Question?

Question?
F

fusionoflove

Registrant
Recently, I've noticied in a post someone mentioning "acting out." I could be wrong, correct me if I am, but does acting out mean seeking out people like your attacker or someone else and having some sort of sexual encounter with them.

If I am right, then it seems to me that someone would do that just to regain some sort of power or control over themselves or the other person involved. I equate it with being beaten as a kid. If you were then you are probably more likely to hit your kid, unless you realize the self-defeating behavior. You are in essence, allowing your attacker to win again and again.

I'd like for someone, if they can, to expand on this subject. I know very little of the psychology behind it and would like to know more.

Thanks
 
Well from a certain perspective there is a "comfort" in the known quantities. Maybe comfort is a poor choice of words as it is a difficult concept to explain. But if you have experienced something you know what it is like, it is "safe" or maybe certain or known. You don't have the stress that you have of dealing with the unknown.
 
i use acting out to separate the sex i had because of my abuse from my relationships. my therapist, Howard pointed out that at twelve i wasnt having relationships, i was acting out. acting out can take many forms, from habitual masturbation to cutting yourself to picking up hookers. it is something you do to cope with the confusion and pain of abuse. heck, acting out for some might be taking drugs, and for others it might be porn.

i think the biggest problem with calling these acts relationships or something is that it implies more responsibilty and choice than we actually had. a person chooses a relationship, where they might not have the same freedom to choose how they act out.

it was important for me because of shame i was carrying around for some of those things that i realize they were a symptom, not some flaw in the basic person i am. does that make any sense?
 
Fusionoflove,

From what I have read, here and elsewhere, acting out can mean any kind of behavior that serves as a coping mechanism. Drinking irresponsibly, any substance abuse, becoming a workaholic, anything that can "burn time" and keep the real issues an arm's length away.
I equate it with being beaten as a kid. If you were then you are probably more likely to hit your kid, unless you realize the self-defeating behavior.
Click to expand...
I don't believe this. My siblings and I were beaten savagely for many years. All seven of us are parents now. Only two, each with acute substance abuse issues, beat their children like that. (Neither of them have custody of the children now.) It's not a statistically valid sampling design, but anecdotally, I have met many other survivors who endured physical abuse and have gone to great lengths to avoid being abusive as parents.

There was a period of time when I did spank my children. But I never beat them. A few years ago I threatened my daughter with a spanking if she did not comply with something I demanded. I don't remember now what was so important that I would consider striking her. She told me, "I don't care. Your spanks don't hurt." I told her, "It's not supposed to hurt." I was so sick that I was actually proud of that. I was proud that, in my own words, "My children aren't afraid of a belt."

I think it's like the fact that most perps were sexually abused but most abuse survivors don't become perps. Many physically abusive adults probably were abused, but most survivors do not go on to abuse.

Thanks,

Joe
 
Thanks so much for your insight. It makes more sense to me now. That helps to explain my heavy drinking.
At one point, I was up to over a bottle a night with a few pills thrown in as well. It gave me a quick release from my situation and panic attacks, but before I knew it, the alcohol/drugs started to control me. That was before I was able to admit to myself or anyone else that I was sexually assaulted. I haven't had a drink in close to three months.
I guess what acting out, in whatever form, provides a quick release for you. In the end though, it becomes or adds to the problems you're already going through.

Thanks for the replies
 
Fusionoflove.

Please read my story in two parts.

I acted out for years looking for that high that abuse and violence gave me. It numbed me out. Looking back I was looking for a murderer. I am 63 and joined AA when I was 36 thank god. I was also a heroin addict at 21.

Just to feel numb and not deal with it. I was abused at 16-17 and did nothing about it till I was 56. Damned stupid of me.
 
I think there are different kinds of 'acting out'. There are different behaviors that people do. They are negative coping things we do, we know they are negative and are not good for us or other people involved. But we do them anyway, because there is something positive we get from it. Whether it is reminders that we are alive, whether it is excitement, or sexual fulfilment, or it tells us something about who we are. I think most people think of acting out as sexual, but I think it could be any negative coping skills that include another person. That is just my defining it, not necesarily right!

Leosha
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top