Resolving things from long ago.

Resolving things from long ago.
B

Brad101

Registrant
This seems almost like a poll but I'm curious to know if most of you have been able to bring some resolution to persons in your past that have abused you?

I have an issue from 30 years ago that was never resolved. Meaning that I've told only a few persons but I or my parents never pursued anything to conclusion. Is there any reason for attempting to make something legal out of this?

Brad
 
It is possible to achieve some level of resolution to the abuser. Personally, needed lots of counselling and the opportunity to learn how to be angry and to display the anger. Doesn't come easy and the impacts of the abuse still go on. However, better to work the process than to be a total victum of the past.

B
 
Bringing that confrontation to your perps is one of the most challenging and frightening things out there. Are you ready for the challenge! It's easy to jump into something when were not ready. It's hard to accept that were not ready at times, but, when we are ready, we bring an enterage of courage with us and it is extremely empowering. When that time comes, you'll know. When it does, you'll know what to do. I would recommend looking for books on recovery in your local bookstore. Laura Davis and Mic Hunter are two of my recommendations.

Jason
 
Definitely check out some books on confrontation as its known and speak to a therapist if you can. Its a big issue for you as part of your recovery.

Its really all about you not so much about the abuser. You need to be ready personally and you need to be ready for the ramifications.
 
I have ben looking for my rapest for several years . I think that I know where he is but I have not directly confronted him yet . I am almost afraid of what I might do . have night mares of killing him with my bare hands . have tryed to find out what i can do that is within the law thirty years after the crime . i would sugest that you see if he can be put in jail for his crime
 
Thanks for your replies so far. A little more of the story is that the attacker is deceased. I've also been able to work through a lot of the issues that came from the incident.

But it's still an open chapter in my past that I would like to close. This was a teacher from school who abused me but without him still alive I don't see anything left but to perhaps make sure the school board is made aware of what happened. I've a feeling that talking with a prosecutor would be a waste of time now.

Brad
 
I found out that my (first) perp died back in 94'. I found some closure by visiting his sister. I'm 37 and I was 9 when I was molested by my older brother's friend who was 25 at the time.

It was a really wierd experience, I shared it here on the board, I could link you to it if you care to read it. I got a lot of cool responses to it to.

But to give a brief synopsis of it. I showed up at his sisters house, I asked about her deceaced brother, told her that I knew him when I was 9 years old, and she didn't ask me any questions!! I mean, she was very cordial and polite and showed me pictures of him at my request, but she didn't ask me what a 9yo was doing hanging out with a 25yo man etc. Her silence was very very peculiar.

Anyway, she brought me to his grave and she left, then I had a "conversation" with him.

Maybe you should try to contact his family? I found power in putting myself into a position where I could have destoyed the one good thing that he left on this earth, the respect of his sister, but I pretended that I came for different reasons than to expose him for his past crimes.

You might very well be able to do the same things?

https://www.malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=007186

I hope this might help you.
 
Hadn't thought about his family though I'd expect that things would get very critical should I approach them. He was a teacher and his own children attended the same school that I did. One closest to my age was one grade below.

I'm still not sure where to go with this. I suppose I've waited too long to resolve the problem. It was brushed off by the Principal of the school at the time. There were just a lot of people who ignored it and did nothing about it; myself included. Sigh... where is that time machine?

Brad
 
Well, here is something that you can do:

Register his name in this database, if someone makes a charge against him, the local DA can reference this to help corroborate any charges that have been made against him in the time since he abused you. I regeistered my perp's name in there (before I found out that he died).

https://www.project82.com/
 
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