Riding that there emotional rollercoaster (MAY TRIGGER!)
crisispoint
Registrant
Today I feel frustrated.
I've been in a mood for the past few days, and since I have to deal with other people, I've had to cover up much of it. Damn if it doesn't bother me that I can't be miserable when I want to be!
Thing is, every once in a great while (it's gotten fewer and farther between), I go through the frigging "why me? why is my life so f**ked up? why can't I be a better person/friend/lover/etc?" phase, and it bugs me.
It bugs me because it serves no purpose, and I should be beyond all this now. But I'm not. And I feel worthless and scummy because of it.
All I can think of is me, myself, and I, which I suppose is better than thinking about my friends Johnny, Jack, and Bud. It's still selfish though.
Add to that I just watched a rerun of "Law & Order" which dealt with sex abuse, and this particular episode hit too close to home. At least Chris Noth's character got to face down his abuser. I've realized, really realized, that I probably will never get a chance to do that. Even if I bother to find him, he's probably dead now. If he is, I hope he's in Hell. Fucker.
I'm sorry. I'm just pissed at myself. It'll pass.
Scot
I've been in a mood for the past few days, and since I have to deal with other people, I've had to cover up much of it. Damn if it doesn't bother me that I can't be miserable when I want to be!
Thing is, every once in a great while (it's gotten fewer and farther between), I go through the frigging "why me? why is my life so f**ked up? why can't I be a better person/friend/lover/etc?" phase, and it bugs me.
It bugs me because it serves no purpose, and I should be beyond all this now. But I'm not. And I feel worthless and scummy because of it.
All I can think of is me, myself, and I, which I suppose is better than thinking about my friends Johnny, Jack, and Bud. It's still selfish though.
Add to that I just watched a rerun of "Law & Order" which dealt with sex abuse, and this particular episode hit too close to home. At least Chris Noth's character got to face down his abuser. I've realized, really realized, that I probably will never get a chance to do that. Even if I bother to find him, he's probably dead now. If he is, I hope he's in Hell. Fucker.
I'm sorry. I'm just pissed at myself. It'll pass.
Scot