Rough with the smooth *triggers*

Healing light

Registrant
Picking apart the happy memories from the traumatic memories can be a challenge
Sometimes it feels like I open a box that has something happy at the top but underneath there's this murky underworld
Anyways I have had a memory arise in one of these scenarios and I don't know if it's true or not I keep having the same dream on a loop but trying to actually remember consciously I can't seems to be all subconscious and body triggers my therapist thinks I'm probably not wanting to deal with it right now that I'm still pretty closed to dealing with that area of my abuse and recovery
I probably am , and actually I'm probably a bit tired of 'dealing' with it all

That is just a after therapy vent

Peace
HL
 

manipulated

Staff member
HL if you can definitively determine if a recurring dream is real let us know... I have a recurring dream that predates the scoutmaster but when I wake - nothing - yet here 50 years later it still pops up occasionally...
 

Healing light

Registrant
HL if you can definitively determine if a recurring dream is real let us know... I have a recurring dream that predates the scoutmaster but when I wake - nothing - yet here 50 years later it still pops up occasionally...
Thanks for your post
Dreams are strange aren't they. The subconscious mind controls them so it's hard to know if they have any truth or not
I'm sorry you have one too as it's nor nice at all
 
my T says keep pen and paper close to the bed write down anything u remember right away capture the thoughts and feeling b-4 they disappear so u can look deeper into it when ur fully awake
 
I think I maybe lucky when I awake from night terrors I have no memory's of what was going on. I have not remembered dreams or night mares for decades now.
 

Healing light

Registrant
my T says keep pen and paper close to the bed write down anything u remember right away capture the thoughts and feeling b-4 they disappear so u can look deeper into it when ur fully awake
Thanks for your post I appreciate it
****Triggers****

Yeah a T suggested that a while ago ,




..... I remember the dream and how I feel with this one really vivid but I don't remember the event actually happening. Or anything remotely similar although the person in my dream did do things to me I remember multiple incidents some are sketchy due to me being drunk or high when they did happen but I can still say I know that happened this though I can't say that and I think that's weird.
I will hold my hands up and admit I don't want it to be a true memory my therapist knows I don't too I'd say.
I'd like to stay in denial over it all it softens the blow. Inwardly I'm not in denial about facts I'm sure of but I struggle to label him an abuser of me. Or talk about what happened much there's many reasons I struggle to do that was not your average abuser/abused dynamics before I disclosed I still saw him most days life went on like nothing happened I used to buy him a gift a Christmas like seriously wtf ! I'd laugh at his jokes , trauma bonding therapist says. I feel completely different towards him than others , loads of conflicting feelings
I think I maybe lucky when I awake from night terrors I have no memory's of what was going on. I have not remembered dreams or night mares for decades now.
That's good I think , mine have been much better before this little episode I'm getting back to sleep though pretty quick and sleeping better on the whole
Thanks for your post my friend
Peace
HL
 
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