school counseler
school counseler
- Thread starterkuurt
- Start date
Hey, me again. I want to add a couple of things.
I was in the exact same situation in 10th or 11th grade, sent to the guidance counselor. This was a long time ago, and I didn't get asked such specific questions, just general things like "is everything OK at home?", "is anything bothering you?", and so on.
I never said a word, and the whole thing was dropped after that. I know my parents were informed but I bluffed my way out of their questions too.
So I really congratulate you and admire your strength to speak up. It's something I couldn't do then.
I also want to mention how great it is that there is someone, a teacher, maybe even some friends or classmates, who noticed how you were feeling and got this referral started.
And it will help you. Especially because you want it to.
Again, a very good thing.
Donald
I was in the exact same situation in 10th or 11th grade, sent to the guidance counselor. This was a long time ago, and I didn't get asked such specific questions, just general things like "is everything OK at home?", "is anything bothering you?", and so on.
I never said a word, and the whole thing was dropped after that. I know my parents were informed but I bluffed my way out of their questions too.
So I really congratulate you and admire your strength to speak up. It's something I couldn't do then.
I also want to mention how great it is that there is someone, a teacher, maybe even some friends or classmates, who noticed how you were feeling and got this referral started.
And it will help you. Especially because you want it to.
Again, a very good thing.
Donald
johnsurvived
Registrant
Kuurt,
Hope this doesn't sound too much like an echo of Don-NY. Same deal with me -- in HS, my outward and visible signs of something being wrong were that I was constantly getting picked on by the other kids, my grades were in the toilet (except for music and drama), I was skipping a lot of classes and even whole days of school. I got called to the guidance counselor's office, and got asked pretty much the same generalized stuff: is there anything you want to talk about, is everything all right, etc. No way did I think I could tell them about what was *really* going on in my world at that time -- I thought it was just the stupid disconnect between adults and teenagers. I couldn't wait to get out of that office, so I just sat there and said I'd try to do better, and that no, nothing was really wrong. I wish like anything in the world that I'd told them about sex and abuse and drugs and drinking. I don't know how things would have been different, but I know they would have.
Courage, Kuurt, is greatest when we speak. Sound is power; language is power; words are power. Silence is fear, silence is slow death. Don't force yourself to go faster than you can, but do use this opportunity -- find your strength, find your voice, find your words. Be strong, be brave, and talk.
{{{{Kuurt}}}}
John
Hope this doesn't sound too much like an echo of Don-NY. Same deal with me -- in HS, my outward and visible signs of something being wrong were that I was constantly getting picked on by the other kids, my grades were in the toilet (except for music and drama), I was skipping a lot of classes and even whole days of school. I got called to the guidance counselor's office, and got asked pretty much the same generalized stuff: is there anything you want to talk about, is everything all right, etc. No way did I think I could tell them about what was *really* going on in my world at that time -- I thought it was just the stupid disconnect between adults and teenagers. I couldn't wait to get out of that office, so I just sat there and said I'd try to do better, and that no, nothing was really wrong. I wish like anything in the world that I'd told them about sex and abuse and drugs and drinking. I don't know how things would have been different, but I know they would have.
Courage, Kuurt, is greatest when we speak. Sound is power; language is power; words are power. Silence is fear, silence is slow death. Don't force yourself to go faster than you can, but do use this opportunity -- find your strength, find your voice, find your words. Be strong, be brave, and talk.
{{{{Kuurt}}}}
John
Kuurt,
I know it was scarey to be called to the counselor's office like that. At least it would've been for me! I'm glad you went, and were able to be open with them in answering most of the questions. I hope this is the beginning of something good for you. I can only imagine how intimidating it must be to you.
Unlike John and Donald, No one noticed with me. I guess I put on a pretty good front because everyone thought I was OK, I guess, or they did notice and just ignored me. I don't think that back then any of the teachers in my school had any kind of training in dealing with kids that possibly had trauma in their lives. We were just considered shy and backward or something.
Anyhow I'm encouraged that you have someone looking out for you. Hang in there with them, and perhaps something good can come of this. I think you have the right attitude toward it all.
Safe Hugs,
John
I know it was scarey to be called to the counselor's office like that. At least it would've been for me! I'm glad you went, and were able to be open with them in answering most of the questions. I hope this is the beginning of something good for you. I can only imagine how intimidating it must be to you.
Unlike John and Donald, No one noticed with me. I guess I put on a pretty good front because everyone thought I was OK, I guess, or they did notice and just ignored me. I don't think that back then any of the teachers in my school had any kind of training in dealing with kids that possibly had trauma in their lives. We were just considered shy and backward or something.
Anyhow I'm encouraged that you have someone looking out for you. Hang in there with them, and perhaps something good can come of this. I think you have the right attitude toward it all.
Safe Hugs,
John
roadrunner
Registrant
Kurt,
I want to come back to something that johnsurvived said to you:
I know it's scary to tell, and no one here will pressure you to do what you just can't do yet. But you know what bro? Living in silence with all this crap is like dragging around a ton of chains, and that sucks. But the good thing is that you already have in your hand the key that will unlock those chains and allow you to get rid of them.
I know this will be difficult. When I told my parents - at the age of 56! - I was in tears and absolutely terrified. But it worked out okay. I also know that you feel your case isn't so simple. Sure, but no case is simple.
The bottom line, my friend, is that ANY result is better than continuing to drag those chains around. I wish I had an easy solution for you - one that is less frightening. But talking really IS the only way forward. When a survivor can do that the path of recovery becomes instantly open to him. But until that day, unfortunately, the road is absolutely closed.
That is one of the hard truths about healing from childhood sexual abuse. But remember, Kurt, when you were being hurt you were all alone; as you recover you will have so many people who are anxious to help and support you.
Much love,
Larry
I want to come back to something that johnsurvived said to you:
He is so right! Remaining silent keeps everything locked up where no one can help, where we continue to feel ashamed and guilty about things that were NOT our fault, where our bad feelings about ourselves control us and keep us scared and unhappy. That is no way to live!
I know it's scary to tell, and no one here will pressure you to do what you just can't do yet. But you know what bro? Living in silence with all this crap is like dragging around a ton of chains, and that sucks. But the good thing is that you already have in your hand the key that will unlock those chains and allow you to get rid of them.
I know this will be difficult. When I told my parents - at the age of 56! - I was in tears and absolutely terrified. But it worked out okay. I also know that you feel your case isn't so simple. Sure, but no case is simple.
The bottom line, my friend, is that ANY result is better than continuing to drag those chains around. I wish I had an easy solution for you - one that is less frightening. But talking really IS the only way forward. When a survivor can do that the path of recovery becomes instantly open to him. But until that day, unfortunately, the road is absolutely closed.
That is one of the hard truths about healing from childhood sexual abuse. But remember, Kurt, when you were being hurt you were all alone; as you recover you will have so many people who are anxious to help and support you.
Much love,
Larry
Kurt - it can only be your decision what you decide to say to her. As you said, you are talking about some of the things that are bothering you, so that's good. There may come a point when you decide that you trust her enough to say more!
I wish somone had noticed my problems when I was your age - it might not have taken me 37 years to sort myself out!
Best wishes ...Rik
I wish somone had noticed my problems when I was your age - it might not have taken me 37 years to sort myself out!
Best wishes ...Rik
Hauser
Registrant
Yep, like Rick said. Hey, don't think of it as any kind of failure on your part. In the greater scheme of things, you're WAY ahead of us old timers. So don't count yourself out by any means.
Kuurt, If I may be honest for a minute here. I've had a sense of envy for the younger guys that come here, not because they were abused obviously, rather, that they (and you) have taken the courage to reach out and at least talk about what is plaguing them. I have, for some time now, attributed it to the fact that you (younger) guys have the benefit of this thing called the internet. But I've been doing some soul searching, and after looking at my past and how much I had clamed up after my abuse, I don't think I would have done the same thing you are doing now. Not that I lacked the courage, but that I just didn't think (at the time), that I COULD be helped. (What's the point? They can't help me.)
You have made a wiser choice already than I did at your age. My parents made me see a T when I was 14 or 15, and I clamed up. I refused to talk. (sigh), if only I could go back, I would.
Kuurt, If I may be honest for a minute here. I've had a sense of envy for the younger guys that come here, not because they were abused obviously, rather, that they (and you) have taken the courage to reach out and at least talk about what is plaguing them. I have, for some time now, attributed it to the fact that you (younger) guys have the benefit of this thing called the internet. But I've been doing some soul searching, and after looking at my past and how much I had clamed up after my abuse, I don't think I would have done the same thing you are doing now. Not that I lacked the courage, but that I just didn't think (at the time), that I COULD be helped. (What's the point? They can't help me.)
You have made a wiser choice already than I did at your age. My parents made me see a T when I was 14 or 15, and I clamed up. I refused to talk. (sigh), if only I could go back, I would.
roadrunner
Registrant
Kurt,
You did what you COULD do bro. That's the key. Don't miss opportunities to take steps forward, but at the same time don't force yourself. The decision on what you say and to whom is always yours and yours alone. Your story, feelings and fears are YOURS to tell, and your recovery is YOURS to claim.
Much love,
Larry
You did what you COULD do bro. That's the key. Don't miss opportunities to take steps forward, but at the same time don't force yourself. The decision on what you say and to whom is always yours and yours alone. Your story, feelings and fears are YOURS to tell, and your recovery is YOURS to claim.
Much love,
Larry
Good job, Kuurt! Only tell what you are ready to tell. Don't feel like you have to, only go where it's comfortable for you to go. I was in therapy FOUR YEARS before I told my therapist about my abuse. He nearly shit himself on the spot!
Take your time, develop trust, then work on whether or not you should revealt that part of yourself.
Good luck and stay strong, you're doing great!
Take your time, develop trust, then work on whether or not you should revealt that part of yourself.
Good luck and stay strong, you're doing great!