Scared about my job

[onlyakid]

I was talking to the women who does our finances at work and I found out that our finances aren't good and we may be closing soon (next few months) if sales don't pickup or somehow we can get a loan or something.

I'm scared because I don't feel like I am qualified enough to get a new job. I almost feel like issues with my abuse and productivity would have gotten me fired a long time ago with any other boss but he just likes to complain and doesn't really take action.

Regardless of my companies finanical situation and even if I knew that they'd be around for the next 10 years, this is not a job that I can make a career. I can't afford to live on my own and stay in my current job. I am currently in my parent's basement.

I know I have to do it, I just don't think I can.

 

[roadrunner]

jtt,

I know how you feel bro. But remember that a lot of these feelings of inadequacy and failure are just that - feelings. They were generated by ourselves as boys when we looked at a world that would allow a child to be misused in such terrible ways, and we asked "why?" No answer came, so we provided one on our own. I'm not worth anything better. I "deserved it". Etc.

But we DID deserve better, and those feelings don't describe who we are or what we can do. That is proven time after time here when we see our brothers finishing high school, going through college, gaining degrees, finding new jobs, exploring new careers, establishing a new relationship or restoring an existing one, and so on.

Your thoughts that you can't make a shift to a new job or career also probably come - entirely or at least in part - from your past abuse. What does a raped kid learn, after all, if not that the world is a dangerous place and that many adults are "out there" just to hurt him. That feeling doesn't just go away when we turn 18 or 21.

I rather suspect that when push comes to shove you will in fact be able to do this. And as you yourself suggest, it may in fact be a very positive change for you.

But keep posting and letting us know how things are going. We will do all we can to support you.

Much love,
Larry