rough day the other day


Although I try very hard to balance things and not let my abuse define me, I do not feel I can stop occasionally speaking out. Why? Because often when I have someone, whether a friend or a stranger, usually guys but also some women, have disclosed to me their own abuse. Many had never told anyone before. Many hadn't even realized that what they experienced was abuse.
That being said, last night and this morning were tough as hell. But I got through it. Deep breaths, body mindfulness, and sending thoughts away on the backs of birds (in my mind) helped. But progress even in suffering: I knew I'd be ok. More importantly, I knew I *deserved* to be ok.
I also realize I am more than safe. I have a *lot* of people cheering for me. Most people have been quite supportive.
However I must tell you the worst part. It wasn't the abuse itself. It was being *blamed* on it. It was misandry, which is very real. I know now that feminism and misandry are not the same thing, yet *enough* feminists are misandrist, and all too many others passively enable abuse of men by not speaking up. I've talked with dozens of male survivors on an online support group and they all have felt the stains of misandry.
Our bodies have been violated, but more than that our bodies have been demonized and treated like a symbol of oppression. This is something we deal with every day. I know misogyny is common, but misandry is as well, and it's tolerated. I've heard it regularly.
Not only does misandry hurt men, but it hurts women and the women's movement as well. Misogyny attacks women but I think it more makes people support women's equality *more* listening to the bigotry against it. But misandry only seems to show evidence to many men *and* many women that the misogynists are right.