Question

[kishka06]

Things are going great since my fiance and I decided to work on rebuilding our relationship (about 2 weeks ago).

I know it's very early days yet, but he doesn't really seem to want to talk about the csa. I know this isn't something that is part of your 'daily discussion topics', but, from what I have read here, it seems that everyone deems it important to be able to talk about it with your partners

How do I let him know it's safe to discuss it with me, as he feels the need to. Should I mention it? What should I say? Or should I just wait for him? I just want to do this right.

Kishka

 

[beccy]

I told my bf that he didn't have to talk about stuff if he didn't want to, but that I am here for him if he does want to talk. I thought this would seem none threatening. Then I kept reading on here how many other people's partners do talk to them about all kinds of things that come clear in therapy and I wondered why my bf didn't seem to tell me anything. It kinf of came to a head last week wehn he was so distant from me and kept being quite cold/mean in any conversations we did have. In the end I felt I couldn't be physically close to him, because we don't really have a realtionship otherwise. I became hostlile, so this had to be discussed. He has since talked to me about a few things. He has cried with me one night. And last night after his appointment, he came home and told me some details. I still feel though, that he's not really sharing himself emtionally and it's starting to make me wonder why. I kind of feel like he's only been talking to me a bit to keep me happy. But then feeling perhaps resentful about it. I don't really have any good advice other than my own story, but I'm sure there are others here who'll give you some good pointers.

Do you feel close to your fiance otherwise? Does he talk to you much about other aspects of himself?

peace,
Beccy

 

[kishka06]

Hi Beccy,
Yes, I do feel close to him otherwise. I know we are still being a little cautious after what happened (not sure if you have read my other posts), but we have made a commitment to each other to rebuild. We are both seeing separate T's, since we are working on different things. To quote him 'he thought I would leave, like everyone else did' but I haven't and won't. I am sure he is still testing the water.

I just don't know what to say to him, or even if I should say anything, to encourage him to feel comfortable enough to talk to me about it. I guess I will just wait a little longer, to see what happens.

He did say about a month ago, that he is working on some things now that he isn't comfortable discussing with me - since he doesn't fully understand it himself yet.

I have begun talking about things that I have been working on - kinda weaving into the conversation whenever it's appropriate - hoping that he will recognize that I am beginning to share with him.

I am still new to all of this, and it's really hard! I am so grateful to everyone that posts on this site....I couldn't have gotten through without reading all of the advice, insight and support that is given here.

Kishka