Trafficking and Commercial Exploitation Riding In A Car
Jack1
Registrant
For as long as I can remember I’ve had dreams of riding in a car. Sometimes in the daytime but mostly at night and I'm just a passenger. That was the entire dream that I frequently remembered my entire adult life.
A few days ago at a meeting of my men’s recovery group it was my turn to talk. We take turns and you can talk about anything you like for about 6 minutes. Someone had mentioned how his childhood involved periods where everyone was walking on eggshells because of his parent’s dysfunctional relationship. During my turn to talk I mentioned that this was very familiar to me as I grew up in a dysfunctional family. Then for some reason I mentioned that a lot of my anxiety came from not knowing when my father would be taking me to spend the evening with some strange man. I just blurted it out without thinking. The men in my group know I was sexually abused and that my father pimped me out to other men but I rarely talk about the details.
This morning I awoke to the dream of being in the car and suddenly the dream made sense and connected to being anxious about being taken somewhere as a kid to be used sexually.
When I had the dream again it was much more detailed. I was sitting in the car looking out the window. Because of my small size I could only look up at a slight angle. I could see the telephone poles and lamp posts as we passed by. I was wondering who I was being taken to see. Would it be a nice one, quick and easy or would it be a rough one, one who didn’t care. I began hoping it would be the man who always said he loved me and was very nice, who said he enjoyed making love to me. Suddenly I was starting to fight back tears. Must not cry. Must not cry.
I could see out the window that the street lights were coming on as we passed. Must not cry. Must..not..cry.
A few days ago at a meeting of my men’s recovery group it was my turn to talk. We take turns and you can talk about anything you like for about 6 minutes. Someone had mentioned how his childhood involved periods where everyone was walking on eggshells because of his parent’s dysfunctional relationship. During my turn to talk I mentioned that this was very familiar to me as I grew up in a dysfunctional family. Then for some reason I mentioned that a lot of my anxiety came from not knowing when my father would be taking me to spend the evening with some strange man. I just blurted it out without thinking. The men in my group know I was sexually abused and that my father pimped me out to other men but I rarely talk about the details.
This morning I awoke to the dream of being in the car and suddenly the dream made sense and connected to being anxious about being taken somewhere as a kid to be used sexually.
When I had the dream again it was much more detailed. I was sitting in the car looking out the window. Because of my small size I could only look up at a slight angle. I could see the telephone poles and lamp posts as we passed by. I was wondering who I was being taken to see. Would it be a nice one, quick and easy or would it be a rough one, one who didn’t care. I began hoping it would be the man who always said he loved me and was very nice, who said he enjoyed making love to me. Suddenly I was starting to fight back tears. Must not cry. Must not cry.
I could see out the window that the street lights were coming on as we passed. Must not cry. Must..not..cry.
