Resuming session with my psychiatrist

Complex-DID

Registrant
Ok so I found it hard to relax. Hard to come to terms with when in the past I saw some psychotherapists who had no knowledge about window of tolerance. They kept encouraging me to keep disclosing my trauma history with them. This was so painful. Don’t they know. So distressing and so re-traumatising. Even so telling them, only a serious stern looking face was back to me like I am in a police office being interrogated.

I digress. Well next Friday I will see a past psychiatrist I’ve 9 months been out of therapy. The gap was due to hospitalisation and failed suicide attempts. I never saw him for psychotherapy before which he said he has this option. This looked like a negotiable option for me as for financial purpose I want to combine both meds and therapy with one psychiatrist, despite he’s not really knowledgeable about traumagenic fragmentation.

I want to develop trust and safety with him next Friday. I don’t want to suddenly disclose my ritual abuse history with him and get over the top. I want to go slow with him. Somehow he’s a forensic psychiatrist. Well not sure what he would say to me having that long of time not seeing him. I was indeed out of therapy ever since last year July 2019. I need to get diagnostic report from him for disability funding. And I remember him pleading me to come back to see him when I’m able to again. I’m anticipating how he will present next Friday appointment. I lost contact with him ever since hospitalisation.

Okay so I need help for my healing from this doctor. I’m quite anxious also as I got DID and not sure my presentation whether would result in what with him. He did diagnosed me with CPTSD but just that. It was another psychologist who dx me with DID not connected with him but I guess if I see him overtime he would add this one also possibly. I just don’t like to have dissociative identity disorder. It feels like I have no self. I can’t know what my other parts were doing and they have the qualities that I don’t have which I can’t access everything as a one whole person is very frustrating.
 

Ceremony

Moderator
Staff member
psychotherapists who had no knowledge about window of tolerance. They kept encouraging me to keep disclosing my trauma history with them. This was so painful. Don’t they know. So distressing and so re-traumatising
No Complex, they don't know. They're not trained to be trauma informed sexual abuse therapists.
 

Complex-DID

Registrant
No Complex, they don't know. They're not trained to be trauma informed sexual abuse therapists.
you make sense. But I booked him for financial reasons, as he’s a psychiatrist who can do both meds and psychotherapy. Not all do, as most only do meds. I could have split into a psychologist also. I tried to negotiate between paying more or having a less competent therapist but do have clinical weigh behind him...
 

Sherlock

Registrant
You are strong. Hopefully he is understanding. I think going slow is a great idea and I'm wishing you the best.
 
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