I'm just wondering, if sometimes, anyone ever experiences this as well. Sometimes, when I become aroused by a women, I feel actual pain in my body. I feel, sometimes, as though my body is betraying me again, and that I have lost control.

As well, it just occurred to me now, that it's almost as though I'm going through re-victimization every time my body becomes aroused. It can be agonizing.

What's even more agonizing is not being able to become aroused when I'm with someone I'm actually attracted to. I just shut down. I've often just avoided sex all together, but for the sake of my mental and physical health, I don't think I can cope that way, anymore.

Just wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar.


I understand what you're saying. I wish I could help you, I just don't think I can right now.

With me, since most of my SA/CSA was oral, my abdominal muscles go into spasms. Always scares the hell out of GFs and my ex-wife. Well, I DID tell them I don't care for BJs for a reason.....


I seem to understand myself as "shutting down" when it comes to a person I really care about = someone I'm really attracted to. How could I possibly have sex with this person when I care so much about them?

To me sex = pain and abuse.

Really caring about someone meant I would never cause them pain or abuse them.

For me, the hard part was seperating the two of them. Sex is not abusive and abuse does not = sex.

Just my thought's

Stay strong
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New Registrant
I haven't experienced any physical pain. But when a girl tries to flirt with me or when I am physically and/or mentally aroused I get flashbacks of my mother touching me or exposing herself to me. I wish I could just erase those memories and have happy ones.
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My biggest fear is being re-victimzed. By ANY of the perps.

But you gotta be careful. I wasn't, and in defending myself I nearly got time in prison.

Get raped, and cops laugh at you. Defend yourself from getting raped, and they put you in prison.

Somethings baffle even I.