Release the Fret
I find myself lying face down on the floor
Just wanting the world to fuck off
I might be feeling anger
Im not really sure
If I think about it
I cant understand
If I let it flow
I think im just mad
I don’t feel alright
I don’t feel ok
I’m not even here
Im miles away
And I wont come back
Who the hell would
When all you’ve ever known
Is that you’re no fucking good
I feel like im waiting
I jus don’t know what for
And whether it’ll be worth it
Or if I care anymore
Maybe I should let it all go
Just cut it off and be done
Go back to disconnected
And pretend im having fun
For the sake of others
I could readopt my mask
and wear it forever
until my breath the last
Oh this poem got dark
A touch of drama I see
Lets insert some lightness
Before shit gets too deep
But im torn up inside
Ripping myself apart
Repeatedly smashing
My own fucking heart
And I think I quite like it
It feels like it’s ‘right’
To be shattered into pieces
But never cease this fight
Why do I keep fighting
Why don’t I just quit
What is it that’s kept me
From drowning in Pit
Today I can’t answer
Though perhaps i’ll discern
One day: im not fucking evil
I don’t have to burn
And what keeps me going
Some preservation inside
Will keep fucking fighting
And you? You fucking died.
Good fucking riddance, you nasty piece of shit.
Back to the present
Where I feel anger
Connected and deep
And safe with my self
I’m thinking about something
Though it’s not at all clear
I think it’s like impressed
With my own strength
The poem’s stopped rhyming though
Oops, sorry. Let’s give that another go…
And back to the present
I’m still laying on the floor
I’m breathing so calmly
I know what my anger is for
What I don’t get is
Why I feel so much peace
I don’t feel like lashing out
Or hurting myself
Just peace.
A calm before a storm
Or within it, or after
Or just the reality that
Of my anger, I’m master
I have self control
I need not despair
Ha, no really, I’ve had my fair share.
Where my thoughts are impaired
And my feeling is scared
And my soul is fractured
And my head fares no better
In a place of insanity
And I write poems and fret a
Lot, and comes it to pass
While I sit with a glass
Of wine and a smoke
And I need not for a joke
Because my mind has gone
A wander away
A distance so long
And you ask what im thinking
And I tell you im not
And we come to the conclusion
That it’s not about thinking
It’s about how I feel
For so many years
I cursed at my ill
And yet here I am, fears
Abandoning, working as me
For the rest of my life
After this time has passed
I’ll be free of this shit
And at fucking last
No more in those chains
No more in my bounds
Releasing the pains
Not feeding my hounds
I’ll be free.
Safe.
Happy.
Me.
Fin.
Just wanting the world to fuck off
I might be feeling anger
Im not really sure
If I think about it
I cant understand
If I let it flow
I think im just mad
I don’t feel alright
I don’t feel ok
I’m not even here
Im miles away
And I wont come back
Who the hell would
When all you’ve ever known
Is that you’re no fucking good
I feel like im waiting
I jus don’t know what for
And whether it’ll be worth it
Or if I care anymore
Maybe I should let it all go
Just cut it off and be done
Go back to disconnected
And pretend im having fun
For the sake of others
I could readopt my mask
and wear it forever
until my breath the last
Oh this poem got dark
A touch of drama I see
Lets insert some lightness
Before shit gets too deep
But im torn up inside
Ripping myself apart
Repeatedly smashing
My own fucking heart
And I think I quite like it
It feels like it’s ‘right’
To be shattered into pieces
But never cease this fight
Why do I keep fighting
Why don’t I just quit
What is it that’s kept me
From drowning in Pit
Today I can’t answer
Though perhaps i’ll discern
One day: im not fucking evil
I don’t have to burn
And what keeps me going
Some preservation inside
Will keep fucking fighting
And you? You fucking died.
Good fucking riddance, you nasty piece of shit.
Back to the present
Where I feel anger
Connected and deep
And safe with my self
I’m thinking about something
Though it’s not at all clear
I think it’s like impressed
With my own strength
The poem’s stopped rhyming though
Oops, sorry. Let’s give that another go…
And back to the present
I’m still laying on the floor
I’m breathing so calmly
I know what my anger is for
What I don’t get is
Why I feel so much peace
I don’t feel like lashing out
Or hurting myself
Just peace.
A calm before a storm
Or within it, or after
Or just the reality that
Of my anger, I’m master
I have self control
I need not despair
Ha, no really, I’ve had my fair share.
Where my thoughts are impaired
And my feeling is scared
And my soul is fractured
And my head fares no better
In a place of insanity
And I write poems and fret a
Lot, and comes it to pass
While I sit with a glass
Of wine and a smoke
And I need not for a joke
Because my mind has gone
A wander away
A distance so long
And you ask what im thinking
And I tell you im not
And we come to the conclusion
That it’s not about thinking
It’s about how I feel
For so many years
I cursed at my ill
And yet here I am, fears
Abandoning, working as me
For the rest of my life
After this time has passed
I’ll be free of this shit
And at fucking last
No more in those chains
No more in my bounds
Releasing the pains
Not feeding my hounds
I’ll be free.
Safe.
Happy.
Me.
Fin.
