Ready to give up

Ready to give up
R

Rob

Registrant
I don't know where to turn.I was abused from the ages of 11-16yrs on a weekly basis by a friend of the family,when I was 16 I tried to do the same thing once to someone.It has been almost 20 years of pure hell and I can't take it anymore,I am ready to give up.Everyone is turning their backs on me thinking I am some kind of freak.Whats next?I told my wife about it and she supports me,but how long can I hold on,I am ready to give up on everything.I regret what I did every day of my life and can't understand why I did it,I know I can't go on like this forever.Instead of getting easier it seems like it is just getting harder to keep going,some days I am so afraid.Don't mean to depress anyone....sorry
 
hi Rob,
You are not alone. Rather than finding what you are saying depressing, I feel like I'm not alone. It sounds like you're ready to do some work. You are blessed with a supportive wife. What have you tried in terms of looking for help? It sounds like you paid your dues and you've re-victimized yourself by perping. You continue to do so by beating yourself up. Can you forgive yourself? Are you ready to let go of the pain of self hatred? Have you tried therapy? what part of the country are you from. Let the people here know and I suspect you'll get some resources. At 16 you did not have the coping skills of an adult, especially if you're experience started at 11. Just look at any 11y.o. and you can see their vulnerability. I must continue to remind myself of my own vulnerability at that age.
-------------BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF
-------------hope to hear from you again
------------------------------------ RJD
 
Hi Rob,

I dont think i can add much to what RJD had to say, there is no need to give up, just take it one day at a time and keep working on it, the more you talk the better it will get in the long run.

This is a good place, just keep talking, ok? You can get past it, you can forgive yourself and get past the self hate, it just takes some talking and some time, hang in there ok?

John
 
Thanks for replying,it is good to hear from someone who understands what I am going through.Although my wife is supportive she dosen't really understand sometimes.It is good to know that I am not alone,although sometimes I feel that way.Today I am feeling better,it seems talking about it rather than keeping it to myself helps a great deal.I was having a really bad week and I felt the need to let somebody know about my experience.Maybe counseling is the answer although I am kind of afraid of it.Thanks again for replying it really helped alot.
 
Rob, take it from somebody who was very close to saying to hell with life. RJD, and and SoCalJohn are right. talk, talk, maybe till your blue in the face. It does help. PLEASE don't wait like me, a subborn Yankee,I come from MA, for 51 years, b4 I started to get help. It is hard for me to accept, but WE ARE NOT ALONE. I do hope life does get better. Michael aka bos
 
Rob - hang in there - your story, if I may say so, sounds so like mine, in that a friend of the family abused me and one of my brothers on a weekly basis - me during a piano lesson, and him during organ lessons.

My brother and I did not know what was happening really, and we used to comfort each other, I suppose, by re-enacting what was being done to us, although neither of us knew at the time what was truly happening to the other.

I am finding that counselling is helping me, also talking it through with my wife, who is incredibly understanding. She keeps telling me that I was ONLY A CHILD, and unable to cope with an adult doing this to me.

I hope that you continue to visit this page, and keep on expressing your thoughts thru this great site.

Mark567
 
Rob,

Keep talking. We will continue to listen.

I was abused by the son of friends of my parents from the age of 10 until I was 16. My parents thought that I was his friend and my mom would often encourage me to spend time with him. My father is an alcohloic and I have not told either of my parents what happened.

The fact that you are posting here is great. It is hard for me to allow myself sometimes to accept support from people but I work hard at trying to get past this aspect of my personality.

Some days are really hard but some are mot so bad. I think that you will find that as you share this burden that you are carrying around, the good days will happen more often. IT is so much easier to deal with these feelings when I don't have to deal with them alone.

Peace to you,

Jim :cool:
 
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