Scared to write this

Longislandjoe

Registrant
Hi all! I didn’t think I would have this reaction but here I am pretty scared writing this. I’m 43. I was molested by my older brother(7 years older) from 6 to about 12. He was young as well and I’m not sure if that qualifies me. I guess that’s one of the reasons I never sought that much help until recently.
We slept in his bed some nights. I was so desperate for him to like me I would do whatever he wanted. I stopped sleeping in his bed when I thought I was pregnant. I didn’t know boys couldn’t be pregnant. I was petrified. I attempted suicide at 16. Went to therapy and the abuse came up. I thought I was ‘over it’. But I went through some trauma recently and it came up again.
As I’m writing I realise how much shame I’ve been storing up. Thank you for having such a forum!
 
Thank you for sharing, I know it's really difficult to share things like that initially. That took a lot of courage.

Sorry for what brings you here. But glad you have found this place. MS offers a lot of support and understanding.

So, welcome to MS, brother.

Matt
 

Longislandjoe

Registrant
Thank you for sharing, I know it's really difficult to share things like that initially. That took a lot of courage.

Sorry for what brings you here. But glad you have found this place. MS offers a lot of support and understanding.

So, welcome to MS, brother.

Matt
Thank you. Not rational but I thought I was going to get thrown out of here. I appreciate it Matt!!
 

SC66

New Registrant
Hey, so sorry to hear about what happened to you. You are courageous to share this and seek out therapy. Not an expert here but I think shame is something that a lot of us who've been traumatized deal with. In my case it seems like there's layers to sort through.
Best to you - Donny
 

Longislandjoe

Registrant
Hey, so sorry to hear about what happened to you. You are courageous to share this and seek out therapy. Not an expert here but I think shame is something that a lot of us who've been traumatized deal with. In my case it seems like there's layers to sort through.
Best to you - Donny
Thank you Donny
 
He was young as well and I’m not sure if that qualifies me.
Welcome @Longislandjoe. Absolutely your qualified to be here and try to heal from your experiences so long ago. I'm so sorry what happened to you.

I was 8, and three schoolmates were 12-13 yo when they started on me after school in the woods. I thought they were making me in to a girl, and joked about it, called me their girlfriend, etc. Then when it leaked out to my parents some months in to it, the story was suppressed by them, by me and almost 50 years went by with it all forgotten, but it wasn't gone, and it all exploded on me earlier this year. Be kind to yourself as you go through your trauma. It wasn't your fault. Mine wasn't my fault.
 

Longislandjoe

Registrant
Great. Do you forgive your brother? Do you have a relationship with him? Did you ever confront him? And I have the same questions about your parents. Thanks in advance!!
 
Great. Do you forgive your brother? Do you have a relationship with him? Did you ever confront him? And I have the same questions about your parents. Thanks in advance!!
I never blamed him. We were both so young. The abuse just kind of ended though not sure when. It was not a daily occurrence. I have never confronted him. Because of our young ages I don't know if he would even remember. If he were to bring it up I would talk about it. I have never discussed it with my parents.
 
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Longislandjoe

Registrant
I never blamed him. We were both so young. The abuse just kind of ended though not sure when. It was not a daily occurrence. I have never confronted him. Because of our young ages I don't know if he would even remember. If he were to bring it up I would talk about it. I have never discussed it with my parents.
Are you concerned he might act out on other people? I guess I feel responsible for my brother’s children.
On a different note there are so many levels of processing this for me. The other week was really hard for me to function. That ever happen to you?
 

The Bluefoot

Registrant
Welcome Longislandjoe, sorry this has happened to you that you need our group, happy you found us. I have been in this group only 2 1/2 months and have learn so much in life here. My abused started at age 6 by a doctor. I have learn I am still very happy I am an only child, so many who have brothers are abuse by them, Before coming to this group I thou sex abuse in families were from parents and other relatives not siblings. I was abuse from 6 different people more then 300 times over 11 1/2 years and never told my parents, this seems to be normal. I have been in therapy since the age of 5 and now I am 57. LAST March 2021 I finally told my parents I was sexual abused and it was not their fault, and told them I was sorry I did not tell them sooner. I cried for 20 mins at their graves, with my 27 year old son sit in my car watching me. It did not help. I still live in hell. The point I trying to make is If you feel can and want to tell your parents do it while they are a live. But be careful. Read peoples stories and talk to people here ask as many questions as you wish we are all here to help each other.
 
Are you concerned he might act out on other people?
No I am not. After the abuse stopped there have never been any signs he continued to act out against anyone else. This is a conversation I've had with my T in the past. We both felt that due to our young ages he most likely was acting out something that he saw or experienced and then moved on.
 

Longislandjoe

Registrant
Welcome Longislandjoe, sorry this has happened to you that you need our group, happy you found us. I have been in this group only 2 1/2 months and have learn so much in life here. My abused started at age 6 by a doctor. I have learn I am still very happy I am an only child, so many who have brothers are abuse by them, Before coming to this group I thou sex abuse in families were from parents and other relatives not siblings. I was abuse from 6 different people more then 300 times over 11 1/2 years and never told my parents, this seems to be normal. I have been in therapy since the age of 5 and now I am 57. LAST March 2021 I finally told my parents I was sexual abused and it was not their fault, and told them I was sorry I did not tell them sooner. I cried for 20 mins at their graves, with my 27 year old son sit in my car watching me. It did not help. I still live in hell. The point I trying to make is If you feel can and want to tell your parents do it while they are a live. But be careful. Read peoples stories and talk to people here ask as many questions as you wish we are all here to help each other.
Thank you for taking the time to write this. It helps.
 

Longislandjoe

Registrant
No I am not. After the abuse stopped there have never been any signs he continued to act out against anyone else. This is a conversation I've had with my T in the past. We both felt that due to our young ages he most likely was acting out something that he saw or experienced and then moved on.
Nice. Ok so I need more conversations with mine until I confident. Thank you!
 
Hi Joe. Thanks for sharing and welcome (I just joined too). I’m 40, was also molested by brother 7 years older, around same age range tho I don’t remember when it started. I attempted suicide at around 20. Glad (and sad) to hear some similarities. Hope to see you around. All the best brother.
 
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