Saddness at increases of abuses and people not wanting to ehar about it anymore...
bountiful1
Registrant
I have found it quite sad to read in the paper again today about a rise in sexual abuse. So often over the last several months - I have read again and again in the newspapers that abuse of all kinds is on the rise, and also; that it has become fashionable for people to not concern themselves with how their actions might affect others. I remember so clearly several of the men who abused me sexually telling me that they didn't have to concern themselves with how what they did might affect me.
I was also disheartened when reading an article in the New York Times by a woman who said she was sick and tired of hearing about people having been abused and was glorifying walking around keeping a lid on it as a socially more acceptable way of dealing (or not dealing) with having been abused. The times received fifty to one responses in favor of her dictates. Silence is, of course, exactly what abusers need in order to continue abusing. I also read in the times of a writer who when reporting having been raped, the councellor told her - with a smile and a giggle - that now she didn't have to worry about losing her virginity.
Some of the newspapers attribute the rise in sexual and physical (as well as corperate) abuses to the post 9/11 anxiety and a new belief in society that people who don't think they have to care about the feelings of others acting out their anxiety by abusing wherever they can.
I know I am extremely naive and cannot imagine that people do this conciously, but with the rise in abuse - and the trend towards not caring about the result of one's actions on others - I am, for the first time, very disheartened.
I am not a well educated man, so I hope that what I am expressing here is emotionally clear.
I am writing this to express my saddness at living in a time when abuse is on the rise. And I am writing this to express my saddness that prominent writers want us to shut up about it, and that the vast majority of people agree with her.
I am heartened though with the idea my therapist gave me. That just because something is the way it is, does not mean we have to accept it. That just because the reality of this world is that abusers abuse - does not mean it ever has to be accepted. Historically, society has been able to remove atrocities because they are big issues. Collectively society has proven itself quite strong. People had to put others first for a bit, and it worked wonders. I forget sometimes what I have learned in recovery: that even on days when I don't feel good enough about myself, I can still care for everyone around me. (Challenging, but their needs are as important as mine).
I have to keep reminding myself that drug cocktails for people with aids came about because of people demanding to be heard and acting up with aggressive but unhurtful rage until they were heard. I also have to remind myself that the civil rights and woman's rights movements were moved forward by acting up - and demanding to be seen, heard, and taken care of. I remember my Mother telling me of how wretched other people were towards her just because she worked, and how they raged in the face of that.
I guess what I am expressing here is a wish that even in the face of an enormuos rise in abuse and a society that doesn't want to hear about it - that we will continue to provide a safe place for each other to rage against abuse.
And that just because abuse is a reality and that people don't want to hear about it - does not mean we ever have to accept it - just because it is how things are. Just because it is the way things are - does not make it acceptable.
I hope for a future when all people can be cared for - by others when they are in need - and of others when they are able to do so.
Happy Holidays and a wish for kindness and love in actions you do and in actions you experience.
My heart goes out to each of you who has sufferd at the hands of others. I wish a world of safety and kindness for us all.
bless us all.
Asher
I was also disheartened when reading an article in the New York Times by a woman who said she was sick and tired of hearing about people having been abused and was glorifying walking around keeping a lid on it as a socially more acceptable way of dealing (or not dealing) with having been abused. The times received fifty to one responses in favor of her dictates. Silence is, of course, exactly what abusers need in order to continue abusing. I also read in the times of a writer who when reporting having been raped, the councellor told her - with a smile and a giggle - that now she didn't have to worry about losing her virginity.
Some of the newspapers attribute the rise in sexual and physical (as well as corperate) abuses to the post 9/11 anxiety and a new belief in society that people who don't think they have to care about the feelings of others acting out their anxiety by abusing wherever they can.
I know I am extremely naive and cannot imagine that people do this conciously, but with the rise in abuse - and the trend towards not caring about the result of one's actions on others - I am, for the first time, very disheartened.
I am not a well educated man, so I hope that what I am expressing here is emotionally clear.
I am writing this to express my saddness at living in a time when abuse is on the rise. And I am writing this to express my saddness that prominent writers want us to shut up about it, and that the vast majority of people agree with her.
I am heartened though with the idea my therapist gave me. That just because something is the way it is, does not mean we have to accept it. That just because the reality of this world is that abusers abuse - does not mean it ever has to be accepted. Historically, society has been able to remove atrocities because they are big issues. Collectively society has proven itself quite strong. People had to put others first for a bit, and it worked wonders. I forget sometimes what I have learned in recovery: that even on days when I don't feel good enough about myself, I can still care for everyone around me. (Challenging, but their needs are as important as mine).
I have to keep reminding myself that drug cocktails for people with aids came about because of people demanding to be heard and acting up with aggressive but unhurtful rage until they were heard. I also have to remind myself that the civil rights and woman's rights movements were moved forward by acting up - and demanding to be seen, heard, and taken care of. I remember my Mother telling me of how wretched other people were towards her just because she worked, and how they raged in the face of that.
I guess what I am expressing here is a wish that even in the face of an enormuos rise in abuse and a society that doesn't want to hear about it - that we will continue to provide a safe place for each other to rage against abuse.
And that just because abuse is a reality and that people don't want to hear about it - does not mean we ever have to accept it - just because it is how things are. Just because it is the way things are - does not make it acceptable.
I hope for a future when all people can be cared for - by others when they are in need - and of others when they are able to do so.
Happy Holidays and a wish for kindness and love in actions you do and in actions you experience.
My heart goes out to each of you who has sufferd at the hands of others. I wish a world of safety and kindness for us all.
bless us all.
Asher
