Questions For Survivors
ConcernedGal
Registrant
Lloydy and everyone:
You always have such helpful responses that always hit home, and help us so much. Everyone's input helps for that matter.
I read your post above and there was something I wanted to post here that I had forgotten to post up above the other day. I need to put this out there for others to read due to the mixed message it left me with.
When b-friend ended everything this past Saturday I felt blamed for pushing him. The phone call that was "over the top" for him (as I mentioned above) went as follows:
He called me at work Friday night to just talk about everyday "light" stuff. I was feeling that was what we needed to do at that moment too. I was going home soon for the weekend and wasn't interested in a heavy conversation with him. It was a surprise that he called me at work and his voice sounded lighthearted and happy. I was happy to hear his voice again.
He initially started talking about his work which worked its way in his telling me about a conversation he'd had with a fellow co-worker who had just quit his employment where they worked together.
It seems this co-worker had managed to get some kind of contract to build 7 embassies overseas. He suggested that b-friend get registered for a background clearance and come and work for a year with him which would offer outstanding money. Overseas mind you!
As I listened to him telling me about this plan/idea I found myself saddening by the thought of it all, and could not contain my feelings of being so inconsequential in his life that he would actually move across the globe without any thought of me, or what we had, or any possible future. After he finished talking about the details, I took a risk and told him that it bothered me that he would consider going overseas. I told him it's as if I just don't matter in his life anymore. That I did not fit in the formula anywhere. He said "I thought you'd feel that way."
Now, at the risk of sounding special (which I no longer am) I feel he WAS testing me OR ELSE he told me about this plan as a way to get me to understand how he was planning to push me away permanently. He then told me (perhaps to make me feel better) that it would take a least a year to get his clearance and who knows if he would even go. This definitely felt like it was test. Why mention it if he wasn't sure he could even go or even wanted to go.
That's how the phone call went from non-abuse to abuse issues. Not because I initiated it, but because I reacted to his discounting of me again. After this little piece of news, about his wanting to make all this money by working overseas, one thought and feeling moved into other thoughts and feelings of mine about the "issues" that had broken us up in the first place. I was left feeling completely invaluable to him other than being his little buddy to call once in a while. Which is exactly what he stated in his last e-mail to me. It's casual friends or nothing.
So that's the conversation which forced us both to say goodbye. I do deserve better, much better. Especially after the past year of fighting, problems, and interaction with undesirables. He was my knight for awhile, until he turned out the be the most hurtful of them all. Beam me up Scotty....
You always have such helpful responses that always hit home, and help us so much. Everyone's input helps for that matter.
I read your post above and there was something I wanted to post here that I had forgotten to post up above the other day. I need to put this out there for others to read due to the mixed message it left me with.
When b-friend ended everything this past Saturday I felt blamed for pushing him. The phone call that was "over the top" for him (as I mentioned above) went as follows:
He called me at work Friday night to just talk about everyday "light" stuff. I was feeling that was what we needed to do at that moment too. I was going home soon for the weekend and wasn't interested in a heavy conversation with him. It was a surprise that he called me at work and his voice sounded lighthearted and happy. I was happy to hear his voice again.
He initially started talking about his work which worked its way in his telling me about a conversation he'd had with a fellow co-worker who had just quit his employment where they worked together.
It seems this co-worker had managed to get some kind of contract to build 7 embassies overseas. He suggested that b-friend get registered for a background clearance and come and work for a year with him which would offer outstanding money. Overseas mind you!
As I listened to him telling me about this plan/idea I found myself saddening by the thought of it all, and could not contain my feelings of being so inconsequential in his life that he would actually move across the globe without any thought of me, or what we had, or any possible future. After he finished talking about the details, I took a risk and told him that it bothered me that he would consider going overseas. I told him it's as if I just don't matter in his life anymore. That I did not fit in the formula anywhere. He said "I thought you'd feel that way."
Now, at the risk of sounding special (which I no longer am) I feel he WAS testing me OR ELSE he told me about this plan as a way to get me to understand how he was planning to push me away permanently. He then told me (perhaps to make me feel better) that it would take a least a year to get his clearance and who knows if he would even go. This definitely felt like it was test. Why mention it if he wasn't sure he could even go or even wanted to go.
That's how the phone call went from non-abuse to abuse issues. Not because I initiated it, but because I reacted to his discounting of me again. After this little piece of news, about his wanting to make all this money by working overseas, one thought and feeling moved into other thoughts and feelings of mine about the "issues" that had broken us up in the first place. I was left feeling completely invaluable to him other than being his little buddy to call once in a while. Which is exactly what he stated in his last e-mail to me. It's casual friends or nothing.
So that's the conversation which forced us both to say goodbye. I do deserve better, much better. Especially after the past year of fighting, problems, and interaction with undesirables. He was my knight for awhile, until he turned out the be the most hurtful of them all. Beam me up Scotty....