Return to Sender (triggers)

[AlexBoyd]

Like an envelope,
You stuffed me,
You licked me,
You glued me,
You sealed your demons
Inside me.

Someone--anyone--
Take a letter opener,
And slit me open.
Tear into me,
Rip me apart,
Anywhere you can,
Top
Bottom
Sides
Front
Back.
I don't care,
Just get him out.

 

[Greybeard]

so visceral, so intense. man, it made my head swim to read that. almost makes me sick, makes me cry, but only because I understand it so very well.

 

[Iv0_An]

Every word in this poem is painful. I struggle to say which part affected me more than the other. But I think it's this one:

Someone--anyone--
Take a letter opener,
And slit me open.
Tear into me,
Rip me apart,
Anywhere you can,

Because it sounds so familiar to me. Because it feels like all my life I've been trying to do this, to make someone else force out these memories and feelings out of me. But they remain sealed inside. Thank you for sharing this, Alex. It definitely is very emotional poem for me.

 

[Darren White]

I don't care,
Just get him out.

I so get that...
If only that were true. Raw, real poem, and I feel it deep in me.

 

[ODAT]

Alex-Again I’m so sorry you had to go through this as a boy. We did the best we could. I also feel visceral thoughts in a lot of what I write. In fact I’m working on another one now…

 

[GarryDex]

Like an envelope,
You stuffed me,
You licked me,
You glued me,
You sealed your demons
Inside me.

Someone--anyone--
Take a letter opener,
And slit me open.
Tear into me,
Rip me apart,
Anywhere you can,
Top
Bottom
Sides
Front
Back.
I don't care,
Just get him out.

This really speaks to me. I normally have problems with understanding what poetry is attempting to tell or say.

Except for the gender of my assailant these are thoughts I've had.

Every time when she got through sodomizing me I prayed that would be the last, but I knew it wasn't, never was. When the object was removed from me her fingers, brush or other handles, things I don't even want to say. It always felt like there was something left inside. I've tried to describe it to my therapist. I just felt like she left her evil inside of me. I could shower, scrub my ass to the point I felt raw. I was never clean again.

I buried these memories for just over 40 years. I honestly could have waited another hundred I swear sometimes I can feel the ridges of her fingerprints.

 

[LRD]

@AlexBoyd, Very powerful poem! Painful
to endure those feelings. I can feel them.
It was very a creative way to convey them.
Thanks for sharing! LRD

 

[KMCINVA]

Someone--anyone--
Take a letter opener,
And slit me open.
Tear into me,
Rip me apart,
Anywhere you can,
Top
Bottom
Sides
Front
Back.
I don't care,
Just get him out.

AlexBoyd

I can understand your words. I felt your words as I reflected on my abuse and how this many became part, or should I say, my life. He was with me every moment, every day. I could bury him for a time but I now know he was lurking ready to pounce when I was tired, I was weaked and when I was triggered. I wanted him to go away at whatever cost. The last two lines "I don't care, Just get him out" I wanted him gone for so long.

I know the pain and hope you are working through to get him out--because he may be part of your history, he does not have to control you. Your words have been felt and lived by many survivors. I am sorry for your pain. I hope you can release the pain.

Kevin

 

[Sawyer49]

Intense. So glad healing is possible and we can be torn emptied and repaired.

 

[AlexBoyd]

@Greybeard @Iv0_An @Darren White @ODAT @GarryDex @LRD @KMCINVA @Sawyer49
Thank you for commenting on the poem. I value your feedback. It's interesting that two of you both used the word "visceral" to describe it. That's one of those words that can have multiple meanings. From a poetic perspective, I'm glad you were able to relate to my words, but from a purely personal perspective, I'm very sorry you can understand the feelings they convey.