Rare video talking about the female sexual abuser
Rare video talking about the female sexual abuser
- Thread starterGeorge
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dark empathy
Registrant
I'd like to get in touch with this lady and share my story, since she seems extremely sensible, I'd also be interested to know if she ever found instances of girls committing gang rape on a boy as happened to me.
Really good that someone posted this sort of thing on a platform as public as youtube.
Really good that someone posted this sort of thing on a platform as public as youtube.
Chris4TheMill
Registrant
God bless this woman for speaking the truth. She is brave.
The reality is, women can be cruel monsters, just like men can.
Even more monstrous is the culture's constant vilification of men and the collective refusal to accept or admit that female abusers are a big, hidden problem that hardly anyone talks about.
The reality is, women can be cruel monsters, just like men can.
Even more monstrous is the culture's constant vilification of men and the collective refusal to accept or admit that female abusers are a big, hidden problem that hardly anyone talks about.
focusedbody
Registrant
George:
Thank you for suggesting this.
What I think is telling is that for women sexual abusers there is the idea that sex with children is "non-threatening" as she states.
If you were to think about that in terms of men it would be more difficult, although perhaps true as well in some sense.
But for women and the idea of power, there seems to be an almost understood and accepted need to have sex be non-threatening. This is where the debate and discussion become difficult, I think.
In truth, sex needs to be non-threatening for everyone. It needs to be safe and loving. Unfortunately, when it turns into something else there are problems. Perhaps it is these problems that get magnified for women who are abusing. Perhaps they have gotten lost and confused in this very issue, out of their own hopelessness.
I hope this does not sound too difficult for others to grasp. For me, having compassion is a way of understanding better, even in the midst of the path to something healthier.
FB
Thank you for suggesting this.
What I think is telling is that for women sexual abusers there is the idea that sex with children is "non-threatening" as she states.
If you were to think about that in terms of men it would be more difficult, although perhaps true as well in some sense.
But for women and the idea of power, there seems to be an almost understood and accepted need to have sex be non-threatening. This is where the debate and discussion become difficult, I think.
In truth, sex needs to be non-threatening for everyone. It needs to be safe and loving. Unfortunately, when it turns into something else there are problems. Perhaps it is these problems that get magnified for women who are abusing. Perhaps they have gotten lost and confused in this very issue, out of their own hopelessness.
I hope this does not sound too difficult for others to grasp. For me, having compassion is a way of understanding better, even in the midst of the path to something healthier.
FB
FB,
Yeah, selfishness & a power trip is the drive behind pretty much all rapes & CSA, no matter who or what the perp is. What ever minor differences there may be between male abusers and female abusers there might be, the end result (another hurting victim) is the same.
I posted it in hopes that it would help others get some much needed validation. There's so little out there on the subject of female abusers like this.
Chrisforthemill,
Yeah, she is very brave.
"The reality is, women can be cruel monsters, just like men can."
Without a doubt, some even worse than men.
George
Yeah, selfishness & a power trip is the drive behind pretty much all rapes & CSA, no matter who or what the perp is. What ever minor differences there may be between male abusers and female abusers there might be, the end result (another hurting victim) is the same.
I posted it in hopes that it would help others get some much needed validation. There's so little out there on the subject of female abusers like this.
Chrisforthemill,
Yeah, she is very brave.
"The reality is, women can be cruel monsters, just like men can."
Without a doubt, some even worse than men.
George
Chris4TheMill
Registrant
George,
Yes, some can be worse than men. In my case, my women abusers were worse than the men because they were far more vicious, as in physically, emotionally, financially, and other ways. The men (i.e. the sexual abusers, as opposed to any bullies) were manipulative but never physically battered me like two of the women did, or tried to kill me like one of them did. So unfortunately I know all too well what women can be capable of.
To FB's point, I have been able to find some compassion and understanding and forgiveness for at least some of them. Long story there. But the shame core that their actions developed within my young self is still there and I need to work it out somehow.
I am reading the book "Shame Interrupted" by Ed Welch, among others. I don't want to dwell on the abuse but nor do I want to pretend that all is o.k., as my family and our culture would like for me to do. I am glad that there are at least a few professional psychologists out there like this lady who are not afraid to talk about this elephant in the room.
I hope more will follow her lead at some point. Thanks for sharing the video,
Chris
Yes, some can be worse than men. In my case, my women abusers were worse than the men because they were far more vicious, as in physically, emotionally, financially, and other ways. The men (i.e. the sexual abusers, as opposed to any bullies) were manipulative but never physically battered me like two of the women did, or tried to kill me like one of them did. So unfortunately I know all too well what women can be capable of.
To FB's point, I have been able to find some compassion and understanding and forgiveness for at least some of them. Long story there. But the shame core that their actions developed within my young self is still there and I need to work it out somehow.
I am reading the book "Shame Interrupted" by Ed Welch, among others. I don't want to dwell on the abuse but nor do I want to pretend that all is o.k., as my family and our culture would like for me to do. I am glad that there are at least a few professional psychologists out there like this lady who are not afraid to talk about this elephant in the room.
I hope more will follow her lead at some point. Thanks for sharing the video,
Chris
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dark empathy
Registrant
I'd be interested to know if she's ever run across someone in a situation like mine, where girls basically perform gang rape on a teenaged boy with no insinuation or false attributions of feelings, it was physical, vicious and pretty much just a public humiliation.
As to shame and forgiveness, forgiveness just doesn't make sense to me. As I've said elsewhere on the forum, you cannot forgive an earthquake, and that is what my abuse was, just a pointless random event. If I confrtoned any one of those girls now, if they even remembered I'd get the response "it was only a joke" or it wasn't that bad"
the frightening thing was that the culture of female protection was very much part of my abuse. I! was the one made to feel an abuser, was shamed if I hit out or protected myself physically, I was constantly told "oh you don't understand what it's like to be a girl", and how I was being "a selfish boy", indeed there was a major culture of self obsession about my abusers.
that is one reason I'd like to contact this lady if I could, since I love what she is saying, but I would like to get my story a little more known about.
What I do rregret is the fact that had I been female, even if the abuse had happened (and even in that shithole school there was still a good amount of female protection, no hitting girls, no touching girls etc), but even if I were female and it had! happened, I'd have more chance of being able to recognize it.
Hell, public sexual humiliation of a boy by girls is a joke, what if a bunch of boys did the same thing to a girl in public?
And even if it had! happened, well we are in a culture where girls are educated to be wary of sexual assaults, yet another weapon my own abusers used to justify what they did, eg, grabbing my hand and forcing it onto their body then saying "oooh! you dirty beast, you touched me!"
It's odd, I had a lot of casual violence from boys, but nothing sexual, all of that was done by girls.
either way, this is the sort of thing that needs to stop and which culture needs to recognize.
As to shame and forgiveness, forgiveness just doesn't make sense to me. As I've said elsewhere on the forum, you cannot forgive an earthquake, and that is what my abuse was, just a pointless random event. If I confrtoned any one of those girls now, if they even remembered I'd get the response "it was only a joke" or it wasn't that bad"
the frightening thing was that the culture of female protection was very much part of my abuse. I! was the one made to feel an abuser, was shamed if I hit out or protected myself physically, I was constantly told "oh you don't understand what it's like to be a girl", and how I was being "a selfish boy", indeed there was a major culture of self obsession about my abusers.
that is one reason I'd like to contact this lady if I could, since I love what she is saying, but I would like to get my story a little more known about.
What I do rregret is the fact that had I been female, even if the abuse had happened (and even in that shithole school there was still a good amount of female protection, no hitting girls, no touching girls etc), but even if I were female and it had! happened, I'd have more chance of being able to recognize it.
Hell, public sexual humiliation of a boy by girls is a joke, what if a bunch of boys did the same thing to a girl in public?
And even if it had! happened, well we are in a culture where girls are educated to be wary of sexual assaults, yet another weapon my own abusers used to justify what they did, eg, grabbing my hand and forcing it onto their body then saying "oooh! you dirty beast, you touched me!"
It's odd, I had a lot of casual violence from boys, but nothing sexual, all of that was done by girls.
either way, this is the sort of thing that needs to stop and which culture needs to recognize.
Chris4TheMill
Registrant
dark empathy,
I am so sorry that this happened to you. I totally get what you are saying about the culture of protection for female assaulters and their dismissive, unrepentant attitude based on their alleged lack of privilege. I can't imagine what you went through. I perhaps got a tiny glimpse, maybe...at age 5, I was physically attacked by a group of vicious girls on the playground. They broke my favorite toy and physically assaulted and humiliated me. I was a sweet, gentle kid and had never experienced anything that violent up until then. My world was shattered after that. No one helped me and no one was ever held accountable - which I realized, years later, hurt even more than the assault. But at age 5 when I tried in my immature way to "pay them back" in some very small way (stabbing one of their toys with a pencil - pathetic, I know), I became the criminal at that point. The whole experience changed my life trajectory in a lot of ways, not for the good.
Well the video psychologist's name is Michele Elliott and she is in East Sussex. It looks like she can be contacted through LinkedIn, or perhaps through her organization, Kidscape. Their web address is Kidscape.org.uk. They have a contact link that maybe you could write to and ask them how to get in touch with her.
If you do manage to get in touch with her, please let us know how it goes.
Sincerely,
Chris
I am so sorry that this happened to you. I totally get what you are saying about the culture of protection for female assaulters and their dismissive, unrepentant attitude based on their alleged lack of privilege. I can't imagine what you went through. I perhaps got a tiny glimpse, maybe...at age 5, I was physically attacked by a group of vicious girls on the playground. They broke my favorite toy and physically assaulted and humiliated me. I was a sweet, gentle kid and had never experienced anything that violent up until then. My world was shattered after that. No one helped me and no one was ever held accountable - which I realized, years later, hurt even more than the assault. But at age 5 when I tried in my immature way to "pay them back" in some very small way (stabbing one of their toys with a pencil - pathetic, I know), I became the criminal at that point. The whole experience changed my life trajectory in a lot of ways, not for the good.
Well the video psychologist's name is Michele Elliott and she is in East Sussex. It looks like she can be contacted through LinkedIn, or perhaps through her organization, Kidscape. Their web address is Kidscape.org.uk. They have a contact link that maybe you could write to and ask them how to get in touch with her.
If you do manage to get in touch with her, please let us know how it goes.
Sincerely,
Chris
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