Sadness TTT

[reality2k4]

I am saddened by some of the posts I have read of brothers having such heated arguments in the forum. I don't know what started it or how these things come to be.

What I do know, is that we are all going down this same old road, we come here, maybe to find friends, answers, sympathy or maybe something we shouldn't be here for.

We should be here to help, if we can, and the majority of us here do that pretty well, we are all individuals, we have different views, we come from all walks of life, we come from different religions, we also come here in various state of recovery. Some of us act so strong, we are frowned on by those who feel they cannot cope.

Cope? What is that? We all have times when coping is such a hard thing to even think about, but we coped in the past, I cannot think how I did or even do sometimes, the internet was not available when my abuse took place, it is such an invaluable tool, when you can land on a site like this, and find like minded people, indeed many of us wallowed for years, not having anyone to share this burden.

The many facets we face are unbelievable, it drains us, it disturbs us, but sadly we can be consoled by knowing we can share our experiences with others, or not as we choose, sometimes we are crying for help, why not? I cried for help for years, the cries were silenced by the humiliation, fear, GUILT, and having to live the LIE.

Don't know which is worse, I still feel guilt, why? This is conditioned into me, but I have gotten to live with that so much more easily as time passes, but why are we still feeling guilt, when we are the victims? Don't know anything about psychology, all I know is what happened to me, but it sure did do a good job of screwing up my life, it knocked me down so many times, but I always got back up, I got back up because I went to the lowest part of life I can ever remember, after I had been there, I saw the damage, I felt the damage, and thought, if I don't work on this I will go over and just have to let it take me.

The lie, apart from my family, there are not many people who know about this terrible secret, it is so hard living a life, when you have to live with the constant lie, the lie can eat at us, because we can appear so secretive about our lives, we constantly lie to protect ourselves' from the (guilt), we sometimes think others do not care, we sometimes think? Why bother? I bother because I know how hard it is to live with guilt and lies, and yet none of it was invited into my life, but it is still there!

Nobody in this group should have to live with guilt or lies, but we do, none of us invited it in, no matter what you may have thought, CSA/SA/MA , is not what we ever wanted, it was just that we had to go through it, we have to forge our lives through seemingly impossible situations, we were dealt the wrong hand, but we are a lot stronger than we think we are, if we weren't, then we would not be here to share these things, they sometimes are not good things to share, but hey, sharing is an experience.

When we go through a childhood riddled with despair, it is very difficult. When you are the child, it is a time of great things, building who you are, and basing your every future gesture on what we gleaned in formative years, when the cycle of this is taken away as a child, we learn to live with a whole new set of rules, they can be destructive, they can be defensive, they can be negative, sometimes we do not see this, as we can be seen to be so inward and conflicting. I think this is because we always have an inner conflict.

Brothers, never forget! We are there always together, or not, we need to be there for others who are going through the pain we also endured, the pain that can be so destructive depending on how far we have got to along this lonely road. Please be vigilant of people who need you, tell them you care, invite them into your life, don't shut them away, make sure your own boundaries are never broken, but please try to embrace the differences we all share, we are not used to sharing, but hey, now we can all share.

Only if we want it to happen.

Let us drop, the "GUILT" No, it never was our fault!

Let us drop the "LIE" why should we have to lie any more when we are here?

Let us offer the hand of friendship to those we trust, and say hello, I want to share this with you, maybe sharing is something we lost in all of our childhoods' I don't know, but I only write from what I think is happening here, you can shoot me for this, but I do care.

This is written without prejudice, but it hurt me and other people, who I care for and don't even really know, but one thing is for certain, we never have a right to injure anyone who may be down, no matter how we feel.

Ste

 

Ste,

That was beautifully done. As one of the parties involved in this fiasco, I really appreciate your sentiments.

There is never an excuse for us to hurt one another, regardless of our own pain. To remember that we are dealing with sometimes very fragile individuals is important.

We have all been through enough pain and anguish that the thought of causing another more of the same should make us sick.

We all came here broken and defeated men. And the purpose of this site is to offer hope, support and understanding.

The incident which you refer to has upset not just the participants, but those who had to witness it. And for that, I am deeply saddened.

But I thank God that even then, there are people who will reach out and support all of us. That we don't have to make fools of ourselves as I did to bolt and run.

Enough of this. It is time to end pain and anguish where we can. And support and pray for others when we cannot.

Thank you, Ste, for pointing all of this out.

Marc

 

[The Dean]

This is an interesting thread that comes along after particularly brutal assaults on one another. I wonder, and that is all it is, a wondering:

Do you think that there is a part of us that makes us want to abuse someone or someones, as a way of neautralizing our rage? We can't sexually abuse nor physically abuse, so when the pressure builds we may assault verbally.

We opened the Unmoderated Forum for people to air out personal issues. The idea is, it seems to me, that if we go there, we go there at our own risk. I seldom go there unless asked to do so. I do know that it was never our intention that the unmoderated forum would be the forum where no civility is expected, nor even desired.

Your ideas Ste speak well to the fact that we are all people who have been harmed badly. So we cannot hope to always be at our best. As a result a word is misinterpreted and a major firefight begins.

Somehow, I feel we need to have a place where we can vent and not pay a penalty for having a bad day, or week. Yet I think we must need to remind ourselves that no one here is the enemy. We all fight against common enemies:
lack of security, poor self-esteem, a long list of effects of abuse, mental illness and sometimes physical illness related to our abuse, bad days, awful days, unbearable days, lack of understanding that boys are harmed by SA, and it sure as hell is not just "boys being boys" and it never was, and the list goes on and on. Maybe if we could strategize an effective war plan against these enemies we could feel something of the brotherhood of the "Corps" (Marines).

The more united we get in fighting our enemies, the individual ones and the common ones, the more focused we can be. The more focused we are, the better chance of wining the gold medal.

Bob

 

[RICK57]

Ste - I don't know who has been attacking whom in the forums, but I will willingly agree with you that we all need each other here.

I appreciate every segment of support that I have ever been offered here & willingly accept it. When I first posted here I misinterpreted some of the responses (but thankfully waited & read them again)and became more confused - I know now that the people that made those responses are some of the best people on this planet - they care, they are genuine.

I bet everyone had to read that twice (don't lie).

Best wishes...Rik

 

[EGL]

Thank you, Ste, for a very eloquent and poignant reminder of why we are here. We all came here broken, hoping to find something to repair ourselves, not further hammers to destroy what is left of us.

Speaking for myself, what I witnessed last night was triggering, reminding me of issues in the past with my 2 brothers, both of whom I no longer have a relationship with. I felt the despair of knowing that nothing can restore me to them again like it should be. I'm glad the tone has settled down again, and hopefully we can all focus on the purpose, helping each other to understand the brutality of the world we live in and how to make ourselves and each other whole again.