Seeing my father tomorrow

Seeing my father tomorrow
E

EGL

Registrant
I haven't seen or spoken to my father since May 31, which is when I finally disclosed the sexual and physical abuse to my wife (my father was the physical abuser, my brother was the sexual abuser). I just can't deal with him right now, having all this stuff storming through my mind again.

My wife is turning 40 on Monday, so we're having a birthday party for her tomorrow (Sunday) afternoon. At first, I just invited my wife's side of the family, but then realized it would be awkward come Monday night when my parents would make their annual pilgrimage of 2 miles to our house. So I e-mailed my mother yesterday and told her about the party tomorrow if they wanted to come. So they are. I figured it will be easier to deal with seeing them if it's in a group setting with my wife's side of the family here, too.

Very nervous about tomorrow, already done two doses of Xanax today, I'm sure I'll be popping them tomorrow as well. I have to grill burgers for the event, so hoping I can avoid my parents and the awkwardness as much as possible.
 
Eddie,

My heart goes out to you for this pain. To do this takes greater courage than I would have.

Do what you have to in order to be safe and as comfortable as you can.

What they did to you is unforgivable in my book, but you have to do what you have to do.

Wish I had more wisdom to offer you.

Peace,

Marc
 
The postive thing is that now you have your wife on your side, you're not isolated as prior to disclosing your abuse.

I have not had any contact with either my father (over 20 years) or my mother (about 12 years). I have decided I will never see them ever again as they colluded big time with one of the perps who abused me and they have no intention of taking resposibilities for their actions or apologizing, which is their decisions. That's not ok but I can't force them.

I am not sure which is best, staying in touch with family members who abused us or severing all contacts? I do feel lonely and abandonned and it's painful not to have a family eventhough they are alive but also I hear the pain people like you go through when they meet up with them. Maybe there are no easy ways with this situation.

Still I admire you for going through with it, just don't poison the burgers!!!!

Take care
Heart
 
Eddie

sorry you have to go through this, and just hope you can get through it without too much pain.

I hope your wife has a lovely birthday and it is not spoiled for you and her

take care

ste
 
Party is over now, everyone is gone, we all had a good time. My parents? They didn't show up or call. Typical @$$hole response from them.
 
And I was going to give you a word of encourgemant! Now I don't have to reach for the words. I envy your good luck!

This is gong to bother you until you get it delt with. But you have to do it on your own schedule and where you choose. And if you choose not ever, that is good to. Maybe not as good, but your choice is better than your revealation.

Aden
 
Eddie,
Something very similar happened to me. A few days after disclosing to my mother. We had ironicly, MY birthday party, my perp my brother was invited. I hadn't and I still havent confronted him and I was afraid about how my mom would react to seeing her son for the first time after finding out that he had abused her other son. Well all went well, with the exception of me maybe looking at him strangely knowing that other people knew, it was pretty normal believe it or not. Now my situation is a little different than yours because my brother did come over (and still does) on a regular basis because of how close he lives to my house and the fact that I still live with my mother.

Jason
 
Eddie,

was it some relief that they didn't come after all? I just imagine it would have been for me. I am sorry that you had to deal with such stress and upset, and then disappointment.

Leosha
 
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