Quotes from John's book

[Koveri]

I'm refering to the book "Whatever it Takes, God", by John Oarc. THis is not meant to be a commercial, but I'm not ashamed to say that the book was helpful and especially thought-provoking.

I'll probably finish reading the book tonight, but wanted to post a couple of things while they are fresh in my mind. I'm hoping that John will Elucidate either here (or in a PM if that seems more appropriate). I don't want the discussion to go off topic.

First a couple of quotes that resonated with me.

Pg. 103 "I never really thought I'd change the way I thought about God because I felt as if I was betraying him and the truth if I changed my earliest beliefs about him."

I must admit that this whole God thing leaves me intrigued and perplexed. All the stuff in my childhood actually made me more religious at the time; vainly looking for solace and understanding.

Pg. 125 "We are not equipped to fight this thing because we are not trained and we lack the ability to fight something that we can't touch."

That has always been the most frustrating thing. Any attempt to fight back only hurts myself, not heal myself.

pg 159 "Understanding what [the T] said did not matter; feeling it and believing it in my soul, like believing the couch was soft and would not collapse, is real and that is the feeling that would be needed. A feeling of trusting that rationalized thought or simply feeling that it would not leave is what is needed for a person to fully feel recovery. Simply understanding the statements did not do justice to the pain. Wanting to stand on it and trust that it would not collapse a couple of months down the road was essential."

A truer word was never said.

Pg 126 "[These child abuse memories] hide and wait for the right moment, and the best ones start in the morning when you open your eyes. These memories take the wind out of your sails before you get the boat in the water, and the battle is over; your day is shot."

The only thing inaccurate about this is that it actually comes BEFORE you open your eyes.

Now a couple of things that leave me puzzled I hope I'm not offending anyone bringing this up. I just figure it is a part of most people's life and must have some bearing on them.

pg156 "When you believe that God is in control and the loss of material or earthly possessions is not the end of the world then you are truly free."

This sounds a bit like Buddhism. Certainly you don't mean the only way we can be free from CSA (or other) trauma is for us to all be hermits on some mountainside. The term "God is in control" doesn't connect. Control of what? An omnipotent god is by default in control of everything, isn't she/he?

pg 161 "What would you have to let go of to follow him [Jesus]? When you have answered that question and freely give it up then you will experience true freedom on this earth."

Another etherial phrase, 'follow him'. Do you mean follow his teachings? his example?

Maybe I'm just ignorant and everyone else knows what is being talked about here. Actually, I liked the fact that the book was NOT preachy at all. It was just an honest look into a survivor's heart and I found a lot of myself there. It also seemed that his religious experience was significant, and that's why I'm probing a bit. If it is too far off topic, forget it. I'm not trying to stir up trouble here.

Koveri

 

[froggy12]

Koveri,
'God is in control' also comes in AA stuff/"Our Father"/Christian tradition, especially Catholic, but they don't have the copyright.
We have free will. We make the decision what to do in our daily living but we ask whatever diety we believe in to enlighten our minds, show the way, so we can make the correct decision.

The loss of earthly/material possessions is biblical. Job. But also in Christian tradition all material things are really unimportant to us if we are truly free. Nice theory, but a little $$ in the wallet, and a nice place to live doesn't hurt. But 'christians' have killed each other over interpretation. So simplicity is the freedom from distraction of the unnecessary. As in our recovery, if we learn to simplify, start with the small stuff with a therapist, we learn to strip away the shit we bury ourselves in. I played a song for a friend today as we drove around in New Hampshire: It was in Latin, but all it said was a cry from the heart: "From the depths I cry unto you O lord, please help me." And the help/answer isn't always obvious, but there will be an answer. Don't look for it, it will show up. We went to a Shaker Village on top of a hill and it was COLD & Windy. Our visit was brief, but no traffic and the leaf peepers have all gone home to Texas or there abouts.

Froggy12 still wondering and wandering

 

[John Oarc]

Just a little background so it will help a bit.


I had this idea that things; power, wealth... would help me feel better about myself and it became real, the more I got the better I felt for a while. I was trying to look as if I had not been the little molested boy, I thought I could not achieve anything and tried to disprove this with all my might but in the background it kept me thinking that it was never enough, I was still the dirty little boy.

The years of therapy and the soul searching led me into the "light" regarding the fear of losing everything. I constantly held onto my things, my wife "she proved to everyone that I was straight and normal" married with children... The money and things proved that I was successful but this was all a hoax a pseudo life that I lived.

When I finally became free, went into the molestation with a T and went through the stages, anger, grief, denial, and so on I soon realized that I was okay with just me, the real me and I no longer needed the stuff to make me appear to be okay thus the passage from the book;

"When you believe that God is in control and the loss of material or earthly possessions is not the end of the world then you are truly free."

I am not my possessions, not my social status or appearance. I am not a molested little boy, I am simply me and that is a good thing.

I hope this helps, thanks for reading the book and I am very happy that it helped in some way and thanks for the kind words.

On a very happy note, the book is on menstuff magazine book of the week, this week.

Take care everyone, and happy thanksgiving.