Secret for 24 years
I was forced to have sex 24 years ago and just told my wife. We were watching TV and a woman was trying to have sex with a man who was trying to get away. It made me angry and I let it all out. The woman who did this to me was a friend that had issues. She and I were part of a group of friends that went out to clubs and bars every weekend together. She sometimes got so drunk she’d pass out. The rest of the group didn’t care that she was left in a club passed out. I would make sure no one did anything to her and carry her to the car when we left. When she was this drunk she’d accuse me of wanting to take advantage of her but the next day she’d thank me for taking care of her. We became good friends and when she wasn’t drunk we had a good time.
I never had any intentions other than being friends with her and nothing sexual ever happened between us. We went out and got drunk lIke we often did one night. We went to my apartment after and I was sleeping on the floor. She got on the floor with me and was trying to get me to have sex with her. She alternated between berating me and asking me why I wouldn‘t have sex with her. It seemed like her feelings were hurt because I wasn’t doing it and then she’d call me pussy and say I was scared to do It. I finally let her and within a few seconds she asked what I was doing to her and went back to bed.
I was afraid she’d accuse me of assaulting her. She didn’t. She got up and left the next day, She told all our friends that we had sex. We never spoke again. I was left feeling like the bad guy and was confronted about it in public and shamed for having sex with her. I let people think I willingly had sex with her to save her embarrassment and I also thought I wouldn’t be believed. I had been accused by her of trying to take advantage of her when I’d make sure she got home when she was passed out drunk which was not true. I was always nice to her but felt like she finally found a way to make me the bad guy.
I now feel extreme guilt after sex and I feel like this was the cause. It got worse as I got older. Now that I’ve told my wife about guilt seems to have gone away.
I’m not sure I should have told my wife this or what she thinks about me now.
I wonder if she thinks I made too big of a deal about this. Maybe I did.
I never had any intentions other than being friends with her and nothing sexual ever happened between us. We went out and got drunk lIke we often did one night. We went to my apartment after and I was sleeping on the floor. She got on the floor with me and was trying to get me to have sex with her. She alternated between berating me and asking me why I wouldn‘t have sex with her. It seemed like her feelings were hurt because I wasn’t doing it and then she’d call me pussy and say I was scared to do It. I finally let her and within a few seconds she asked what I was doing to her and went back to bed.
I was afraid she’d accuse me of assaulting her. She didn’t. She got up and left the next day, She told all our friends that we had sex. We never spoke again. I was left feeling like the bad guy and was confronted about it in public and shamed for having sex with her. I let people think I willingly had sex with her to save her embarrassment and I also thought I wouldn’t be believed. I had been accused by her of trying to take advantage of her when I’d make sure she got home when she was passed out drunk which was not true. I was always nice to her but felt like she finally found a way to make me the bad guy.
I now feel extreme guilt after sex and I feel like this was the cause. It got worse as I got older. Now that I’ve told my wife about guilt seems to have gone away.
I’m not sure I should have told my wife this or what she thinks about me now.
I wonder if she thinks I made too big of a deal about this. Maybe I did.