reality

reality
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froggy12

Registrant
Reality has been slinging at me all week long.

One of my best friends, a face to face MS guy, is getting ready to get on the next stage out of Dodge City; today at work our deparment was informed that come the spring, our group is being moved to Columbia, SC, without us. Wages are cheaper down there. Nothing personal, mind you. Global ecomomy and all that bull shit.

So how do I deal with this new 'reality?' Not sure. I hear life goes on but I'm not always sure of that. People do move on to new directions especially when it is to their own mental health benefit. Still sucks to lose a friend. But there is the phone and email, supposedly. As to job loss? I have to wait & it can be rough when all I will get from local connections: "Oh, isn't that too bad. What a shame. What will you do?"

Please, I barf easily.

Hopefully my lunacy will get me though it, my sarcasm will get me into trouble, but who gives fuck? Some think I should be like the oldtime eskimos who took a long hike out on the ice when their usefullness was over. They became polar bear snacks. Out of spite I won't.

I used to have a neat job down at "Dial-A-Deviate" - I was in heavy breathing section, but had bronchitis too many times, so got fired.

I could sell my soul to the devil, but heard I had to become a Republican. PA-leeze, I do have some standards.

Tomorrow I will start anew if I get up but I will, my trusty espresso pot calls me daily.

froggy12
 
Right now I am lower than pond scum,

I'm gonna ride my bike then head for New Hampshire because if I sit around here I will feel sorry for myself and I can do that in a car.
Thanks for asking.

froggy
 
You certainly know the feeling of having that hole open up and you yell down, all that is heard is the echo of your own voice. No one answers. Where are they when I need them?
Why am I alone with these assholes milling around like a bunch of cows?

It is the emptyness that is so draining.
I have the answers for everyone but myself.
Like Elenor Rigby or do I want to return to Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds?

Coffee where?
 
Need to douche up, do a few stretches - about an hour.

der frogmeister, m le grenouille douze, froggy in the dell
 
My friends here on the MS,

You may have noted that today was a sucky day for me, in fact it was beyond sucky, I was in a danger zone because I wanted to isolate real bad.

My 'o woe is me' mantra was doing a real number to me. And I liked it. I liked that shitty feeling of being alone, empty, miserable and who gives fuck anyway? I did not want to read or remember what I have written to others because I would have to face my issues which are many. And I did not want to. I wanted to ride this tidal wave of 'leave me alone, get out of my way' until I crashed.

So I wrote all this shit earlier in the day, then went back to bed. And wouldn't you know, someone would have to address the issue. It was my friend Bubba and he asked if I wanted to come over for coffee so I did. We talked, we listened to music, ate, had more coffee and drove and drove into the dark nights of our souls wondering what next?

To have a face to face friend in MS is a luxury few of us have and soon it will end for me since Bubba is joining the Pony Express and headin' West and he is going there to find the healing waters he needs so badly. And they are there. He is not running, there is an oasis in the West for dealing with and healing his PTSD night-mares. He has hope, a bit fragile, but it is there and it will grow stronger.

I still feel a little shitty, but the load is not as heavy as this morning. This MS site is indeed a place of liberation. We can say how and what we feel with no fear. For me this is indeed a Christmas gift.

I consider it an honor to have a friend like Bubba, we have helped each others so many times in so many ways. I will miss his company.

froggy12
 
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