Reaching out
Hauser
Registrant
I.................broke silence with my Uncle and would like to share it with you guys who are familiar with me. I share this to show that it's ok to trust someone sometimes. The following is a copy of an email (from me) and the reply (from my Uncle Dave):
Dave, do you remember, about 10 years ago, when you offered to help me by having me take some psychological/learning/aptitude tests? Do you remember that I declined to accept your offer? It was because I knew that they would be asking me things that I didn't want to remember and have been trying to forget.
A week ago, I decided to do the very same thing that you were encouraging me to do at the behest of my parents. I felt honor-bound to do it, (since they helped me when I couldn't work), although not necessarily under duress either. I took a battery of learning tests and questionnaires. In about 1 or 2 weeks the results are going to come in. It's my decision as to whether or not I want the information shared with my parents or anyone else.
I already know what their findings will be, and my parents are not going to like what they hear if I choose to share the info. (Mom asked me if she could be there). They're going to refer me to someone who specializes in childhood sexual abuse recovery. Yes, that's what I said. I've been trying to deal with it all these years and have nothing to show for it. It's probably affected me in more ways than I ever acknowledged to myself. It was the reason I was so angry as growing child, many other manifestations as well.
I'm telling you because not only are you one of the few people that genuinely cares about me, and have tried to help me in the past, but that your Brother, my Father is going to go through quite a bit of emotional turmoil soon.
I feel like i'm dragging you into a quagmire of emotional problems, but I hope that I'm only letting you know why I've been the kind of person you've always known me to be and why I've been such an underachiever in life, among other things. You tried to help me in the past and I will never forget that. The reason I didn't want to be helped is because I didn't think that I COULD be helped. I have recently joined a support group and they have all told me that things will not get better unless I deal with it. They have all, in one way or another, followed the same path as me. Trying to forget, poor self image, misdirected anger, under achievement, rare, if any intimate relationships, etc.
I wish I told my Dad when I was 9 yrs old and dealt with it then.
I've stared at the "send" button for about 15 minutes now..............this is hard for me to do.
and the reply:
Dear Alan,
That must have been terribly difficult to write, and I am honored that you trusted me (and loved me?) enough to write it.
I have been thinking for some time of asking you to come over and visit and have lunch with me but did not want to put a burden on you. Why don't you come over now, before you receive the results and before you have to talk to your parents?
Most people know a lot more about us than we think they know. The world often runs on the things that we know but do not mention. Both of us, I suspect, finding it difficult to love (and difficult to recognize love), don't even begin to grasp how much others are ready to forgive, overlook, forget, wipe out and have already forgiven, overlooked, forgotten, wiped out, because their love renders them unimportant.
Please give me a call. If I don't hear from you in the next couple of days, I'll give you a call.
Love, David
I'm reaching out for help...........I hope this the one good decision in my life that I've made in a long time.
Dave, do you remember, about 10 years ago, when you offered to help me by having me take some psychological/learning/aptitude tests? Do you remember that I declined to accept your offer? It was because I knew that they would be asking me things that I didn't want to remember and have been trying to forget.
A week ago, I decided to do the very same thing that you were encouraging me to do at the behest of my parents. I felt honor-bound to do it, (since they helped me when I couldn't work), although not necessarily under duress either. I took a battery of learning tests and questionnaires. In about 1 or 2 weeks the results are going to come in. It's my decision as to whether or not I want the information shared with my parents or anyone else.
I already know what their findings will be, and my parents are not going to like what they hear if I choose to share the info. (Mom asked me if she could be there). They're going to refer me to someone who specializes in childhood sexual abuse recovery. Yes, that's what I said. I've been trying to deal with it all these years and have nothing to show for it. It's probably affected me in more ways than I ever acknowledged to myself. It was the reason I was so angry as growing child, many other manifestations as well.
I'm telling you because not only are you one of the few people that genuinely cares about me, and have tried to help me in the past, but that your Brother, my Father is going to go through quite a bit of emotional turmoil soon.
I feel like i'm dragging you into a quagmire of emotional problems, but I hope that I'm only letting you know why I've been the kind of person you've always known me to be and why I've been such an underachiever in life, among other things. You tried to help me in the past and I will never forget that. The reason I didn't want to be helped is because I didn't think that I COULD be helped. I have recently joined a support group and they have all told me that things will not get better unless I deal with it. They have all, in one way or another, followed the same path as me. Trying to forget, poor self image, misdirected anger, under achievement, rare, if any intimate relationships, etc.
I wish I told my Dad when I was 9 yrs old and dealt with it then.
I've stared at the "send" button for about 15 minutes now..............this is hard for me to do.
and the reply:
Dear Alan,
That must have been terribly difficult to write, and I am honored that you trusted me (and loved me?) enough to write it.
I have been thinking for some time of asking you to come over and visit and have lunch with me but did not want to put a burden on you. Why don't you come over now, before you receive the results and before you have to talk to your parents?
Most people know a lot more about us than we think they know. The world often runs on the things that we know but do not mention. Both of us, I suspect, finding it difficult to love (and difficult to recognize love), don't even begin to grasp how much others are ready to forgive, overlook, forget, wipe out and have already forgiven, overlooked, forgotten, wiped out, because their love renders them unimportant.
Please give me a call. If I don't hear from you in the next couple of days, I'll give you a call.
Love, David
I'm reaching out for help...........I hope this the one good decision in my life that I've made in a long time.
Thank you Alan 
