School triggrs
reality2k4
Registrant
My abuse affected me at junior school times, when I was about 10yo, but I remember about some things coming back to me.
My school was like rows of nissen huts, or a bit like army style wooden huts in rows.
I loved the school, and I used to get into trouble lighting the pot belly stoves, because it was always freezing in winter.
Yeah, kids werent meant to play with fire, but that was not so bad cos I still lit them b4 the teacher got there cos they would all just freeze.
I always tried to be a good kid, but maybe I wasnt, I would not eat the school dinners, and seemed to get into trouble fighting and stuff, I used to get punished and strapped or caned for being naughty.
I took plenty of beatings in that school, even for things I never did, but I still refused to eat the dinners.
We would have to cross the road to play football or cricket, I hated it, because I felt so scared.
If the teacher said, go ahead with the equipment, then I remember feeling terrified, in case some beast was lurking around the field.
I remember also being terrified of going home from school, as it meant a walk down a long road, so I chose to take a path through a field, but I can remember that I was always terrified on the path, without friends being with me.
I remember so much the headmaster, he beat me so much, then he would be so nice to me, f*ck, like a kid of 10 knows where you are coming from!
Hey, he really did beat the sh*t out of me, and I still tried to respect him. As I screamed and cried, did he not see the hurt? Did he enjoy doing it? Then be nice!
I dont know what message a child gets from that, but because I had been abused, then maybe it is what he expected.
It was like, he wanted me to like him, and because he beat me, I just looked on him as an abuser, then he hit me harder, eventually it led to him pulling down my shorts, and beating my butt, like he was really enjoying it.
Mr McGuire his name was, how could I ever forget him, did I have a sign on my back? WTF did he really want, and did he have any respect for me.
It sure scared the Hell out of me, when someone is so nice, then turns into the devil.
Then I get scared of him, and he makes a point of always talking so nice in the playground to me, like no big deal.
I had nightmares already, then he made me feel so out of place in the school, no wonder I was out of control at home.
I should have told my father, but I just got to thinking that it is what teachers do, it really freaked me out to be anywhere near him, and if I saw him I evaded him, so he would always ask why I did that.
I had no answer then, and this is a repressed memory surfacing, but it happened, no wonder my mind got so crapped out, with pervs like that.
Woe, why did I not tell? Because I did not know what was right or wrong because of abuse, so maybe I just expected to be hurt.
Sh*tty things like this ran right through my mind, and my mind was like a prison, trying to logically work out why people hurt so much.
Much as it is today,
ste
My school was like rows of nissen huts, or a bit like army style wooden huts in rows.
I loved the school, and I used to get into trouble lighting the pot belly stoves, because it was always freezing in winter.
Yeah, kids werent meant to play with fire, but that was not so bad cos I still lit them b4 the teacher got there cos they would all just freeze.
I always tried to be a good kid, but maybe I wasnt, I would not eat the school dinners, and seemed to get into trouble fighting and stuff, I used to get punished and strapped or caned for being naughty.
I took plenty of beatings in that school, even for things I never did, but I still refused to eat the dinners.
We would have to cross the road to play football or cricket, I hated it, because I felt so scared.
If the teacher said, go ahead with the equipment, then I remember feeling terrified, in case some beast was lurking around the field.
I remember also being terrified of going home from school, as it meant a walk down a long road, so I chose to take a path through a field, but I can remember that I was always terrified on the path, without friends being with me.
I remember so much the headmaster, he beat me so much, then he would be so nice to me, f*ck, like a kid of 10 knows where you are coming from!
Hey, he really did beat the sh*t out of me, and I still tried to respect him. As I screamed and cried, did he not see the hurt? Did he enjoy doing it? Then be nice!
I dont know what message a child gets from that, but because I had been abused, then maybe it is what he expected.
It was like, he wanted me to like him, and because he beat me, I just looked on him as an abuser, then he hit me harder, eventually it led to him pulling down my shorts, and beating my butt, like he was really enjoying it.
Mr McGuire his name was, how could I ever forget him, did I have a sign on my back? WTF did he really want, and did he have any respect for me.
It sure scared the Hell out of me, when someone is so nice, then turns into the devil.
Then I get scared of him, and he makes a point of always talking so nice in the playground to me, like no big deal.
I had nightmares already, then he made me feel so out of place in the school, no wonder I was out of control at home.
I should have told my father, but I just got to thinking that it is what teachers do, it really freaked me out to be anywhere near him, and if I saw him I evaded him, so he would always ask why I did that.
I had no answer then, and this is a repressed memory surfacing, but it happened, no wonder my mind got so crapped out, with pervs like that.
Woe, why did I not tell? Because I did not know what was right or wrong because of abuse, so maybe I just expected to be hurt.
Sh*tty things like this ran right through my mind, and my mind was like a prison, trying to logically work out why people hurt so much.
Much as it is today,
ste