totally wrong, but I can't help but think that what this lady did is not approved by this help line. Of course that doesn't help you too much right now. If there was an anonymous way (since giving your name, etc may be too much right now) that you could report what happened, it might be a good thing. Do they have a website as I'm sure a few people around here (myself included) would like to enlighten them to the fact that boys do get abused as well. You know, I can't help but think that this lady has issues she needs to deal with and she shouldn't be answering a help line as she isn't fit to do that.

Keep coming to this site - we are here and we definately won't say the same thing this lady did.

Don
 
Hello Henry,

...and welcome to MaleSurvivor. It goes without saying that the manner in which you were received and treated by the person on the telephone was horrible and should be reported by letter to the person in charge of that agency. Any helper needs to be fully trained and shouldn't be operating at any task involving personal contact until they are certified as ready. The person you experienced needs to be removed before anyone else is abused as you were!

I personally am not aware of the services available to men in your country. However, I would encourage you to write to Mike Lew from the United States, who wrote Victims No Longer. He can be reached by email at [email protected]. Mike has contacts all around the world and just might be able to assist you in finding someone who is fully trained to assist male survivors of sexual abuse. Share with him what happened to you on the phone. I know he will do whatever he can to assist you.

I hope you will remain connected with us here and will allow yourself to be as open as feels safe for you to do. You will find brotherhood here and a heartfelt openness and willingness to support one another in many different ways. Here you will take part in the healing of very courageous men. We all invite you to be one of us.

Be well.

Taz
 
Henry,

I'm very sorry to hear of the response you got from the "help" line. It still amazes me that she could have been so ill-trained. As others have said, keep searching for the help you need there - it's out there, you just have to search a little harder. Also, keep coming here. We're glad to have you on board and you'll find a lot of people here who truly understand you.

Best regards,
 
Henry,

I'm very sorry to hear what happened to you bothe early in your life and later on that phone line. Unfortunately we have to be very careful who we trust. I hope that experience doesn't stop you from finding the help you need.

There are a lot of very good and supportive people here in this board. I really hope things work better for you next time you seek help.

David
 
Thank You all for your support! You are ;) !I dont have the words to describe you. Its very soothing and comforting to have a safe place to go when Im feeling so alone and diffrent from my surroundings. Ill make contact with Mike Lew (Thanks, Taz!)and maybe I can find me a therapist with experience of male abuse. Im 46 and so mush is burried so deep and Im afraid but I cant contain it in any longer.

I took a big step saturday-I bought Mic Hunter; Abused boys and M.Ls Victims No Longer and I have been reading sins then. WoW :eek:

I have devoted my whole life to help/heal sick/ abused/neglected children, Im a pediatrician working in one of Swedens biggest university clinics, have no children of my own and no longing to become a father; Im to afraid of what could happend to them and that I wouldnt be able to protect them. I have been driven by one strong certainty; no child should have to endure what I did. Im afraid of my own deadly hate, allmost uncontrolled and boiling rage toward abusive parents and they should be glad that I took the oath; First, Do no harm.... Henry
 
Henry,

You are so welcome here. I read all the way through and then found that you are a doctor, yourself. You can see that it is time to heal yourself. You are one of millions of us...all abused and all who have faced shame and humiliation but here we are...surviving. I would report the lady to the people that run that 'help line'. I also will share with you my own alcoholism...I am not saying you are an alcoholic but it concerns me that you drank to a passing out. I struggled for many, many years in therapy but not until I walked into an AA meeting did my life begin to change. I am sober now for 21 months and am facing the feelings and fears. I am learning that the resentments I hold against my perp and many other people keeps me from living fully...I am learning to move on from the resentments and trying to take action and live my life. Please keep posting. :cool:
 
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