Sad and Scaraed

Sad and Scaraed
B

Bill_h_pike

Registrant
Ever since I've began dealing the abuse I've been feeling really, really sad all the time. No matter what I do the sadness permeates my mind. Now that school is out I've to much time crying in my bedroom. Sometimes I browse wikipedia for hours trying to keep the sadness out but it always wins.

I'm scared of the upcoming trial. I don't want to have to tell my story to and then get picked it apart with everyone watching. I know the defense attorney will call me a liar every time I misspeak.

I try not to let my parents see me cry. I feel so guilty about letting my pain hurt them. It's not their fault my life sucks so much. They shouldn't have to deal with an emotional train wreck like me.
:( :( :( :( :( :( :(
 
Bill - you know you are right, whatever anyone else says in court! Always remember that. The police made a case because your evidence was so good.

Try and think of the defence attorney sitting on the toilet if he tries to frighten you - they are not better people than us just because they are lawyers.

He will be getting paid to defend a pervert. You will be defending justice, because you know it is right! Be strong, I've been there and had the same concerns that you do!

Best wishes ...Rik
 
I hear you Bill. I hear the tone of your voice in text of your words. I don't know EXACTLY how you feel but I have a pretty good idea of what it's like fearing to talk about it and possibly being emarrassed by what you'll have to say.

May I offer you a little dose of reality for the moment? It's expected for someone in your position to feel an UNBELIEVABLE amount of stress and anxiety right now, and yes, it sucks, all of it, nothing but ugly feelings.

But you should know this, and I think that I can speak for most of us at MS (those of us who never told and/or went to trial) wish soooo badly that we had. One day in the future, you will have a sense of justice and closure sometime after all this shit is done. And not only that, if you're having trouble with anything in your life after this, at least your parents will have some clue as to what it is that is troubling you. I never told my parents anything about my abuse, so when all of the social/school/life problems manifested themselves with me, they didn't know what to do. I paid a terrible price for my silence.
 
I wish that I had the guts to have told someone about my abuse as a child. I could have had some letting go instead of keeping it inside for all these years.
 
Yes, here's a third on that. Bill, you will feel pain and sadness. It is best to let it happen. Go through it. Face up to the questions. take this on. It will liberate you... both you and your parents will be best off with it all in the open. It will set you on the course for an honest life, and that may be the most important thing....

tell us how it goes...
 
Bill,

First, like other's have said, the stress associated with the trial is a natural thing no matter who is having to give testimony. That doesn't make it any easier, but it is something most everyone faces.

I'd like to address the other thing you said about trying to keep your tears and pain hidden from your parents. Would you consider me wrong if I were to suggest you do just the opposite? If my daughter were in your position I would want to help carry her burden, to lessen her load, if only just a little. I would be hurt more if I knew she was hurting and knew she felt she couldn't come to me. Our loved ones are there to help us through the tough times as well as celebrate the happy ones. I would beg of you to go to them and tell them of our pain. It won't make them love you any less and in fact will deepen their love and resolve to be there for you.

I saw a commercial today on TV where a guy bent and broke a stick quite easily. He then picked up several more sticks and holding them in a bunch tried to break them. He was unable to. It's the same with us as families when we help each other through the pain. Alone, we break. Together we are unbreakable.

Confide in them, Bill. They'll understand, and together you'll be stronger than if you are trying to go it alone.

Lots of love,

John
 
Bill,

As a father myself I want to tell you something. There isn't a thing in the world I wouldn't do to help my son, and one of my greatest hopes for him is that he knows and trusts that fact. When he had some difficulties himself awhile back, the first thing I asked him was whether anyone had hurt him in any way. He assured me that wasn't in the picture, but I told him again that if there was ANYTHING like that bothering him he had to tell us immediately and we would understand and not blame him.

I think your parents will do the same for you Bill. I know what a huge burden all this is, and the bottom line is that no 15 yo, no matter how mature he is, is meant to be able to handle this crap on his own. It really is too much.

I have said this before, so I will just stress it again. Just tell your parents everything, Bill. If you are frightened, say so and talk about it. If you are confused, say so. If you feel ashamed or guilty or feel like it's all your fault, say so. Just let it out. You will feel a LOT better. I am doing the same thing with my Mom and Dad, and they are 79 and 81 years old! ;)

Tears: Don't be afraid to cry bro. You have a lot to cry about, and there again it's best just to let it out. Don't worry about upsetting your parents. I would be willing to bet however much you are willing to lose that if you showed this post to your parents, they would agree with me 100%.

Crying isn't about being girly or a sissy, it's about letting out how you feel. Yes, there's a big male macho thing about men crying, but I bet if you checked with the guys here there isn't a ONE who hasn't cried his eyes out over what happened to him. I am 57, Bill, and I have cried in front of my wife, parents, friends, children, and every single time when I see my therapist. Let me tell you, it's a great relief to let go of all that built-up tension and drama.

It just isn't good to keep any of this inside Bill, and if you can believe and trust this fact, you will be so much better off.

Much love,
Larry
 
Bill,

its hard to know what you are going through, but in time it will be behind you.
Your parents want you to be happier, everyone does, and you are not a wreck.

The trial has an attorney who defends you, and he will not let you feel humiliated, but hopefully it will not get to trial.

Things do get easier as time passes, believe me they do, and any of the guys on this board will tell you the same.

Hang in there,

ste
 
Bill,

Hang in there. You've come a long way from your abuse. I've spent many days and nights in tears so I know how the sadness can be like at times. I sometimes just need to let it all out even if it is in front of others who won't really understand. When you feel it you feel it and its not good to hold it in.

We're with you my friend...

Jesse
 
Bill,

It has been a few days, so I am wondering how you are getting on with this problem of feeling sad and scared.

Here's an idea now that school is out. How about asking your Dad to do some things with you, whatever it is that you would both enjoy? A film, throwing a football or baseball around, flying kites, a hike, whatever.

Want to know what mine was when I was in your situation? I challenged my Dad to a raw egg fight. We wasted a lot of eggs and both of us and the house were a mess, and my Mom was sooooo pissed when she got home!!! But we had a great time and it's something we still laugh about, even though he is 81 and I'm 57.

In the face of these terrible things in our lives, sometimes the best response is just to reach out to the people we need.

How much do eggs cost where you are? ;) :D

Much love,
Larry
 
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