Scared the **** out of me!

Scared the **** out of me!
T

TeeJayUU

Registrant
I am sitting in my empty classroom, in an almost empty school building. I am hanging around waiting for a meeting this evening.

I have just joined all of you and am still new at recognizing my own triggers and issues. I was reading up on Anxiety and Panic issues. This is a big issue for me (but not as bad as some of you all have to deal with).

I was reading when a big gust off wind hit my open windows and knocked several plants off the window sill. As I was reflecting on what my triggers were, my abuser was on my mind and I was UNFORTUNATELY was flashing back a bit just at that moment.

I think I jumped ten feet and stopped my heart! It almost feels that since I started being an active participant in my healing (after 20 years of "ignoring" the first 20 years of my life), the flashbacks are more and being startled is also happening more.

I will continue to read. I will continue to visit with, support and pray for all of you. Thank you all for being here and hearing me!

TeeJayUU
 
TeeJay - it's very difficult to start dealing with all of the issues that we buried. It does sometimes feel like playing a sinister video in your head but it gets better as we learn to deal with it.

Just think if you watch a horror movie for the first time, you might jump in all of the relevant places. If you play the movie several times, you know when the frightening parts are coming up and can pre-empt (is that right?) them!

That's a bit like recognising your triggers, and if you can do that believe me THAT IS MASSIVE PROGRESS.

Remember we will always hear you here.....best wishes ...Rik
 
I thank you for your help and support here too. We are all part of this now.
 
I still jump at most things, especially when in a situation like you were in. My therapist tells me I am hypervigilant which is one of my survivor traits. At times even going to the store at night is too much and I have to take a friend along.

Don't feel alone on this... cause you're definately not.

Don
 
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