quick story times

[valence]

i've been thinking about wearing a mask, or a head covering, full time. i have a couple reasons, the biggest being i just want to hide behind something because i feel really exposed and vulnerable right now. once upon a time, people took pictures of me that i was NOT comfortable with, and as i got older sometimes i would let guys i hooked up with record us having sex. not that anyone has ever told me about posting any of these pics/videos online, and i'm not really worried about being recognized per se, i'm just tired of wearing my face like a mask.
i figured wearing an actual mask might help me feel more secure. i don't know. i feel really bad right now and i'm kind of drunk but i've been shopping for masks online. i'm not sure how anyone i know is going to react to me, a notoriously vain guy, suddenly wanting to cover up everything, including my face. i know body shame is a side effect of abuse, but i just feel so uncomfortable in my own skin at the moment, and i wanna do something to make it feel better.
i guess that's it. share thoughts below please, i use this group for feedback on ideas i don't wanna share with the shiny, happy people.

 

[Duckie]

deleted

 

[traveler]

Hi,Valence

I used to do a lot of acting - as in theatre. I was better at being someone else than at being me. I did better when I had a script to follow on stage instead of having to make it up as I went along in real life.

the desire to hide or disguise ourselves is a very natural one when you have been shamed or embarrassed or feel (false) guilt for something. it can take many forms.

some put on a false persona when they are in public. in an earlier discussion on MS, we discovered that a large percentage of us wear facial hair - maybe another form of cover-up. like iaccus, I usually wear a hat and shades when I am outside. I also think of my clothes as a costume and I dress to portray whatever image I want to convey for a particular day or occasion.

so - I understand the urge not to be seen. but i'd think twice about wearing a literal mask in public. it would probly arouse all kinds of unwanted attention and suspicion - like the thought that you might be a criminal or fugitive or something. it may also be very alienating. people will treat you with a great deal of distance and hesitancy if not outright avoidance.

it is possible to project the message of "leave me alone" by attitude rather than something that may prompt the opposite reaction. I used to be very good at just "disappearing" by being so uninvolved in things that people just ignored me.

whatever you decide, I hope you find a way to feel more at ease with yourself and others.

just my take on it.
Lee