I decided to post part 2 here oh, you will see why in a minute.
part 1: https://forum.malesurvivor.org/threads/sadness.75644/#post-530683
*****
Let me tell you about tonight. We have four Easter services two on Saturday night and two on Sunday morning, so we have enough room for everyone. We do the same thing at Christmas. I was there by myself for the first service. My wife was not feeling well and stayed at home. I volunteer in kids church on most weeks. About a month ago, a little boy was new and I introduced myself to him. And we got to talking. Cute little boy. Ever since then, he treats me like his buddy. Always comes up to me and says hi with a great big smile. Today's service was special. Since it is Easter, they have the kids come in with the adults for worship. So the little boy was there. It was also a baptism service. The boy's father was getting baptized. He gave me his smile like always. During worship, I started to realize, the boy is only 3 years old. The same age I was when my father abused me.
I started to feel the overwhelming sadness again seeing this boy, because he looked a lot like me at that age. Seeing how tiny he was, and what a horrible thing it would be for someone my size now, to do something so horrific to a little boy that size. The feeling was overwhelming.
However, I could feel the presence of Jesus. It was as if he was sitting there right next to me in the empty seat next to where I was sitting. He held my hand while I was going through the sadness. Helping me through it, letting me know everything would be okay. And I pretended to hold his hand through the rest of the service. At the end of our service we always have altar calls and we have Pastor on one side and Deacon on another who are there for prayers if anyone needs it. I was able to go up to the Deacon and ask for prayer. I told him "just pray!" So he did, just a blanket prayer, well I enveloped him. And started to sob deep deep tears from the bottom of my soul. Lasted at least five minutes. Almost feel sorry for the Deacon. He is rather short, and I am rather large. But he did well. I did not need to explain, but he knew I was in pain. I was eventually able to compose myself and take communion and get back to my seat. And Jesus was with me the entire time.
part 1: https://forum.malesurvivor.org/threads/sadness.75644/#post-530683
*****
Let me tell you about tonight. We have four Easter services two on Saturday night and two on Sunday morning, so we have enough room for everyone. We do the same thing at Christmas. I was there by myself for the first service. My wife was not feeling well and stayed at home. I volunteer in kids church on most weeks. About a month ago, a little boy was new and I introduced myself to him. And we got to talking. Cute little boy. Ever since then, he treats me like his buddy. Always comes up to me and says hi with a great big smile. Today's service was special. Since it is Easter, they have the kids come in with the adults for worship. So the little boy was there. It was also a baptism service. The boy's father was getting baptized. He gave me his smile like always. During worship, I started to realize, the boy is only 3 years old. The same age I was when my father abused me.
I started to feel the overwhelming sadness again seeing this boy, because he looked a lot like me at that age. Seeing how tiny he was, and what a horrible thing it would be for someone my size now, to do something so horrific to a little boy that size. The feeling was overwhelming.
However, I could feel the presence of Jesus. It was as if he was sitting there right next to me in the empty seat next to where I was sitting. He held my hand while I was going through the sadness. Helping me through it, letting me know everything would be okay. And I pretended to hold his hand through the rest of the service. At the end of our service we always have altar calls and we have Pastor on one side and Deacon on another who are there for prayers if anyone needs it. I was able to go up to the Deacon and ask for prayer. I told him "just pray!" So he did, just a blanket prayer, well I enveloped him. And started to sob deep deep tears from the bottom of my soul. Lasted at least five minutes. Almost feel sorry for the Deacon. He is rather short, and I am rather large. But he did well. I did not need to explain, but he knew I was in pain. I was eventually able to compose myself and take communion and get back to my seat. And Jesus was with me the entire time.
