Questions for everyone regarding my Therapist.

Questions for everyone regarding my Therapist.
J

jjt

Registrant
I have just started to go to therapy and am about 6 weeks in. I sort of dread going each time because I know it just digs up all this crap I usually leave feeling emotionally leveled.

My question to everyone here is How do I know that I have a good therapist?? I am able to talk freely even though it kills me to. I mean, I've heard of people going for years to someone and getting no where and am afraid that it could happen to me. There are many bad therapists and I just know that because of my current emotional state I may not be the best at judging whether or not this person is not just good, but GREAT. Granted, making progress may also be due to the fact that a person may not want to accept change, rather than the therapist....but sometimes I sit and wonder if I am headed in the right direction.

Am just thinking aloud to myself and hoping that I am on the right path as all I seem to think and feel is total confusion.
 
JJT,

I am at the same place as you are. I just finished my seventh session. I leave her office most of the time feeling drained. I don't see any real changes.

But can I share something with you? If you are talking freely to him that IS progress!

My T lets me pretty much control the session, asking questions or giving advice about what I bring up. So, sometimes it feels like she is digging something up. But if I didn't need to have something dug up, I wouldn't be going at all.

HTH,

Marc
 
Marc,

It's a very confusing time for both of us, eh? I just am so sick and tired of not feeling any better after going for 2 months and wonder sometimes if it's me or it is my therapist. I know that I'm not in a great emotional state to be a good judge of whether or not my therapist is actually competent and sometimes the thought that he isn't really worries me.

I guess we just must plod ahead and the most important thing is maybe at this point is that we are comfortable with talking to them. I don't know what the right answer is and I hope someone here has some insight.

-jjt
 
Guys,

It probably took quite a while to get to the point of needing a therapist. I spent many years perfecting my dysfunctions, raising my bad habits to the level of fine art. It's going to take a while to undo all of that.

I leave a lot of sessions "emotionally leveled," too. I get anxious before sessions all the time. I've been seeing this T since last summer, and our marriage counselor since fall of 2002.

Marc's right. Being able to talk freely is progress. What were the chances of having a talk like that with someone else four months ago?

I don't know how to tell if you have someone good working with you except to trust your gut. If things are not good, and you can't mention that, I think it would be a sign that it's time to find someone else. If you can talk freely and be heard with respect, then you're probably in a good place.

Thanks,

Joe
 
Gents,

First off, if you are feeling drained that is a great sign. What you are doing is real work and work makes you tired, and that my friends, is progress.

Second, I hate to say it, but it takes more like two years (give or take) for a big difference to be noticed. You dont wake up one day to discover the depression has disappeared overnight like a fever. You eventually catch yourself smiling more than crying, looking forward in your life rather then dwelling on what your life could have been if this crap didnt happen to us.

HOWEVER, when happiness does creep into your life, you really, really appreciate it and you never take it for granted like the normals do. The best part is, you will get to a place where you will really start to enjoy life, and you will say, hey! Im better. And life will be great but all of a sudden, you will make another leap and get even BETTER! And youre like, Whoa! I didnt think it got better than that, but it does! And that keeps happening, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM you keep making these leaps

It feels like it will never happen, but if you keep working on it I swear it will.
 
Well, I am lucky and grateful for it.

I have lost count of the number of sessions I've had. I've seen three abuse recovery therapists.

In both situations, the number one concern was feeling safe. Your ability to talk freely seems to indicate that your therapist's office feels safe for you which I am glad to hear.

When I started, and still sometimes, some really disturbing stuff comes up. I've been aware that, in those cases, my therapists have tried to end the session on some kind of positive note.

That's not always possible so sometimes I have left feeling really awful. I have sometimes dreaded going back for that reason.

I have been so relieved that someone qualified identified my problem and helped me find the therapy I need.

Unfortunately, there are not male survivor support groups here but, just when I needed it most, I found this site.

The guys here have provided the support I have needed.
 
Brayton,

May I ask you why you went to SO MANY different abuse therapists - 3!!! I don't think I could be able to handle "starting over" from the begining with that many people. Although, I don't think I have to find a new therapist at this point since I do feel okay talking to him.

-jjt
 
jjt,

I'm like you pretty much. Gone to about 7-8 sessions so far. I asked her if she's seeing other male rape victims. She said no, she has only dealt with female victims. Nonetheless, she makes me feel safe.

She also knows what she's talking about. I've read so much on the psychology post-rape that we can have some really good sessions. At first though, maybe around session#4, I thought she was worthless and that I could do this by myself. I continued to go because I realized how far trying to think or work things out by myself got me.

She does help guide me, but most important she was the one of people to point out how far I've come since we started. You're therapist probably feels the same way. Maybe you just don't see it yet, but some progress has been made.

Try and look back 8 weeks ago and compare yourself to now. Even one baby step is better than none.

Take it easy,
Fusion
 
jjt,
Great question. How do you know you have the right t? WOW, I have seen 3 sence I have started my recovery. The first one was not doing me any good and I could see it right from the start, the next on I would her office as you talk about 100% drained. I mean it was so bad at times I had to have someone else go with me so I could have them drive me home, if no one was around to drive me I had to sit in my car for about a 1/2 hour just to have the sence to drive home. And the last one was about like the first one. I think the answer to your question would be like trying to answer what is real art? Do you think they are doing you any good? Do you feel this person will? Good luck

James
 
Fusion,

I know exactly what you mean when you said that you were thinking that "I can do this on my own." I had a moment when he was dredging up more very, very, very painful stuff and I left just feeling like shit where I thought, "What the f**k is this all for if I just leave here feeling completely shitty spilling my guts to a stranger." I have read so many books about PTSD and CSA that I know I have a very good understanding of what is happening to me. The things is, understanding doesn't necessarily translate into quick progress immediately does it??

I'm hoping to see that there will be some wisdom gained from all this pain, and I thank god this board is here, and that the other MS provide such great insight.

I guess maybe I'm just a little impatient. I so want to get better and wish it would just happen faster b/c I feel like I'm missing out on the life I was meant to lead.

-jjt
 
I'm in the same boat. I know I need a T but I dread the search part. I have been procrastinating, telling myself that I can do this on my own. But, I know I can't I need someone to help me find the anger I have tucked away all these years. I have no problem finding the sadness but I know I need to find anger to truly start to heal and move on. Maybe tomorrow I'll call for a T ;)
 
Jjt,

I am with you in the impatient part.

I've got to admit I'm a little down about what Roland said. TWO YEARS? I knew it wouldn't come overnight, but I was hoping that I'd see progress in, like, six months to nine months :mad: !

Marc
 
Marc,

Yeah, after reading 2 YEARS, I sort of feel like a deflated balloon sitting here now. But, I guess the pace of progress is different for everyone.

This is the LOWEST I have ever felt in my life, and I simply can't imagine staying like this for more than a year.

-jjt
 
jjt,

Would you like to stay like that for one year or twenty? I wake up everyday now, hoping not for the answer, because there isn't one, but a new revealtion about who I am and how the sa took it's toll on me.

I don't feel like my life is a lie or that I haven't done good things for myself or others. I know I have, but I didn't let myself appreciate the small things in life. The small things are who we are and what seperates us from other people

I think that recovery isn't about reclaiming something that you lost, it's about finding out what makes you tick, what makes you happy. Everyone does this at some point in their lives, but because of sa it takes on a whole new dimension or meaning.

My recovery first started when I stopped using drugs/alcohol. That was about 3 months ago. Damn, how can we expect to rid ourselves of what happened to us in such a short period of time. Yeah, I want it to be quick, just like alcohol. Drink a bottle and forget about it. Just drift off into oblivion. To be painless, disconnect from everything. Leave this planet, my body, feelings.

I've done it every night for so long, but where did it get me. Farther back than when I started. I lost my entire identity. I was a zombie. A shell of my former self. We can expect to recover and start fresh. Get through it quickly? Not anymore my friend, I'm tired of running and so are you. However long this takes, I'll do it. Not just for myself, but everyone here as well. I'm right there with you as well as others.

Let's not look at recovery as an end, but a beginning, just like every day that the sun rises, so do we.

Take it easy,
Fusion
 
I think if you are able to talk freely with your therapist, it is a good sign. It took me a few months and a suicide attempt before I could start being fully open with mine. There are still some things we do not talk about. But it does help. She is someone kind, but can be 'tough' with me sometimes when I need that. It will take some time before the actual idea of therapy, and actually going and such, will be more comfortable for you. But it does get better, and it does help. I have full faith in that. Good luck to you.

Leosha
 
I've only had one & might have just hit lucky...she prompted me when I couldn't speak (asked me what I was thinking about). I could tell that she was interested in what I was saying (you know when they are genuine). She believed me & shared genuine tears with me (I don't think they're supposed to do that).

JJT - I used to come out of a session feeling stunned. I would calm down & become blanked over the next 24 hours, then all sorts of emotions would break loose, sometimes over the next few days....later it could extend into weeks.
....
Now ...pretty much in control...still have moments! 6 months in & tonight I am at home alone (been busy socially over several weeks) & I am not panicking!

Life is for living - let's live...Rik
 
A good rule of thumb, jjt, is if you dread going to see a therapist it's working and you should keep going until that dread has passed. Then see if another feeling pops up for you to work on.

As for time, your subconscious probably wishes this were over soon so you'll never have to go back to therapy. But realistically, you may be in therapy on and off for a while. Don't worry about it. Listen to your body, when you need a break from therapy your body will know.
Take Care,
Sean
 
In my opinion, a good therapist is one who makes you your own therapist. They are there to listen objectively, and to guide you and direct you. In my opinion, a good therapist asks the right questions to help to guide you, and will help to make you see/ face / understand things for yourself.
 
Personally, I am on my 5th therapist, I'm just lookingfor one who won't break into tears at the end of our session, I'm beginning to think they don't exist. If you find a goo one, i wish you all of the luck I never had. A strange thing for me though, I have always had a perfect mempry of my abuse, as well as the abusers, never forgot any details, all 23 of em. But if you find someone who works for you, I say go with it

Best of luck

"Forgiveness is for the wesk, for those who lack the conviction of hate"
 
jtt,

Being able to talk freely is a good thing. It sounds like you are making progress. Progress isn't something that happens over night but over a period of time. It's hard to see the difference from yesterday to today, but comparing today to a year ago, it becomes more evident. The most productive sessions are also the most painful to go through.

I've seen 2 that I was never talked to. I'm seeing one that I can talk to and am making progress. I've also seen one that was extremely bad, very conterproductive to healing and had me about to check myself into the hospital because of the damage he was causing.

Take care and keep healing,
Bill
 
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