Scholastic football culture - not much has changed

[C. E.]

It seems the lessons of Penn State just don't stick. When one looks at (**Trigger Link**) the sexual abuse with the Sayreville, NJ football machine, a few things come to mind.

1) Why do we call this hazing? When you do what they described (I'll spare the details but it's in the article), that's rape. Why are we sanitizing the language? I suspect it is just another way for us to not see it.

2) Here we go again. Sexual abuse under the watch of an icon of decades - the last twenty years alone as Sayreville's "Paterno" where he turned the team into a gridiron "steamroller" - and yet somehow that acumen and authority was unaware of locker room culture? Really? He never even looked at it? As a hall-of-fame student athlete himself, he was of the culture enough that such naivety seems questionable.

3) So the school superintendent suspended the football season and we get this:

................."I've never seen so much dedication out of my son, and I want
.................him to play the rest of this season," a mother said at a school
.................meeting to the roar of applause. Despondent players vented
.................frustration over not being able to finish what they've started.

There are more reported instances of students and parents mourning the suspension in various articles, as if the football season was the most significant victim. This is not a mere coincidence. There are differences from Penn State where a serial pedophile abused small children who were not students at the school he coached. But in both cases, the culture of protecting secrets and turning heads allowed the abuse to proliferate. This certainly paints a disturbing pattern.

 

[traveler]

this is so disturbing - but not surprising to me at all. the big question - as it was for me growing up in a similar situation - is: where are the coaches? either there is criminal negligence going on - if they truly do not know about it and are allowing such torture to go on under their noses - or the coaches are aware and complicit and possibly getting off on it themselves - even worse!

it may be "hazing" to the perpetrators - but to the victims, it is RAPE!

makes me sick - and shaking - even after all these years.
lee

 

[Jude]

The wheels of justice turn slowly, but they are turning....

7 Sayerville High School Football Players charged with Sexual Assualt, Six Arrested

 

[traveler]

at least this journalist gets it right:

"seniors on the Sayreville team routinely harass freshmen, and that these bouts of hazing sometimes allegedly included anal penetration, a form of sexual assault. "

TRIGGER WARNING:

be careful of reading the comments about this piece or the other articles regarding the story. some are enough to drive you crazy.

Lee

 

[GoHomeAgain]

No. No, no. Not here too. Not my high school. Not Sayreville. It's inescapable.

 

[traveler]

MS weighs in on Sayerville
THANK YOU, Chris Anderson!
Quoting the whole article here:

Sayreville football freshmen who say they were sexually assaulted are heroes: Opinion

By Christopher M. Anderson

As the executive director of MaleSurvivor, a nonprofit organization that advocates for male victims of sexual abuse, I train police, prosecutors and therapists nationwide. My suggestion to all of them is the first words we should say when a boy discloses being sexually assaulted are "thank you." When a survivor trusts us enough to speak about being abused, it warrants our gratitude. It may not feel like it to them, but the freshman Sayreville football players who disclosed being sexually assaulted by senior players are heroes.

The boys and their families may have many questions and fears at this time. Rumors, ill informed and hurtful, are all common in scandals like this. Thats why I want to share this letter directly with those young men.

Thank you.

In speaking up, you have made it easier for others perhaps in Sayreville, certainly elsewhere to disclose the abuses and bullying they have endured. It takes a tremendous amount of courage for a man to speak about being abused, even more so when that abuse is sexual in nature.

It takes a tremendous amount of courage for a man to speak about being abused, even more so when that abuse is sexual in nature.
You are not alone. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, more than 26 million males have experienced or will experience some form of sexual victimization during their lifetimes. Growing up in Mahwah I was victimized by a man who lived a few streets over from me. Most of my life I thought I was alone, but now I know many survivors, male and female. Some of them are still in pain; some are full of joy. All of us can do the hard work of healing, but we need to understand that emotional healing requires proactive effort on our part.

The abuse was not your fault. The choice to hurt another person and the responsibility for making that choice always falls upon the perpetrator(s), never the victim. Bullies and abusers choose to make other people feel powerless. That choice is never justifiable. All people have a right to be safe from abuse. The people who hurt you are guilty of violating that right, and hold the burden of that guilt. Not you. You have done nothing wrong. No survivor is less of a man for being abused, nor is any person who abuses others worthy of being called a real man.

It is possible to heal. In the coming weeks and months you will continue to hear the word, victim over and over again. Its important to know that the law uses words in very specific and exact ways. Being called a victim in the law does not imply you were weak. It does not mean you are flawed. It means that someone else committed an unacceptable act against you. Growth and maturity come as we learn to integrate the times we get hurt into the whole of who we are. As you start this process, remember that all of the joy and success in the past is still part of you. And know that you can also receive hope and support from others around you today and into the future.

It is never too late to heal. You may face battles with trauma, anxiety and painful memories, and it is possible you may continue to struggle with these memories for a long time. The challenge of carrying this trauma is one reason that survivors of sexual abuse are at higher risk for a number of health issues later in life. However, it is also true that many survivors, especially those who get help and support, can heal and live happy, long, and fulfilling lives. You can be wonderful fathers, great athletes, and strong and healthy men.

Being abused does not change who we are, but it can make it harder to become who we want to be. I spent many years lost and alone until I learned these four lessons and began my journey. With hope and support, these seeds of healing can take root, and provide you with sustenance for the long journey ahead. None of us can know what your path will be. We will be here to offer you hope and support as you engage in that work, and we will celebrate every victory with you.

Christopher M. Anderson is executive director of MaleSurvivor.

 

[Still]

***Nuclear Warning***


Forgive my impassioned response, but this is the very culture that destroyed my life. it was football-star arrogance and entitlement that caused my demise as a regular human. (i suggest you don't debate my self-appointed labels)

It seems the lessons of Penn State just don't stick.

Bull Snikies the lessons don't stick! They stick perfectly well thank you very much!

Lessons From P**n State:

1) The public will overwhelmingly support the perps AND turn against the victims.

2) Penalties may be displayed, but they will never be realized by the perps or the team (e.g. P**n State and the NCAA reversal of penalty without so much as a peep from ANYONE including us.

3) Virtually all of your adoring fans of the team or of the individual players will support you (the perp)

4) Its easy to publicly vilify the events into something quite palatable by the media, your fans, the juries, the judges, etc.

This event happened right on que for the "P**n State effect."

Big BIG lesson to be learned here:

SAYING THE WORDS DOES NOT CAUSE THINGS TO CHANGE! And THAT is the nature of the USA today! Just feel, say some words, do nothing.

I'm sorry gents. If Male Survivor does not go nuclear and active on this (including ME) we may as well fade-away and hide back in our basement caves.

We know how this play goes. We know how it ends. We know all the cruelty that will be spewed from the mouths of the insane apologists. We KNOW this already. if we don't, then we are freakin idiots. So let's not "wait and see how this is handled.

The interviews, the town meeting testimonies from parents and players...we know its only gonna get worse. No reason to wait and see...

Or am I wrong?

 

[Still]

BTW: I am NOT discounting nor pissing upon the open letter from Chris Anderson. That letter is to the survivors and is very much needed and appreciated. I only hope the kids and their parents will read it sooner than later.

Its going to get very very ugly for them from here-on in that disgusting town.

 

[traveler]

Whats Unusual About Sayrevilles Locker Room Sexual Assaults? Nothing.

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/mkdn-sayreville-football-shocking-lockerroom-hazing-abuse/

 

[tbkkfile]

It's a term that I'd never come across before over here in the UK but it comes in many forms and in many organisations, mine was ignored by those in charge which then led the perps to go beyond what they'd done before.

 

[Still]

The victims are now targets:

On Monday, the New York Times reported that two of the victims said they were wearing football pants when they were allegedly assaulted, with one qualifying the incident as "horsing around" and saying it did not leave him traumatized. The newspaper reported that the victim said police tried to pressure him to change his account and that peer pressure was mounting on all of the victims.(mycentraljersey.com) 10-21-14

 

[C. E.]

From the NY Times article...

The freshmen may now be minimizing any abuse because of the scorn that has been directed their way. Prosecutors here face a challenge: building a case not on physical evidence, but on the testimony of teenagers who live in a world of often cruel peers, a place where threats of drop-kicking and jumping someone are as common as texting LOL.

If freshmen thought we hated them before we sure as hell hate them now, a 16-year-old female student wrote on Twitter, hours after the season was canceled. Another girl posted a picture of two trash bins, saying it was a real picture of the freshman football team.

The backlash made me want to shoot myself, one freshman player told The Times.

In another account, a freshman who endured an episode of penetration shrugged it off and essentially said it was no big deal...

After practice that Monday, Sept. 29, the older students took their fourth victim, who shrugged off the assault. He sheepishly said last week that older players may have grabbed him and prodded his anus with their fingers, but said they did not push him to the floor. He insisted that this was only part of team bonding. You get your butt grabbed a lot, it wasnt, like, any big deal, he said. Later, he explained, They, like, poke you.

Soon after, someone told the authorities, and the investigation began. The boys were interviewed, one by one. The initial victim told The Times that he told the police that no one penetrated him from behind.

The police looked at me and said, Youre lying. We know the story, and youre lying,' the teenager recounted.

This resonates with me, because while the sexual abuse itself is sometimes written off by the child as being "no big deal," the shame and stigma remain enormously potent. I didn't want the sex but in my child's mind at the time I was convinced that I could deal with it. What I couldn't deal with was the prospect of testifying, the publicity of adult anger, and not being strong enough to avoid being a victim - that in effect my inability to say no allowed such scandal to visit the neighborhood. Ultimately, all of it was toxic. This article says the same thing - the child victim will be the first one to minimize the abuse or assume the blame. No wonder so many are so quiet for so long.

"...it wasnt, like, any big deal, he said. Later, he explained, They, like, poke you. I can't speak for the person who said this, but that reasoning is precisely how the long sad journey began for many of us here...

 

[tbkkfile]

Shrugging it off as no big deal and minimising it is a sure way of ensuring a lifetime of pain, depression, dissociation and much more for the victims.

It let my perps off the hook at the time, they returned and made the next year or so of my life hell, why? because those in charge either ignored it, minimised it or egged them on so they thought they could do anything and it was OK

Lets tell the victims it was nothing, lets tell the perps that they did nothing wrong.

THATS WHAT THEY DID TO ME AND I'M STILL SUFFERING 44 YEARS LATER

 

[Still]

I can no longer access https://www.mycentraljersey.com/ for free, but today there was a report about one victim who claims "the police tried to get him to change his story."

Most folk here won't say this, but I hope every enabler, every perp, every coach, every parent of the perps, every by-stander in attendance...all die a horrid pain-filled early death. Then, may they all rot in hell.

 

[Still]

BTW: Sayreville Police Department has no mode of contact on their home-page. But they DO have a very open facebook page. Some police departments need a little encouragement to do the right things.