Recalling CSA
stopthemadness
New Registrant
My boyfriend recently recalled being sexually abused by a pastor of his church when he was 14. He is in his 40's now. We had been butting heads for awhile at the time of the recall. But, we were arguing about things like spending more quality time together and how I saw him neglecting his personal space (home, friendships, etc.). It was me calling him out on those things. All he did was work and I felt like he was just squeezing me into his schedule. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone like that...and things were getting more serious...feelings, etc. I never once doubted his love for me. I just knew I couldn't go further if these things didn't change. It wasn't healthy. SO, he went to see a counselor (without telling me) one day. The next day, he was breaking up with me and telling me he couldn't see me and that he needed to be alone for a while to sort through some things. It took him about a month before he met with me and told me what he remembered. He tells me he still loves me and wants to be with me, but that he is still trying to get through this time. He has gone through so many emotions...fear of being gay and making it a point to tell me he wasn't...he was also going on about how he would never do that to his kids (he has two boys). I believe that he wouldn't abuse his kids and never has and I also believe that he is not gay. I just don't know how to help him...I don't know what to do. He says that he loves me, but that he still needs to be alone for a while. I guess I just don't understand how someone can block that out for so many years and all of the sudden remember in one counseling session. I don't know what to say, or how to feel. I have so many emotions of my own. He wants to talk to me more about it later. He wants me to be patient with him and respect this time that he needs. This is so hard for me. If anyone can share anything with me about this, I would be so grateful. I want to understand what he is going through and what I need to do to support him. He is my best friend and I love him more than anything.
