Revelations About Me

[Coming-undone]

Guys, I had a revelation about myself and I'm trying to figure out what to do....

I have come to the realization that I am only successful (in anything) when I think (probably subconciously) that what I do will make me look good to others. Let me give you a few real-life examples of what I am taling about.

1) I am a very good skier...but I hate skiing. I would never go skiing by myself.

2) I graduated with my Master's in Geology with a 4.0 grade point average....but I hate geology, I've never been interested in it, but did great in school.

3) I was vegetarian for 12 years...but I like to eat all kinds of food...I just did it because it was different and that people would be impressed.

I could go on with a number of other examples, but you probably get the idea.

On the flip side, If I want to do something, but there is no one to witness my great accomplishments, I ALWAYS fail. Example...

1) I have chewed tobacco for many years, but I hide it from everyone. I want to quit, but have failed repeatedly.

2) I want to lose about 10 lbs, but no one thinks I'm overweight, so I can't stick with a diet. But in the past, when I was about 30 lbs overweight, dropped it in no time because I had an audience.

3) I want/need to exercize, but when I have time and opportunity I either half-ass a workout or just don't do it at all.

I guess what I'm getting at is that when no one is watching, I'm a lazy slob with absolutely no ambition. If I was single with no kids, I guarantee I would just sit around and watch TV and read and have no career aspirations.

This is really starting to bother me because there are some things that I want (at least I think I want) to achieve/get done and just can't get the motivation to do them.

I'm sure that the needing an audience thing is related to "low self-esteem". I really want to figure out how to get my butt in gear and not need an audience to accomplish even the smallest task.

Any input will be appreciated.

Will

 

[outis]

Will,

Can you be your own audience? Keep a written log of what you're doing, maybe one of those graphs organizations use when they're fundraising. It makes the progress visible and helps to keep the goal in mind.

Can you share your dreams with someone who will cheer you on?

Thanks,

Joe

 

[MikeNY]

There was a book out a few years back. The seven healthy habits (or something like that). It was a big seller for the business world. Many companies incorporated it into training. It teaches you how to do what you are talking about.

 

[Doppelganger1]

Hi Will,
What you wrote really hit home for me, but for a different reason. I am just the opposite! I can do things much better when nobody is watching. When I have an audience, I tend to screw up! It can be something really important, or something as trivial as folding laundry or shooting a basketball. I seem to perform better when I'm not being scrutinized.

Thank you so much for posting what you did, because it really made me think. I would bet your situation and mine are rooted in the same type of cause, even though it manifests itself in a different kind of way.

Jeff

 

[Leosha]

Well, as we are to maybe be our own best friends, we can also be our own audience. But it sounds as you have family? Children? Can they be your audience also? Or this site even. If people know your goals, they will be able to know if you are working toward them, or if you achieve them. I think that part of our self discovery is to find what we are passionate about, what we are fascinated by, and what we are truly interested in. Perhaps you just have not found those things yet. I wish you good luck in your search for yourself.

Leosha