'R" word

'R" word
L

Leosha

Registrant
I do not know what it is about the words, the words we use to explain or define what it is that is done at us. They all seem as such ugly words, such stupid ugly words, and I can not seem to use those words right. I can not even ask it right of someone else to use those words, not even to say of what is done at me, but for someone more. I actually type that word, that 'r' word, twice while I talk at someone yesterday, and it scares me. I see this word, this little thing, but it is in the writing, and it looks so horrible, it looks like it is so strong and powerful at me. I try to use that word and it looks so wrong, that I can not have that thing done at me, that is not what it is. But that is what it is, and I can not say it, and that make it seem more big, and more above me and out of the reach where I can fix it or understand it or not mind it. It is just a word, is that right? I think it it is right that it is four-letter word, it is dirty and vulgar just like those others are to me. Why do I let it have this power to make me fear? It is just a word!
 
Leosha:

Words are so powerful, becuz they are the symbols we use to describe life, our lives, what has happened to us. Seeing the words, writing them, saying them, does give more power to them.

But that goes for all of the words we use, whether
"good" or "bad".

Furthermore, using the words gives more power to us, too, tho it is hard especially at first. As you know, Leosha, there is power in naming and
"Defining Your Sexual Abuse" (remember that thread?)

Also there is power in using the words to break the silence.

Victor
 
Leosha, that "R" word is one we all hate to use. For me, I hate it because, I think that as soon as I use it, the men who hear it start thinking about what it means and I feel, I am sure it is not true, but I feel, that they think less of me because it happened to me. So, it is not odd to not want to use that word.

Remember "R" is all about the abuse of power. BUT for us, it was all about feeling humiliated, embarassed, abused, made to "feel like a girl", i.e. feel that we are less manly because it happened to us, and it was usually physically painful, at least until it had happened so often that it hurt much less.

But the truth is Leosha, that some very big and powerful men have at times come out and told that they too had been a victim of "R"--it in no ways makes us less than, rather, it makes us more than, more powerful and stronger than those who never could have lived if it had happened to them.

It is all a matter of attitude I guess. But I admit, that when I say that about myself, I feel myself blush a little and even feel like I wish I could take the word back sometimes.

Bob
 
Leosha,

It has taken me some time to reply. I remember when I stopped kidding myself last summer. I wrote down what I knew had happened to me. And I wrote down that word.

I still remember writing it the first time. I remember trying to say it a few days later. It is a scary word, because it is the name of a terrible evil.

Once I wrote it, I started on the road to getting better. It is an ugly word, but some things that are ugly need names.

Joe
 
I say it now, he raped me, he does that many times. He does not own it of me. He will not win this of me.
 
Leosha what a leap you have made. And by making it you lay the blame where it belongs; with him. Good for you my brother
 
Leosha
tell it like it is - the truth wont hurt YOU.

Dave
 
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