running..too
I'm running too. Off work..again. Couldn't tell what had been happening, but I let work know "family issues" were really affecting me. Wish I wasn't here.
Dammit!!!! What happens when work isn't even important enough to stick there?!! I DON'T CARE!! I NEED TO VENT. TOO MUCH STUFF INSIDE!!! WHAT COULD I DO??? WHAT COULD I DO?!!! AAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!! NOTHING SEEMS TO MATTER WHEN I PUT THE "IMAGE" AWAY. BEING "RESPONSIBLE" SO EVERYONE CAN SEE "ME" AND MY RESPONSIBILITY. BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! GOD DAM IMAGES. NO FRICKEN GOOD!!!!!! They haven't served me yet, and they won't. They won't ever get me healed. NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! They won't ever get me healed!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THAT'S ALL I'VE EVER HID BEHIND!!!
So here I am. Noone knows what's going on with me, and I didn't. Not until this morning. Everything is going under. I won't mess it up. I won't keep it from happening. BUT HOW CAN I KEEP HONESTY FROM MY WIFE WHEN SHE PANICS OVER MONEY--HER FUTURE--HER SECURITY--AND SHE NEEDS SOME. WHAT COULD I DO??!! WHAT COULD I TELL HER?
Thank you, whether you choose to help me or not.
Thank you for helping me all this time. You are the only ones I know who I know know what it's like.
PTSD. Depression. Lying. Deceiving..them and myself. Lying. Hiding. Self berating. Lying. I can't stand, but have lived by this. Fuck. This is new. No comment please.
Dammit!!!! What happens when work isn't even important enough to stick there?!! I DON'T CARE!! I NEED TO VENT. TOO MUCH STUFF INSIDE!!! WHAT COULD I DO??? WHAT COULD I DO?!!! AAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!! NOTHING SEEMS TO MATTER WHEN I PUT THE "IMAGE" AWAY. BEING "RESPONSIBLE" SO EVERYONE CAN SEE "ME" AND MY RESPONSIBILITY. BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! GOD DAM IMAGES. NO FRICKEN GOOD!!!!!! They haven't served me yet, and they won't. They won't ever get me healed. NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! They won't ever get me healed!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THAT'S ALL I'VE EVER HID BEHIND!!!
So here I am. Noone knows what's going on with me, and I didn't. Not until this morning. Everything is going under. I won't mess it up. I won't keep it from happening. BUT HOW CAN I KEEP HONESTY FROM MY WIFE WHEN SHE PANICS OVER MONEY--HER FUTURE--HER SECURITY--AND SHE NEEDS SOME. WHAT COULD I DO??!! WHAT COULD I TELL HER?
Thank you, whether you choose to help me or not.
Thank you for helping me all this time. You are the only ones I know who I know know what it's like.
PTSD. Depression. Lying. Deceiving..them and myself. Lying. Hiding. Self berating. Lying. I can't stand, but have lived by this. Fuck. This is new. No comment please.