RIP barkley

RIP barkley
P

puppy

Registrant
i havent been around in awhile. i got so busy with school that everything else just went away. this semester has been really hard and i sorta went into survival mode and figured ill wake up again in december. anyway i guess my whole routine has been totally shaken up and i dont know where to go from here.

i got a pupp over a year ago. not sure why, just wanted the company. and he turned out to be the best little friend i could ever have. i never really 'got it' before, all those dog people who spend so much money on crazy little toys and talk about their pets as kids. i mostly thought they were a little weird. but yeah, i got my little barkley and suddenly i was a weirdo dog parent buying 50 dollar toys just to see him get excited. its unreal how much you can love an animal.

anyway...now here i am. friday morning. this has been the most hellish week of my life. and all things considered, thats a pretty heavy statemtn. i woke up on really early on monday to study, and i got a lot done. i was happy about that. just another start to another long week, too many assignments due, blah blah blah. and then iheard a big thump downstairs. i went to see what the dog was getting into. and there he was on the floor having a seizure. strangest thing ever. awful to watch. i freaked out. and that was the first of 4 that day and way too manymore over the next couple days. its sort of a blur of sick feelings. the vet didnt know what was wrong. his blood was normal, no liver problems. she said its gotta be something wrong with his brain, maybe epilepsy, but hed need an MRI and a few other procedures to be sure. probably about $2000. which to a college student sounds like a zillion dollars. i could probably come up with 50 dollars if i tried realy hard. but it wasnt really a choice, i had to make it happen. all my friends said theyd chip in. the vet told me to hold out a few days and hope his medication kicked in.

so i waited. and all i can compare it to is a really awful horror movie. it was probably 48 hours from beginning to end. but it felt like a month. i dont think i ate or slept. i just sat there, helpless. ive never felt so helpless in my life. the sizures just wouldnt stop. it was the most disgusting heart breaking thing i could imagine. and all i could do was watch. and try to make him comfortable. and keep feeding him pills. more and more every day. and they said hed pull through. but he didnt. he had one last seizure wednesday morning and there was no going back. they had to come and get him from my house because it was so......it was a horror movie. he was still alive. but they told me he was more or less done. i could pay zillions of dollars in ICU fees to try to keep him alive, if i wanted to. if i was a sick, selfish, heartless person. and even though the choice was obvious, it was the hardest decision ive ever made.

so now here i am. the end of what was gonna be a busy week at school. i missed every class. i missed two tests and two papers. and somehow i dont care. i know i will later. but right now, i dont. i failed a class, im sure of it. theres not much i can do about that. it wasnt a choice. and i suspect they wont have much sympathy for a kid with a dead dog. its not like a mother or a sister or a child dying. well, not to them anyway. but he was my family. us against the world. he was supposed to be aroundd til long after i was done college . i was supposed to watch him get old and finally grow out of the insane hyper stage. but he never did. he was just a baby. only had one birthday, one christmas.

im just lost. i know a lot of people would think its stupid to get so upset over a pet. but i guess you cant understand that unless youre a weirdo dog parent. im just devstated. i found myself looking in the paper yesterday for puppies. a day after i put mine to sleep. and i felt really terrible for a momnent. insensitive. but i dont know. i dont know what to do. i cant get rid of this sick empty feeling. i come home and theres no one meeting me at the door. no clumsy paws running around. no one whining to go to the bathroom at 2 am. its just quiet. painfully quiet. :(
 
Oh, man, what an ordeal. I'm really sorry you had to go through all of that. I'm sure you're dog really loved you. You sound like you gave him everything a good dog owner could.
My sister in law is a vet and works in a dog oncology clinic. Even she talks about the efficacy of how much one can pay for the elaborate care they can give pets these days.
I know that your dog must have loved you very much.
I know that it may sound heartless to get involved with another puppy right away, but maybe that's just what you ought to do.

Good luck...and sympathy,

David
 
I know how you feel. Anyone who thinks people that love pets are crazy and wasting their time are not human. Pets have helped humanity for thousands of years. You should not feel bad about feeling connected to a non human. You have enough to deal with. Don't prevent this from giving another dog a good home either.

If it helps, you did the right thing for your pet under those circumstances. I wish we could do that more for humans as well. As for school I would go to your advisor or profs right away and briefly tell them what happened and ask for help. Maybe you can get an extension, retake, or withdraw from the course. Rules can be bent.
 
I feel for you I had to have my soppy old dog "Oliver" put to sleep a a couple of years ago and I still feel like bursting into tears each time I remember him and that happens with great regularity usually on a Sunday at about 4:15 in the afternoon as that was the time the vet called.

I was numb with grief for weeks, he was my best friend and stayed loyal to me for fourteen years he never left my side when I was going through difficult times like my depressive episodes and my disclosure, he was always there for me and my heart sinks of remembering that fateful day, but my heart leaps when I think of the good times we had and everytime I go to the biscuit tin.

Oliver would hear that tin being opened at two hundred yards he would arrive from the garden with those two big eyes looking up at me tounge hanging out and his tail going ten to the dozen.

He was a big dog, a GSD cross but he was a dog with a gentle temprement and a heart as big as a lions. You certainly have my sympathy and maybe more importantly my empathy.

Take care my friend, the pain will pass but it my seem like an eternity for it to do so.

Kirk
 
Puppy,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is only a gentle, kind and caring person that can get into a pet the way you took to Barkley, and I am sure you gave him as much joy as he gave you.

But Puppy, when the time comes we have to make hard decisions about pets and realize that putting off the inevitable is just unkind. You did the right thing.

If I were you I would go get another puppy. You are not betraying the memory of Barkley. This will help you to heal and remind you of all the cool and crazy things about the dog you lost. It's important to keep the good memories while reconciling yourself to the loss. When we got Bruno that SO reminded me of a mutt, Whisky, I had in university. So many of Bruno's tricks and habits are the same, and it brought back all the fond memories.

About your classes: As a university professor myself I would urge you to go immediately to your teachers and explain what has happened. Say you have left home for personal reasons and your dog was your companion, and now he has succumbed to a sudden and distressing illness and is gone. Don't wait. You should be able to make up missed work and get make-up dates for exams. If the professor is reluctant, don't hesitate to restate your case and say that you really need his understanding. That should work: If it doesn't, check with your student rep or if you don't have those where you are, the head of your department. Don't be hostile about it - they will just shut down. Present this as a humanitatian case, which it is.

Take care,
Larry
 
So sorry to hear.

I remember taking a psych class in college, and we all took stress test questionnaires. When it came to scoring the tests, Believe it or not, "Death of a beloved pet" falls in the top five, after death of a spouse or child, but far above losing your job or even moving to a new city. I think it was just under getting divorced.


Hang in there.

Jeff
 
Puppy,

I am so inspired by your depth of emotion and dedication. Can you see how rare and beautiful it is for a man in this society to care for another living being as much as you do? Nothing can replace your beloved pet, but you should be proud of the fact that you can be so caring.
 
Puppy - How heartbreaking, really. I know you two were a team. That was a warm, loving image in my head. I'm sorry for your loss and sorry that Barkley had to endure such a difficult end. Maybe in his little puppy head, he was okay. Puppies are like that, seems like they don't feel much other than love.

Larry's advice about talking to your teachers, right away, is good advice. Concentrating on your tests and papers at this time might be difficult. But remembering how Barkley could drive you nuts and at the same time make you happy might get you through. Good luck. Don't wait. Barkley was counting on you to get through your classes so you could afford more expensive toys and I'm sure he'd want you to share them with your new puppy too. I hope you feel better soon - John
 
Definately go talk to your professor about it. If he doesn't seem to care, then talk to someone else, like your major advisor, college advisor, the university student counseling service or other group responsible for student's well-being. Exceptions can be made and in your case I would say you are entitled to one.
 
Puppy
I feel for you, but you've shown great strength. Do you think that you had that strength before you started dealing with your past?

We learn a lot when we deal with our abuse, we gain great strengths.

Dave
 
Dear Puppy:

I am so sorry for the loss of love you are experiencing. Grieving is an important part of healing from loss. I had a wonderful cat that was sick with renal failure and I did spend a lot of money to revive him a couple of times, but I ultimately had to send him to eternal sleep. It was a sad day when I held him in my arms in the vets office for the very last time. I understand.
And much like healing from our abuse we morn the loss of a part of us that was precious. It's hard to look forward sometimes when we are so stuck in the past. Be kind to yourself and if it feels right find yourself a new pup to love. You know how. Sometimes all you need is the air that you breath and to love.
Stephan
 
Puppy - it's not stupid to get upset over loosing a pet. I got my one and only dog when I was 4.5 years old. He was a Beagle/Labrador cross...he was there growling at people if they looked like taking a step towards me.

He as a great dog! Never had another one, because I went away when I was 19 (summer holiday) & he wasn't there when I came back. He had heart failure & my parents did what was kindest for him. Still miss him now....should have got another one then I think!!

Best wishes ...Rik
 
Puppy, I'm so sorry that you lost Barkley. I have three georgeous dogs of my own and I know how devistated I would be if any of them died.

One of our dogs was recently diagnosed with epilepsy but is on medication controlling that. I endorse your hard decision to have Barkley put to sleep when there was no hope for him but only pain. That shows HUGE love on your part. Your love for Barkley was that you put his welfare above you own desire that he be there for you.

I also feel you have every right to want another dog - not to replace him as such but to have a companion that provides such wonderful unconditional love. What's wrong with wanting that? Go for it when you're ready, and I wish you success and favour in requesting re-exams etc.
 
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