Saying STOP to Doorstep Salesmen?
delta.tetra
Registrant
How?
I've been learning in therapy about boundaries, and I notice I am not very good at indicating my boundaries, or even noticing where my boundaries are. Practically, I always find it difficult or impossible to say 'stop'.
The doorbell rang and I went down to open the door, and there was a young man with a clipboard and some advertising material. There is a beauty salon that has been open for four whole months and to celebrate they are looking for customers. I was offered such delights as 25% off the cost of a vibro-massage, or the latest sun-beds, or a hair colour treatment, or acrylic painted finger nails. If I wanted to sign up today for some 25% off-offers I would get a free skin consultation and face treatment, for nothing! He went on and on and I was totally detached. I was giggling thinking about how my father might be a better customer for fake nails (he's a 79yo transsexual), thinking about how it would be impossible for me to get a good facial with a beard, and about how shitty I myself had always felt on doorsteps when I was a door-to-door salesman years ago, the unhappy girlfriend I had back then etc, lots of irrelevant noise in my head. I was spaced out, unconnected to the moment. I let him do his whole presentation before I congratulated him on remembering his sales pitch so well, and said NO I wasn't interested. He went away cursing under his breath that I could have said stop sooner!
"I could have said 'Stop' sooner?" I thought afterwards, "Why, that's what I was practicing yesterday at therapy and here in real life I completely blew it!" I had given no indication whatsoever that I was not interested in the product on sale, for ages and ages. I set no boundary, so the salesman had to keep on guessing where my boundary might be. Instead of sending him away with a quick clear message, I wasted his time and effort, and mine, and suffered the time detachment, drifting through the incidental emotional memories triggered, not at all in the here-and-now, because of MY lack of respect for my own boundaries.
After I said no, he rang my next-door-neighbours doorbell. She must have told him she wasn't interested straight away, because she got rid of him in about twenty seconds. Good boundaries! I could have done the same, because I knew instantly I was never going to buy anything from him. I wanted to write this incident down so as to not forget instantly instantly.
I want to say also, me going to therapy each week I think will work for me, I have hope, its already helping me see things in my life I didn't know about AND NEED TO CHANGE and helping me express myself in new ways.
So, got any hints about respecting your own boundaries?
I've been learning in therapy about boundaries, and I notice I am not very good at indicating my boundaries, or even noticing where my boundaries are. Practically, I always find it difficult or impossible to say 'stop'.
The doorbell rang and I went down to open the door, and there was a young man with a clipboard and some advertising material. There is a beauty salon that has been open for four whole months and to celebrate they are looking for customers. I was offered such delights as 25% off the cost of a vibro-massage, or the latest sun-beds, or a hair colour treatment, or acrylic painted finger nails. If I wanted to sign up today for some 25% off-offers I would get a free skin consultation and face treatment, for nothing! He went on and on and I was totally detached. I was giggling thinking about how my father might be a better customer for fake nails (he's a 79yo transsexual), thinking about how it would be impossible for me to get a good facial with a beard, and about how shitty I myself had always felt on doorsteps when I was a door-to-door salesman years ago, the unhappy girlfriend I had back then etc, lots of irrelevant noise in my head. I was spaced out, unconnected to the moment. I let him do his whole presentation before I congratulated him on remembering his sales pitch so well, and said NO I wasn't interested. He went away cursing under his breath that I could have said stop sooner!
"I could have said 'Stop' sooner?" I thought afterwards, "Why, that's what I was practicing yesterday at therapy and here in real life I completely blew it!" I had given no indication whatsoever that I was not interested in the product on sale, for ages and ages. I set no boundary, so the salesman had to keep on guessing where my boundary might be. Instead of sending him away with a quick clear message, I wasted his time and effort, and mine, and suffered the time detachment, drifting through the incidental emotional memories triggered, not at all in the here-and-now, because of MY lack of respect for my own boundaries.
After I said no, he rang my next-door-neighbours doorbell. She must have told him she wasn't interested straight away, because she got rid of him in about twenty seconds. Good boundaries! I could have done the same, because I knew instantly I was never going to buy anything from him. I wanted to write this incident down so as to not forget instantly instantly.
I want to say also, me going to therapy each week I think will work for me, I have hope, its already helping me see things in my life I didn't know about AND NEED TO CHANGE and helping me express myself in new ways.
So, got any hints about respecting your own boundaries?