Realizing new triggers in public

CarbonTiger

Registrant
Ugh, I am just so frustrated and impatient these days.

*I have* to vent this, otherwise i'll think about all day, write something stupid and delete it.

I was out at Target getting 2 things in the middle of the weekend-day. I realize* that it was not a great choice. I now know I shouldnt shop when its busy and maybe need to start ordering online and picking up at store. However, i'm not used to that process. I usually like to pick out my items before I buy them; this was 2 t-shirts.

Anyone, I was getting such high anxiety waiting in line. I was fidgeting and trying to cover that up and be unnoticeable. I couldnt hear the cashier and felt so awkward at the card machine as the guy behind me without a mask threw his stuff on the table being impatient himself. I tried to not let that bother me but I quickly paid and left the store.

Walked out with my things and mask came off outside. Almost in tears and choking up as soon as I got to my car, hardly gasping for air as I raced to it.

I absolutely hate my new normal and during a pandemic. What makes it worse is that I start thinking about how I should be grateful that I have a car, money to spend etc. Always be incredibly hard on yourself because thats how you were raised.

Ahhhhhh, ggrrrrrr, blahhhhh.
I'm angry, annoyed, frustrated and upset with myself. I guess the silver-lining is that I posted this and hope that it'll pass.
 
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Hi CT

I have the same thing happen to me lots when I go to the store, I go as least amount of times possible and drive by to see how many cars are in the parking lot, if there are lots I don't go in I go for a walk and drive by again and hope there is less cars and then I will go in if not I go to a corner store and get what I really need and then try again another day. That doesn't work out all the time, like right now I am getting close to not having anything left in the cupboards and the fridge is bare. I am going to try and go early on the morning on Sunday, the stores are usually empty then.

I have had to leave my cart full of food bot being able to handle the lines for a teller. That seems to be a hard part to get through sorry to hear it effects you as well. Posting about it is a good release, thanks for sharing
 

CarbonTiger

Registrant
Hi CT

I have the same thing happen to me lots when I go to the store, I go as least amount of times possible and drive by to see how many cars are in the parking lot, if there are lots I don't go in I go for a walk and drive by again and hope there is less cars and then I will go in if not I go to a corner store and get what I really need and then try again another day. That doesn't work out all the time, like right now I am getting close to not having anything left in the cupboards and the fridge is bare. I am going to try and go early on the morning on Sunday, the stores are usually empty then.

I have had to leave my cart full of food bot being able to handle the lines for a teller. That seems to be a hard part to get through sorry to hear it effects you as well. Posting about it is a good release, thanks for sharing

Yes, this is a great suggestion. Thank you Esterio. I know this is something I have to learn to accept. Its just tough when its new and I miss how I used to be before all my trauma unearthed.

also, just having a bad couple days.
 
I'm sorry that you had a hard time Carbon Tiger. I recently had my second ever panic attack, with no apparent trigger for it, and I know how overwhelming it can feel, and I felt so much like something was wrong with me. I guess in truth, there is a lot of things wrong with me, so I should be accepting of that idea, but that the panic attack is not something that is my fault or within my control. It sounds like you dealt with your situation as well as possible. Please take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself when these things happen.
 

WG

Registrant
Where I live there are 2 markets that serve a wide population - we're in a kind of rural part of WA state. I've learned the better times to go to the market or run errands. Since most of the people here work for the Navy, they have a pretty set schedule. I know after 9AM they've all arrived at work and won't be out until around noon. There aren't that many to begin with so it's not like a Los Angeles freeway at any given time. We have semi-busy and not busy. Again, this is about 11,000 people in a huge area. We learn as we go.
 
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