Retraumatized

Retraumatized
W

Wuamei

Registrant
A few days ago my oldest daughter was in an accident very similar to the one I was in recently. It appears she was a bit sore & shaken both physically & emotionally, but nothng worse, thank God.

Still I have been very worried & hurting for her.
I know from experience how accidents that happened years ago that at the time didn't seem very damaging at all can really come back & bite you--bigtime.

Along with this, I have especially since her accident been recently experiencing retraumatization.

Been having trouble sleeping at night more than usual. Night before last I barely slept at all. Spent the night having nightmares or flashbacks not sure if I was asleep or awake. Kept having accidents, and getting sexually abused, over & over & over again. Especially my most recent accident, and the flashbacks of SA by my father that it triggered. Last night thank God was somewhat better.

So now my chronic pain, numbing, nauseau, etc., already worse since the accident, has flared up again. To the point that I've had some migraines again, which hadn't happened in a couple of years.

In particular, I've had a flareup very specifically of the pains, physically & emotionally for that matter, like the ones I had right after the recent car crash.

Since the accident, working on my recovery, both physically & emotionally, had already been rendered much more difficult. These last several days it has been much more so.

It's relatively easy for my mind to say "I need to do my physical therapy exercises or take a walk it'll help me recover. But then my body screams back in pain with different ideas, like "Leave me alone I'm hurting here!"

It's one thing for my body to try to say "OK I need to meditate or do some good reading to help my recovery. Until my mind cries out in agony "Stop it I can't deal with this stuff anymore it's just too painful!"

Ideally I'm a single integrated human being I know. But in this less-than-ideal world I feel like my body & my spirit are arguing & fighting with one another and I'm dis-integrating.

It's easy to say things like "This too will pass." Well, so does gas. And while that might bring me some temporary relief it doesn't really deal with the real problems. Furthermore it stinks!

Too bad I can't just play Marvin the Martian (Looney Tunes) and when I'm being dis-integrated,
just pop into a re-integration booth and zap I'm whole again...

Victor :(
 
Victor,

Those valleys suck bigtime. Especially when they go so deep that even pious platitudes and well meaning cliches have no power to give solace. Your recovery is so firm, so solid, then along comes a trigger situation and BAM, you're blindsided by a wallop that comes from nowhere in particular.

All that comes to mind is to a refrain from my song "Dark Canyon" which is a prayer, and I'll change one word to fit the circumstance:

"Pick me up and set me down easy
Let your vision come to me freely
Show my soul the way to where it might be born once more
Sing a song that hope might find me
I would leave my dreams behind me
For a chance to know the peace that I had known before"

I'll leave you with one platitude:

"God does not give us any more than we can handle"
"For everything, there is a season"
"It is not me, but christ in me who strengthens me"

Well, I guess that's more than one, but who's counting.

Victor, be well. It is hard enough to bear the burden of our own pain, but when we have to share the pain of our children and loved ones, it often seems unbearable. I hope something that I have written gives you a modicum of comfort, as you surely deserve it. Not only that, but we need your strength here [hey god.......are ya listening up there, or wherever you are?]

Ron
 
victor,

i am sorry you are struggling...i hope you get some rest for your body and spirit...take your time...reintegration does happen, just in His time, not ours, so try to be patient and gentle with yourself...

i am glad your daughter is not seriously injured...i keep you both in my prayers.

~ rabbit
 
Ron & Rabbit,

Thank you both for your supportive sharing.

Victor
 
Victor, If I were you I would feel like the football player at the bottom of the pile when the other team is piling on. You have had a lot lately. Thinking about the fact your daughter is safe and not badly injured can maybe give you good thoughts to dream about.

By the way, I ordered the book you suggest Surviving with Serenity. It has not come, but I am certainly looking forward to it.

Keep in touch. Try the things that have helped in the past.

Bob
 
Victor
do whatever it takes to heal, you know where your friends are.

Dave ;)
 
Victor,

I'm glad your daughter wasn't hurt badly.

Nothing much to say to try to help you man, I'd make it better if I could.

jer
 
Victor,

You and your family, especially your daughter, are in my prayers.

Joe
 
Coincidental to your daughter's accident is your leaving the forum as moderator. I have a sneaking suspicion that now that you don't have the onerous responsibility of moderator, your subconscious is allowing you to start working on some of your own issues and pain. And it sounds like you very much need a holiday Victor, or at the very least a long weekend away, or a change of pace. In the mean time, try going to a masseuse and then enjoying a nice bottle of wine with your wife over dinner. It always worked for me! Peace, Andrew
 
Victor,

It is amazing how the flashbacks and nightmares occur in our lives. I know when I am under more stress than usual, that I have more nightmares, flashbacks and can't sleep. I hope that you are talking with your T and getting some rest. You are a strong person and that is one of the reasons I admire and respect you.

Chuck
 
Victor,
You've never fallen from His grace. I'm grateful you're getting better and that your daughter is doing ok. Now, go out and enjoy some Thai food!
Rick
 
Victor,

I'm very glad to hear that your daughter is ok. I'm sorry for all you are currently struggling through.

I'm just kind of talking out my ass here, but maybe almost-andrew may be on to something. Take a couple of days to just recharge and enjoy yourself. Do something you like just for you to rest up. It may seem that you are ignoring you're recovery work (at least it always does to me...) but recovery takes energy and it sounds like you need to recover some of yours...

I wish you all the best. Good luck.

Eric
 
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