heya Paint,
i'm sorry you're feeling so bad. you're not alone, feeling like this. we've all had our dark days where we just can't see a way forwards. i know it doesn't feel like it right now, but things can get better. you just gotta hang in there and get through the bad days any way you can.
you're important and valuable and amazing, and tougher than you think for having made it this far. we're glad that you're here and talking to us. reaching out is a good thing. i hope you can get some comfort from knowing that people here understand, and are on your side, wishing you well.