sad again

sad again
B

Brayton

Registrant
This doesn't really need any kind of response. I think it helps to just put it out there and know that guys are reading and empathizing.

I kept really busy today and now have a few minutes to myself so I have sunk way down. The effects of a terrible flashback yesterday have kept me down. I cried last night and probably will again--not enough to keep me distracted.

Its so awful to remember these things. I don't know why they have to be so vivid sometimes and like I am hurting the same way all over again. Its terrifying, actually.
 
i am sorry brett - i hope there is some sunshine for you today -
contact me if you want or need -
mark
 
Brett, I think the kind of flashbacks you describe are the hardest part of having brought the abuse to the forefront. I ache for the experience you are having. I am ok, but I remember those things and what a torture they were. I am grateful that I do not have these anymore at that level of intensity.

As we always say, take care of yourself Brett. Be good to yourself. And remind yourself that these are in the past, you cannot be harmed like this again. You are safe from this abuser.

Let us know if we can help.
Bob
 
Brett, I do emphathize with you, bud. I know it's horrible when these memories come, but also know that only each individual knows how horrible each one is. We're here for you and thinking about you.
 
Brett,

I'm with you brother. I know how it feels. The flashbacks literally make me feel I am going to pass out. So I feel for you.

Take good care of yourself, my brother.

Marc
 
Yes, Brayton, I understand the fear, and how hard it is to 're live' all this over and over again. I hate it too. I'm sorry that you are having a rough time with it right now, and I hope it becomes a little easier for you soon. Just remember that there are ups and downs. The down you have right now would mean there's an 'up' coming along soon.

Leosha
 
Hey Brett. I know that this won't come as a surprise, but I've been where you are with these types of memories. Our experiences are very similar... you know that. Living without memories makes it all the more difficult when they finally come. Especially the vivid flashbacks. I know that you know my flashbacks were so bad that I tried to check out for good back in November. Despite the failed attempt, it made me realize that the only way to heal was to relive this.

I know it seems backwards. The mind works so hard to protect us from the trauma. We bury it so deeply, but until it comes out and we not only admit it and examine it, but actually FEEL it again, do we actually begin to move on.

You have been doing some intense work in therapy lately, so it doesn't seem strange that this would be working itself out of the depths of your psyche right now. You know I'm here for you. PM me if you need to.

My favorite quote of all time, even before I started to work on my past, is:
"One cannot reach the dawn save by the path of night."

It's amazing what our true self knows, even before we begin the journey.
 
((((((((((((Brett))))))))))))

It's hard, my friend. I can't really offer anything else but my love and compassion.

I do care about you, brother, and I hope you see the light end of the ohm scale soon.

(God, I'm such a nerd!)

Peace and love, Brett.

Scot
 
It is replies like these that affirm my presence here.

I have a good T but I am certain without the support of you all, I wouldn't be able to make the kind of progress I seem to be making.

Today is a good day. Had therapy this morning and she helped me understand my reactions to the flashback. We discussed strategies for dealing with it as it and others return and as new memories come forward.

There isn't a single aspect of these steps forward that is not fueled in an important way by the energy of this place.

I thank you all, always, but especially today.
 
I empathize with you, I totally understand how you feel. I know the fear, nay terror, can be almost debilitating at times, but you can make it. You survived the horrible things once, isn't that enough? But you did survive and continue to survive and that is the important thing. Take care and keep heading through it all. PM me if you need a shoulder.

scott
 
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