Scared of the images in my head

Scared of the images in my head
J

Jaso

Registrant
hello im new here and i only hope what i have to ask is ok and does not bother any one but i have to know

when you first started dealing with it were any of you afraid of turning in to a a badd or creepy person i mean afraid of doing to others what was done to us even though you know you dont wont and think you ever could

my mom and girlfriend are the only ones ive told and they say the things i see in my head are what happend to me and not what i may want to do to others i dont wont to hurt anybody please somone tell i wont turn in to one of those monsters please i just wont to know im gona be ok
 
Hey, Jaso,

A lot of us thought that we would become like those who abused us. My 8th grade teacher even told me that I was like him. Talk about scaring me out of my mind.
No, almost all of us don't become monsters. There are statistics on all of that, but you don't have to be concerned about those. The main thing is to try and find a counselor/therapist who has had experience with Childhood Sexual Abuse, or CSA, as some of us refer to it as.
Calling a crisis line and asking if they have a referral for you to someone who has that experience, or even talking to your family doctor who may have a list of good therapists.
Sorry you had to go looking for a place like ours but we're happy that you found us. Welcome, Jaso.

David
 
Jaso, abused boys do not turn into abusers themselves.
The reason is, that they know the hurt that was done to them, and they dont want kids to live the hell he lived through.

Welcome,

ste
 
thank you so much what youve said means so much to me

if any one else has any more to tell me i would greatly appreciate it this is my first week of really dealing with this and i am so scared i dont trust my own thoughts any more
 
Jaso,

That is only fear in your head. You know how much pain abusing someone can cause. I bet deep down you know you could never hurt someone. We have to always moe forward in our own recovery. The first time we all start dealing with our abuse is hard. I can tell yea I was a total mess. Could not control my self crying and afraid of everyone. I am sure you have heard this before but in time it does get easier.

I know that because of this board and the men here I have learned so much. I have learned more about my self here then I could ever have done on my own. We can only give you answers from out point of view and what has helped us. You my friend must take the steps towards healing.

lots of love, Nathan
 
Hi Jaso,

I harboured that same fear, it was always groundless and completely illogical but it would still come up. The fear was so real to me that I thought I was hiding some truth from myself, I wasnt but it took some work for me in therapy to really know that I wasnt infected as I saw it. Like David said it came from the abuse telling me that I was the same as an abuser I wasnt and it was a great relief to me to know that deeply.

Welcome to the site, its okay to post about this fear or any other issues around abuse, you will find reading here that many guys have shared similar fears and problems.

Peter.
 
Jaso,
I finally told my wife (after 29 years of marriage) that I had been abused by a teacher, a Christian Brother repeatedly when I was in HS. I held it inside which did not do me any good, however, I was a teacher for many years, before I became an administrator, and I never did anything like had been done to me, nor as a parent. If you have feelings that bother you regarding possibly "doing onto others as done onto you", please be sure to get help or emotional support.

Best,
Tom
 
You gave me a very funny feeling Jaso, because my counselor said exactly the same thing to me that your mother and girl friend said to you. Maybe you should seek out some one to help you as I have. Much has changed sense then, though there is still a long way to go.

Ike
 
thanks again i really need the support i keep telling my self that that these images i see are are my fears and what happend to me you guys may have an idea what its like to think stupid things like this
i keep telling my self that i know what i want and i know i would never want to do this to anyone else

but its doesnt make the fear go away but it realy does help to hear from all of you and to know im not alone
 
Hi Jaso,

Happy birthday by the way. No you will not turn as a monster be sure of that. And yes i did think that maybe i could become like my abusers but as i find out its a urban legend. If you want to talk about feel free to ask what ever on your mind. I am here to try to help. Have a good day.

Jp
 
Please Jaso, dont say it is stupids things you are thinking of. What apend to you made lost of damage in your mind and in your feelings and even in your sexuality.

So dont say its stupid what is going in you. You hare very brave to reatch to your mother and sister and also to us. I know lots tell you it takes time to heal. Be patient i know it can be hard by time but i guest you can do it make yourself better.

Take care

Jp
 
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