Quiet and sad

[Caetel]

I have been like this all week. Because of all the horrible things that have happened to me in the last few months I tend to keep more and more quiet. I have less and less so called friends and when I contact my true friends it's like I am not interested in them. I miss my love and I am sad because I miss him every day. I do all the things I need to do (classes at university, work at the photo shop..) but I carry this overwhelming sadness inside.
On top of that, every year I have the St Valentine syndrome of depression. I feel really lonely then. It's the same at Christmas, I hate that time. I can't wait for St Valentine's to be over. I am planning to lock myself in as early as possible so I can avoid the hundreds of couples kissing on the streets, in the metro...
I am really quiet these days and I am starting to wonder if being so quiet is normal. I live in a 12 meter square appartment and though it's a rat hole, I am fine spending the day there reading and doing nothing much. If I can't get over my bf, where does that leave me ? I am not able to love often (I only loved truly one guy before V and I am 34 now).
Anyway, sorry to bug you tonight but this is the only place where I can get support and understanding, the only place where I can actually write this.

 

[SAR]

Caetel

From reading your post I feel like you know the answer already--

I am really quiet these days and I am starting to wonder if being so quiet is normal.

It sounds like you know this is not normal for you, or at least, it's not what you want for yourself.

It takes courage and trust in yourself, but you know it's time to reach out and make the changes you want.

Take the little steps that you know are vital to feeling good each day. Get out of the apartment, if you're going to read all day fine but do it in the library or the park, just get some air and exercise. Talk to people, if your friends make you unhappy you can make new friends. No one is too old to make new friends. And if you can see and feel yourself getting very depressed and withdrawn, please talk to a professional before it gets out of control.