scared

scared
C

crisispoint

Registrant
At work right now, and this whole thing with dad has me on the edge of losing it.

So scared about what could happen. Afraid for him, me, my sisters. Want to help, but I know this isn't going to end happily.

What can I do? Nothing looks like it will work and I'm the asshole in all of this.
:( :mad: :(
Scot
 
gosh scot, you and i seem to struggle with this same stuff. i am trying to heal things with my father, but it's hard because i grew to nearly hate him as a child. he drove me to escape into the sex my abuser taught me in many ways. i dont think you can just turn that off overnight.

are your family members aware of the history here? sometimes they just dont get it even if they are. they arent living it, and can't i suppose. you know, sometimes it is good to get selfish. tell your sisters you cannot handle it, that you are not able to be around him. they can lump it or like it, and as my wife always points out, they'll get over it. if it is this frightening, there is nothing evil about staying clear of him. afterall, our fathers had no problem controlling us, and beating us down.
 
Scot,

My T said something this week when I talked about the difficulty establishing/maintaining relationships with family members in light of my memories.

"They don't have to like you."

Listen to Phoster and put your own welfare ahead of any desire to avoid rocking the boat or any desire to have people who can't or won't understand "like" you. Your health and safety is more important than their comfort level.

Thanks,

Joe
 
Scott,

As for as advice is concerned, you've probably received as good as you can get. You do have to live with yourself afterwards, however, and if you feel like you've got to take a shift, is it possible to have someone sit with you and be there for you in case the situation heats up? A friend could make a tremendous difference I would think.

Hate that things are falling apart for you. You know a lot of us out here care and hurt with you.

Brownie
 
Scot,

I do not know I fully understand what is happening. But never, in no way, can you be the 'asshole' in any situation, unless that is who you are. That is not at all you. You are a good, decent person, and if there is something that needs to be dealt with some, within your family, it does not make you bad to have to deal with it. I hope that you are able to feel better of yourself soon.

((((scot)))))

Leosha
 
Scot, you are a very good person, who seems to be one of those people who tries to tae care of everything and everyone, and now you can't take care of it, and that is hard, I know it is, but you can make uit through, don;t try to take care of it all yourself, take care of a small portion of it, that small portion? yourself. Take care of yourself and with whatever you have left take care of others, but you are paramount. Good luck, and peace.

scott
 
Scot. Plain and simple "AN ASSHOLE YOU AINT, NEVER WERE AND NEVER WILL BE" You got that brother.

Kick the shit out of a pillow or take a baseball bat to a tree (oak and a big one) but be careful not to hurt yourself cause the tree will win. Get the frustrations out. Rant, rage, scream to exhaustion. It worked for me.

Now have a truly great 2004 for yourself and for all your brothers here.
 
Scot,

Like Mikey said, you are not an asshole. This is a difficult situation, in fact it would be my nightmare. Is there something you could do to help your sisters look after your dad, without actually taking a shift? Cook food for them, or help them with their kids or somthing that would help them get the job done? Whatever you decide to do, I'm behind you, and I respect you.

Peace,
Jim
 
Scot,

Like Mikey said, you are not an asshole. This is a difficult situation, in fact it would be my nightmare. Is there something you could do to help your sisters look after your dad, without actually taking a shift? Cook food for them, or help them with their kids or somthing that would help them get the job done? Whatever you decide to do, I'm behind you, and I respect you.

Peace,
Jim
 
Scot - We all know you're not an asshole BUT let me look at this from another point of view. The way your family is acting, you F-E-E-L like an asshole. Big difference. Because they make you feel like an asshole DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE ONE. This is called Emotional Reasoning and we all fall prey to it at times. My family used to make me feel guilty...but I didn't do anything wrong! But I still felt guilty. I came to realize that my mom operated from guilt and I was a super learner. However, I learned to respond to guilt so well that whenever anyone throughout life came from her operative point, I automatically felt guilty for everything even when I did nothing wrong. I needed to arrive at the point where "I did nothing wrong" and therefore had to discard that "guilty" feeling.

You are doing nothing wrong therefore, that feeling like an asshole really is their feeling NOT yours! I hope that makes sense, Scot. But don't own what isn't yours!! Give it (those feelings) back to the rightful owners!!

Howard
 
Scot,
The last thing you are is a butthole. You are one of most kind and caring person I have met here. If your family thinks you are then thats there problem not your's. Try not to take on there issues as your own. (((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) Keep up the good fight.
James
 
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