Revelation on drinking...

[survive75]

Hey all... this is something that came up for me over New Year's Eve... it is profound. (Or so my therapist said!)

I would not consider myself an alcoholic, but I definately have alcoholic tendencies. Basically, once I pass a certain point, I can't stop drinking. I have no internal ability to shut myself off once I start. I have been drinking since 7th grade, usually getting very drunk 3 or 4 times a year. So, on New Year's, I got blitzed and don't remember a lot of what I did that night, just like every other time I have passed that point of no return.

So, even though I didn't do anything horribly embarrassing, a couple people told me things the next day that I don't remember doing. And here is the revelation:

Drinking, for me, validates THAT JUST BECAUSE I CAN'T REMEMBER SOMETHING, DOESN'T MEAN THAT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

Sorry for the caps... for me, for all of my self-doubt of the abuse, this was a very powerful discovery.

-Sean

 

[scarman]

Hey man, I understand were you are coming from. I do the same thing with "other things". If it can numb the pain for awhile......I'm ok with it. Just keep it in control. I check this every so often by taking a break from my vice. I'm still very confident that when I stop, I can go on with life and not be affected. Enjoy as needed....

 

[The Dean]

Sean friend--you describe alcoholics well. We are powerless over alcohol--get us started and we get drunk. You perfectly described a "blackout."--if I were writing a book on alcoholism I would ask to use your post as an illustration.

It might be good to go visit an AA meeting and just talk with some of the folks there and ask any questions you want. They won't tell you if you are alcoholic or not--we have to tell ourselves that.

I am not trying to argue with you Sean, but when we can't remember our horrid sexual abuse that is usually not connected to using any chemicals--it appears to be a psychological safety device. A blackout, however, only occurs as a result of heavy drinking. Clinicians often say that a blackout is the diagnostic determiniant of alcoholism.

Take care to keep yourself safe Sean. And YES, the fact of not remembering sex abuse does not mean it did not happy.

Bob